We’ll be having our Hainsies/Kimlets get-together on Sunday night, and I’ll be seeing Hairspray mere hours after my arrival. I will keep you up-to-date on all the happening happenings.

Last night I watched an early seventies television movie (yes, Virginia, from the beloved ABC Movie of the Week which had Bacharach’s Nikki as its theme song) entitled A Cold Night’s Death. I had/have vivid memories of it being a terrific little programmer and by gum and by golly if it still isn’t, all these years later. They wouldn’t know how to make this type of TV movie today if their life depended on it. It’s got terrific performances from Robert Culp and Eli Wallich, suspenseful direction by Jerrold Freedman, and a nifty electronic score by Mr. Gil Melle. I’d love to get my hands on some of the others from this series – especially Isn’t it Shocking? with Alan Alda and Louise Lasser (directed by John Badham), Dr. Cook’s Garden (by Ira Levin), the Michael Crichton TV movie that I can never remember the name of (with E.G. Marshall, I think), A Strange and Deadly Occurance with Vera Miles and my pal Margaret Willock, Incident at San Francisco, with David Opatashu and Richard Kiley, and a few others.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I do believe I’ve got a flight to catch.

- Saturday, May 31, 2003 @ 05:13 AM PST

Friday, May 30, 2003

Today we are happy to have a brand spanking new Unseemly Interview for your mental delectation. It’s with Seth Rudetsky, and if you don’t know who he is you are in for a treat. Seth has a weekly interview show at Don’t Tell Mama’s, called Seth’s Chatterbox, and he’s got many stories to tell about many celebs, plus his own very active career as a pianist/musical director and now performer in his one-man show, Rhapsody in Seth. So, after you’re done reading these here notes and posting, do read it and post about it, too.

My darling daughter spent the night last night and we had quite a good time, chatting and watching parts of DVDs. She’s heading back home shortly.

For those who missed the announcement, I’m pleased to say that Katherine Helmond is joining our merry troupe for the new CD, and we are pleased and excited to have her. She’ll be doing her vocal in Los Angeles, California, along with the other LA vocalists, Michelle Nicastro, Sharon McNight and Tammi Tappan.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must hurry and scurry and scurry and hurry because I’ve got a flurry of things to do, places to go, and people to see in preparation for The Trip.

- Friday, May 30, 2003 @ 08:49 AM PST

Thursday, May 29, 2003

As I posted yesterday, the Kritzerland books arrived yesterday, and I managed to get them all signed and into their respective packages and over to the post office and they are now winging their way to their respective buyers via priority mail. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

It is quite early as I write this because for whatever reasons I awoke at four-forty-five and could not fall back asleep. I lay in my bed like so much fish, trying to sleep, but I could not and that is why these here notes are going up so early.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can post these here notes and then try to get a couple more hours of shut-eye.

- Thursday, May 29, 2003 @ 05:53 AM PST

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

I must also get ready for my trip on Saturday. Luckily, all reservations are in place, I’ve made arrangements to get to and from the airport and hopefully all will go smoothly. I’m seeing Hairspray on Saturday night, then the rest of the trip is work, work, work (that is three works), except for our Hainsies/Kimlets get together, about which Susan will be posting today.

It was ninety degrees here in Los Angeles, California yesterday, so I guess summer has arrived early. Can someone let me know what the weather is like in New York, New York, so I know what kind of attire to bring?

My goodness, the singing bird is out there and has friends who are also singing – they’re doing Lida Rose right now and it’s quite lovely. Great, now I've got Lida Rose on the brain and I shall be singing it all the live-long day and night, not necessarily in that order.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must wrap these here notes up in short order because I have lots and lots to do.

- Wednesday, May 28, 2003 @ 08:50 AM PST

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

If you missed any of the merriment and mirth and laughter and legs that went on here at haineshisway.com over the long weekend then you simply must use the Unseemly Archive button to catch up on both notes and posts, not necessarily in that order. Those that were here had a lively and sparkling time and those that weren’t here were errant and truant. Unfortunately for our stats, this weekend has taken its toll which is too bad because I do believe that May would have been our very best month ever. As of now, we will have perhaps our third or fourth best month ever which is not chopped liver but it’s not chateaubriand either. Still and all, we had a marvelous and weekend-long party here and it was fun, fun, fun (that is three funs).

Last night I watched two motion picture entertainments on DVD. The first was entitled The Electric Horseman starring Mr. Robert Redford and Miss Jane Fonda. I missed this one in the theaters and it is thoroughly entertaining. It just amble along and is funny and filled with the kind of star-power I enjoy. It was well-directed by Sidney Pollack. Then I watched the first half of The Flight of the Phoenix, un film de Robert Aldrich. What a strange movie this is. And I’m sure it will get stranger as it goes along. Mr. Aldrich was unique – bombastic, larger-than-life, and, in terms of his films, a bit nuts. That, of course, makes the films weirdly watchable (until the end of his career, when they are anything but watchable and just weird).

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t I have things to do, places to go, people to see? I do and I shall, so let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can get crackin’.

- Tuesday, May 27, 2003 @ 08:27 AM PST

Monday, May 26, 2003

I shall keep these here notes short today because a) I slept late, and b) everyone is on vacation anyway. Isn’t it nice that today we get to be lazy loafers or, at the very least, lazy patent leather pumps? We don’t have to do anything but lay about the house in our lounging pajamas and sip champagne and play croquet on our manicured lawns whilst recounting the story of The Randy Vicar and the Croquet Mallet. What fun we shall all have behaving like the cultured pearls we are. We are pearls, do you hear me, and we shall not cast ourselves before swine, whatever the hell that means. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, we are pearls and therefore we shall post our pearls of wisdom all the livelong day and night whilst we sup on pheasant under glass. Have you ever supped on pheasant under glass? Isn’t it difficult to get to the pheasant since it’s under the fershluganah glass? Damn them, damn them all to hell. We shall have petite fours and slightly larger fives. What the hell am I talking about?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I am told that once we do so we will be too too.

- Monday, May 26, 2003 @ 09:41 AM PST

Sunday, May 25, 2003

Last night I went to my friend’s screening room to see Down With Love. Mr. George Chakiris was there again, and we spent quite a long time talking about many things, and he’s a lovely gentleman and I think he’s even going to come to the screening of The First Nudie Musical on Wednesday. The film was Down With Love, starring Miss Renee Zellwegger and Mr. Ewan MacGregor. Last year, Mr. Todd Haynes decided to make himself a Douglas Sirk movie, Far From Heaven, and he did so. This year Peyton Reed, who I’ve never heard of in my life, decided to make himself a Doris Day/Rock Hudson/Ross Hunter movie and someone decided to let him. The difference is that Far From Heaven, whether you knew Mr. Haynes was slavishly copying Mr. Sirk or not, worked on its own because the story worked and the performers took it seriously and played the characters as real characters. This does not happen in Down with Love. The movie is so full of its own cleverness it never has a chance. It winks at the audience, the characters and everything else in between. Miss Zellwegger, who I like, does not play a character, she plays Doris Day playing a character and it’s annoying. MacGregor has none of the charm of Mr. Hudson, but David Hyde Pierce does fine in the Tony Randall role. Tony Randall does fine in the Edward Andrews role. Instead of being totally true to the genre, they load on the off-stage double entendre jokes that turn out to be something else when revealed on camera (after the fourth time I wanted to scream “knock it off already”). The style of the film is very accurate from the titles to the split screen. But again, they suddenly use the split screen to do a series of sex jokes that would be right at home in Austin Powers. And then there is the music. Now, I like Mr. Marc Shaiman and his music here is accurate and excellent. The problem, as usual with today’s films, is that it never ever stops – it just keeps going and just when you think it’s going to finally, mercifully stop, it starts again. The running time is somewhere between 95 and 100 minutes (sources vary) and I clocked less than five minutes in the entire film that remain unscored. A scene will have a musical button, a line or two of the next scene will start in blessed silence and then the music will come back in and stay in forever. And it’s not just me – someone coming out of the screening said, “Geez, after twenty minutes I had a headache from the music – after forty minutes I wanted to strangle the composer”. It may not be Mr. Shaiman’s fault – it may well be what the producer and director dictated but its just awful and this trend needs to be stopped immediately. In any case, it’s one thing to make an affectionate homage to a beloved genre, it’s another thing to do it in a smirking winking way. That is not to say that there aren’t amusing things along the way, there are, but by the end the running time seems more like two hours than 95 minutes (I thought the film was over at the eighty minute mark, which I thought was the two hour mark, and yet it went on for another interminable twenty minutes). But see it for yourselves and post your opinions here. I’m sure the soundtrack album is nice, though and probably a lot shorter than the music in the film.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Isn’t it Sunday, a day of short notes? Quick, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below whilst I try not to think of Joe’s Special.

- Sunday, May 25, 2003 @ 09:16 AM PST

Saturday, May 24, 2003

Last night I managed to watch three count them three motion pictures on DVD. The first was the cable biopic It’s Always Something, based on Gilda Radner’s life. I thought Jamie Gertz did a nice job, but the whole thing was so bathetic that you just become numb after awhile. It’s this business of overscoring with maudlin music just to make certain we know how sad everything is. I don’t think Ms. Radner would have cared for the film at all, but then again, I might be wrong. It’s filled with actors playing other actors we’re too familiar with – although I must say the fellow playing Gene Wilder has his voice down pat. I then watched Mr. Brian De Palma’s latest, Femme Fatale, which could, in fact, be retitled Brian’s Greatest Hits. It is deliriously bad and yet very watchable, just because he doesn’t resort to CGI – he actually makes his shots without computer assistance, a real filmmaker. No shots that suddenly speed up for no reason whatsoever, no shots that suddenly slow down for no reason whatsoever (oh, he uses slow motion, but not the step-printed kind – the kind where you do it by changing the speed of the camera). On one of the documentaries, Mr. De Palma says that this is a film people are going to watch over and over again. I think that was his wish, but I don’t think his wish is going to come true. Still, his films, no matter how over-the-top or wrong, are always fun to watch and I will admit to enjoying it in a guilty pleasure sort of way. The score by Ryuchi Sakamoto was terrific. I then watched another Studio Ghible anime entitled Whisper of the Heart, produced but not directed by Mr. Hayao Miyazaki. What a wonderful and heartfelt film it is – just perfection. The characters, the minimal story, the score – I’m telling you, when you finally tire of me talking about these films and get around to buying them just to shut me up, you will thank me. Thankfully, this DVD is only Japanese with English subtitles which is the only way to watch these films. The marvelous thing about them is even though they are animated, they are adult in nature (I mean adult in a nice way) and they really are character pieces, and they are not big, bombastic, overblown and contrived. In other words, I loved every second of its 110 minute running time. This one will probably never make the States because it is definitely Japanese and you can’t change it in the dubbing – the lead character, a middle school girl, is an aspiring poet and writer, and one of the running bits is her translation of Country Roads into Japanese. I have never liked that song until this movie – the various arrangements of it throughout are magical and haunting. By the way (BTW, in Internet lingo), there are many all-region (anyone can play them) DVDs of these films and you can find them on eBay as cheaply as eight bucks, so do take a chance.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t I have to go to the post office and stand in line? Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got to get crackin’.

- Saturday, May 24, 2003 @ 08:38 AM PST

Friday, May 23, 2003

Don’t forget, our brand spanking new Unseemly Interview with Danny Burstein is up and running, so if you want to know the straight skinny or, at the very least, the crooked fat about A Class Act, Time and Again, I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change and what it’s like being married to Rebecca Luker, you simply must read it because it is simply too too.

Last night I watched a motion picture entertainment entitled Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison. I haven’t seen the film since it showed on Million Dollar Movie and I watched it twice a night every night for five nights in a row. It’s even better than I remembered, with superb performances from Deborah Kerr and Robert Mitchum (it’s basically a two character piece). The photography of Oswald Morris is lovely, and the direction by Mr. John Huston is terrific and the transfer is excellent, so what are you waiting for?

Today will be my day off from the diet (one day a week I can eat whatever the hell I want) and I’m thinking about having a cake. That would be it for the day, but I am craving Parisienne cake and I may just have to succumb, oh, yes, I may just have to succumb. If I don’t succumb then I shall probably have pasta. Or, to paraphrase the Strouse and Adams song, Gimme Some, from Golden Boy:

Cake or pasta, pasta or cake
Makes your taste buds tremble
Makes your taste buds quake
Gotta make a choice
To which will I succumb?
Gimme some.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below whilst I decide between cake and pasta or pasta and cake.

- Friday, May 23, 2003 @ 08:58 AM PST

Thursday, May 22, 2003

We have a brand spanking new Unseemly Interview up for your mental delectation, with Mr. Danny Burstein, a quite delightful actor and singer who has appeared on a few of the albums I’ve produced, and who has appeared in quite a few shows in New York, New York and environs. You will learn all about the gestation of A Class Act, Time and Again, and you will learn many shocking details about many shocking things. You simply must read it, so do so posthaste and then with haste post your thoughts. We are back on track with our Unseemly Interviews and there will be a new one each Friday for the next three weeks. Next week will be that amusing and amazing fellow, Mr. Seth Rudetsky, the man who has Seth’s Chatterbox, a weekly interview show at Don’t Tell Mama’s and the man who made the concert of Dreamgirls a reality. Following that, we have Kevin Chamberlin, Tony-nominated actor who has appeared in such shows as Triumph of Love, Dirty Blonde and Seussical. He has much to say about much so you won’t want to miss any of these faboo Unseemly Interviews.

Last night I went to the opening of Lily Tomlin’s show, the wonderful The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe, written and directed by Jane Wagner. I was accompanied by our very own Tammy Minoff. Prior to the show, we ate outdoors at Pinot, which is located right in front of the Taper – an outdoor grill. Since it is owned by the same people who own Otto’s it only follows that the food was not so hot. It was, however, cheaper than Otto’s. I had a Caesar salad with chicken (hard to ruin but they came close) and Tammy had something called Ahi Tuna. I saw many people I knew and it was quite a glittering array of folks. The show remains wonderful, although I wasn’t crazy about some of the new material. Miss Tomlin is an amazing performer and she gives everything she’s got during the long evening. The show is still hilarious and still touching and I recommend it to one and all and also all and one. A third of the way into the second act, Miss Tomlin had some vocal problems and began to cough. She finally had to stop, break character and get some water. She was absolutely hilarious as she did so and the audience got an extra five minutes of solid laughs from her about the water, her coughing and the fact that this sort of thing rarely happens. Just before she was ready to begin again she said, “Let’s just keep this to ourselves – don’t tell Equity because they’ll take away my card.” Then she backed up and began the sequence over – then she stopped and said, “Oh, I can’t say a joke twice” and she then picked up exactly where she had left off. Needless to say, the audience went wild and ate up every minute of it.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because my allergies, which are running amok, have decided to kick in. What “in” ever did to my allergies to deserve such treatment is anyone’s guess.

- Thursday, May 22, 2003 @ 08:43 AM PST

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Last night I watched a motion picture entitled Die Another Day, starring Mr. Pierce Brosnan as Mr. Bond, James Bond. They should let this series die, that is my feeling, or hire someone who will have the guts to go back and discover what made the early Sean Connery Bond films work so well. Because they’ve lost the magic and yes, Virginia, there was considerable magic. Oh, it’s huge, and it has endless stunts, and its loud and it’s not too long – but it’s leaden, has no humor at all (well, it tries a few times) and takes itself way too seriously (as does Mr. Brosnan). The main title song is an all-time low for this series. Madonna sings it (she’s in the film, too, in one scene, and she’s awful) and frankly anybody does it better. It sounds like the song came from Hipsville with Hate, it sounds like it was written with a tin finger, it sounds like it needs a doctor, yes, and I wish they’d just let it die and let die. The director, Lee Tamorhini just can’t resist using all the latest and tired movie-making clichés – the sped-up shots, the slowed-down shots (ala The Matrix) and it’s all a bore and Ian Fleming and James Bond and the audience deserves better. Oh, well, according to the box Jeffrey Lyons loved it – I should have known right then and there to skip it.

What am I, Ebert and Roper all of a sudden? Tonight I shall be going to the opening of Lily Tomlin at the Ahmanson Theater. I saw the show when it originally was on Broadway and I adored it, and I’m looking forward to seeing it again this evening. I shall not be dining at Otto’s.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can find out other interesting and sparkling information.

- Wednesday, May 21, 2003 @ 08:27 AM PST

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

The gardeners are here and are louder than ever, which makes it very difficult to think about things to write. For example, I cannot think about things to write because all I hear is buzzing. When all I hear is buzzing then I write about buzzing because nothing else comes into my head. Hence, I am currently writing about buzzing even though I have nothing illuminating to say about buzzing. I cannot give you any shocking revelations about buzzing and yet I have just written an entire paragraph about fershluganah buzzing. Oh, I suppose I could tell the story of The Randy Vicar and the Chainsaw, but even that has buzzing in it.

Today I am taking someone on the Benjamin Kritzer tour. This someone read the book recently and wants to see all the locations and since he is a nice genteman I thought I’d oblige him. Has anyone noticed that I just wrote “genteman” when I meant to write “gentleman”? I think I like “genteman” better. This is what happens when there’s too much buzzing in your brain – you write “genteman” when you mean to write “gentleman” and then you like “genteman” better.

I’m afraid we all better click on the Unseemly Button below before I go tell these gardeners to buzz off.

- Tuesday, May 20, 2003 @ 09:15 AM PST

Monday, May 19, 2003

Mr. Grant Geissman is almost through putting together our basic tracks for recording, so we shall indeed be ready in plenty of time. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I, in fact, must go to Mr. Geissman’s house right now to hear the latest batch of tracks. Yes, Virginia, I must make tracks to hear tracks.

- Monday, May 19, 2003 @ 08:37 AM PST

Sunday, May 18, 2003

Yesterday, I also picked up quite a few new DVDs to be released on Tuesday, including the lovely Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison and the classic British chiller Dead of Night, along with several war films such as Battle of Britain and The Blue Max. I was hoping they’d have The Red Sam but no, they only had The Blue Max. I shall report on them as I see them, although I did check out a few of the transfers and they all looked quite lovely.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because it is Sunday and I must relax and smell the roses.

- Sunday, May 18, 2003 @ 08:46 AM PST

Saturday, May 17, 2003

The first order of business is to don our pointy party hats, our colored tights and pantaloons, to break out the cheese slices and ham chunks, and to dance the Hora and even the Mashed Potato – because we’ve got an upcoming birthday to celebrate and said birthday belongs to our very own Francois from France. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, today we are celebrating Francois from France’s birthday even though said birthday is not actually until Monday. So, let us all give a hale and hearty birthday salutation to Francois from France on the count of trois: Une, deux, trois – Happy Birthday Francois from France mon ami! What a lively and sparkling party we shall have here at haineshisway.com and all the best people will be here including Les Demoiselles de Rochefort and La Parapluis de Cherbourg. Jules et Jim will be here, too, along with Le Samourai. What the hell am I talking about?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can get to the second order of business, and perhaps even the third and fourth order of business.

- Saturday, May 17, 2003 @ 08:36 AM PST

Friday, May 16, 2003

First of all, there is a producer credited on the album. Normally, I would imagine that a credited producer would have had something to do with the concept of the album, the song choices, the arrangements, the casting of the singers, you know, minor details like that. I would also imagine that the credited producer would attend the recording sessions, such as the orchestra date and the vocal sessions, and yet I have no memory of the credited producer every having attended any of those sessions. I do have a memory that he was the orchestra and talent contractor for the AFM and AFTRA and that he wrote checks to those people.

In any case, I put the CD in my player and hoped for the best. The first track, The Age of Not Believing (not a brilliant opening number if you ask me) is sung by Christine Ebersole. The first thing I noticed was that the band sounded thinner than I thought it should, and after hearing the song I know they used an early take of Miss Ebersole’s vocal, because she got better and better and infused the song with more warmth and subtlety as the takes progressed. If I had to offer a guess, it sounded like they used one full take with no comps, although I suppose I could be wrong, although I suppose I don’t think I am. Miss Ebersole had quite a lot of reverb on her voice in the mix, but it wasn’t terrible and I began to have hope that the album would at least have some quality. That hope vanished with Ten Feet Off the Ground. Before I go on, let me explain something – after we do the orchestra date, Vinnie and I do rough orchestra mixes on all the songs – they’re rough, yes, but they sound pretty damn good because I like the singers to hear a nice mix of the song they’re singing. We then bring that to New York to record the vocals. So, they had those rough mixes and it would have been terribly easy for whoever was doing the work to use them. That was, in fact, my hope. But they didn’t and more about that later. So, Ten Feet Off The Ground comes on and again I think, why does the band sound so thin? Then the singers start singing and they sound like they’re in a tiny closet somewhere, almost no reverb on their voices and a totally different sound than the previous track. An album must sound “of a piece” and why they would put different reverbs for each singer is beyond me, but that’s what it sounds like. Then came Michelle Pawk – Michelle had done a couple of takes which would have been okay to use without comping and she comes off best on the album. However, the track is at least three decibels louder than the previous track and Miss Pawk is so far in front of the small combo playing her song that the point of the arrangement is missing. Anyway, to make a long story long, on I listened. Rebecca Luker, unlike Michelle, was far back in the mix – difficult to hear her, and a muddy reverb on her voice, and a full take used rather than a comped vocal. When I’m working with talent, I always let them do a take before discussing anything with them. I normally save the take in case there might be a line or two I want to use, but with rare exceptions that first take is not what we use (a rare exception, for example, was Kristin Chenoweth’s Lion Tamer – one take, perfect). I then let the talent listen to what they did, we discuss the song, I offer some opinions and they do another take. I will end up doing as many as I need to know that I can make a wonderful vocal and I take extensive notes about which takes have which bits. I then spend a day with Vinnie comping – I listen to every single take and have a comp sheet and I write down which take for which line or even occasionally which word or syllable, and then we put the take together and voila – an excellent vocal that seems like the singer did it all in one. It’s a painstaking process, but my singers know that I will take the time to make them as good as they can possibly be, and that is why they come and record for me over and over again.

I had done many takes of Janine LaManna’s Hushabye Mountain. She came in with some strong preconceived and rehearsed notions, which I felt were too much for this small and beautifully gentle lullaby. We worked for an hour and a half, doing take after take, and by the end of eight takes I knew I had enough to make a good vocal. It sounds to me like they used a complete and early take. But most amusingly, in the orchestral section (the repeat without singer), there is a sax solo playing the melody in the second half of it – my memory is that it was not a sax solo in David Siegel’s orchestration, and I scratched my head hearing it, trying to figure out why they replaced whatever instrument (probably an oboe) that did play it. The fact that the sax is a quarter tone sharp doesn’t help matters any (and, as a note of interest, the sax was played by the credited producer). Then I got to Emily Skinner’s track, the big band-sounding Where Did the Good Times Go. Again, I said, why does the orchestra sound so thin? When it hit the instrumental break I suddenly knew why. I called Todd Ellison, the conductor, and he’d just listened to it (I will not pass on his reaction – I will only say that it was worse than mine and he refused to listen to it all the way through) and I told him what I thought had happened, and he went back and listened to Emily’s track and he absolutely confirmed and agreed as to what I felt the problem was.

My goodness this is endless, isn’t it? Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can wrap it up in a thrice.

- Friday, May 16, 2003 @ 09:34 AM PST

Thursday, May 15, 2003

We’ve confirmed Mr. Brent Barrett for our upcoming CD and we’ve added Miss Sharon McNight and Miss Michelle Nicastro to our merry troupe of players. As you know, Miss Dorothy Loudon had to bow out due to illness, and I’m still trying to replace her (I have a rather wicked idea, but we shall see if it works out). Meanwhile, the trip is booked, the studio is booked – we’ll be recording over a two day period at the end of the month. I wanted to record over a two day comma or, at the very least, a two day semi-colon but no, they’re making me record over a two day period. Go know.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because don’t we have excellent questions to answer? We do, and we shall, not necessarily in that order.

- Thursday, May 15, 2003 @ 08:42 AM PST

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

For those who may have missed my post yesterday, I received the sample hardcover of Kritzerland yesterday, it looked great, and I placed my order. They’re going to try to hurry it along but at the most it should take about ten business days to reach me, and then your copies will be whisked to you in short order. Now, here’s the thing – the books are costing me more this time around and so unfortunately I’m going to have to raise the price here (it will still be less than amazon or barnesandnoble, and, of course, it will be signed and, of course, you’ll eventually get the limited edition CD with it) – so, if you haven’t ordered it yet and you’d like to, I will leave the price where it is until next Monday. Otherwise it’s going to go up two dollars. I don’t like having to do it, but they really are charging me two dollars more so I have no choice. Blame it on the publishers, blame it on Rio, blame it on the Bossa Nova, put the blame on Mame, but don’t blame me.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got to make the body shop decision and get my car over there in a thrice.

- Wednesday, May 14, 2003 @ 08:26 AM PST

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Today I shall be lunching with Mr. Kevin Chamberlin and soon he will be doing his Unseemly Interview right here at haineshisway.com, so stay tuned.

Last night I continued my journey into the world of anime by watching an anime television series (or three episodes of one, so far) called Serial Experiments Lain, a supremely strange show, which I’m enjoying very much. Apparently, this is a very low budget program but the basic animation kind of works in its favor, and the stories are so peculiar you just watch and not care that the animation isn’t more sophisticated. However, it’s certainly on a par with American animation TV programs. The show has an X Files feel (although about something completely different) and runs only thirteen episodes as far as I can tell.

In a late post yesterday, dear reader Nick Redman pointed out that in his liner notes to the CD of From the Terrace, many questions about Miss Ina Balin were answered, so I went back and looked and by gum and by golly they were. Apparently Mr. Nick Redman was as taken with her as I was. As someone else pointed out yesterday, she sadly passed away at much too young an age.

I got an estimate on my damaged car yesterday and it was actually much lower than I thought it would be, which I thought would thrill the person responsible. I gave them the estimate (less than nine hundred dollars) and then they decided to go through their insurance company after initially telling me they didn’t want to. So, I now have to deal with their insurance company and hopefully that will not slow down the process because I need to have it fixed now – of course, their insurance company will also be footing the bill for a rental car as well. When these people see how much their insurance is going to go up they will regret not simply having written me a check. Ah, well, these are the little mundane trivialities of daily life we must all deal with.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’m quite certain there are more mundane trivialities to come.

- Tuesday, May 13, 2003 @ 08:50 AM PST

Monday, May 12, 2003

Last night I watched a good old-fashioned 20th Century Fox potboiler entitled From the Terrace, starring Mr. Paul Newman, Miss Joanne Woodward and Miss Ina Balin, with able support from Leon Ames, George Grizzard and Myrna Loy, who disappears from the film after ten minutes. It does go on for two hours and twenty-four minutes and the script is very overblown at times (Ernest Lehman via John O’Hara) but the whole thing is so glossily directed by Mark Robson that the time goes by without too much pain. Excellent transfer. And, whatever happened to Ina Balin?

Miss Balin also appears in The Commancheros, along with the Duke and Stuart Whitman, which I’ve just started watching. I also picked up the Duke’s The Undefeated (with Rock Hudson) and North to Alaska (with Fabian).

My work session with Mr. Grant Geissman got pushed to today so I must hurry along. My friend, the film composer John Scott, is giving a concert next Sunday and if you’re in the area it will be a terrific evening. I’ll have complete details in tomorrow’s notes. Mr. Scott has written some wonderful film scores don’t you know.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must get going don’t you know. And, whatever happened to Ina Balin?

- Monday, May 12, 2003 @ 08:23 AM PST

Sunday, May 11, 2003

Last night I saw two count them two motion pictures. First I saw X-Men, and then I saw X2. I’d seen X-Men once before and seeing it again made me remember that I thought it passable entertainment, not too long (104 minutes, which includes eight minutes devoted to credits) and paced fairly well. X2 is twenty minutes longer, not paced as well, and seems unnecessarily convoluted, but I suppose it was all right. Alan Cumming is in this one and he’s quite blue and quite German. Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart are, of course, very good actors and seem to be having a good time. And Brian Cox is always fun to watch. Other than that, I really couldn’t tell you what it was about.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Shortly, I will be going over to Mr. Grant Geissman’s house to finish arranging the rest of the songs for our upcoming album, so I mustn’t tarry and mustn’t dally, not necessarily in that order. So, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can wrap up these here notes with a pretty pink ribbon and perhaps a cheese slice or ham chunk.

- Sunday, May 11, 2003 @ 09:30 AM PST

Saturday, May 10, 2003

Also, I forgot to mention that I received a test copy of the softcover version of Kritzerland, and I must say it looks pretty great – the hardcover will be here by Tuesday, and if it looks as good, then I’ll place my order and the books should be here within ten business days, and then I will ship them out priority mail the very day they arrive. The shipping envelopes have already been addressed. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? I cannot tell you what a thrill it is to see Kritzerland in actual book form – it’s just very exciting indeed.

I continued my little flirtation with the world of anime, and watched Ghost in the Shell and Metropolis – I enjoyed the former all right, but really liked the latter.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below? I mean, it’s just sitting there like so much fish, we may as well click on it and be done with it.

- Saturday, May 10, 2003 @ 08:41 AM PST

Friday, May 9, 2003

Flashback: A year ago, when I was doing the Ray Courts’ Hollywood Collector’s Showcase show at the Beverly Garland, a nice fellow had approached me, bought the DVD, and asked if I’d be interested in screening the film at the Nuart Theater in West LA. I told him the problems with the print situation. Anyway, we corresponded and he told me he had put the word out that he was looking for a print. I told him that most of them would be Eastman color and totally faded, but that there had been a handful of Fuji color prints which, like the one we used, would have retained some of the color.

Flash forward: Last week he e-mailed me to say he’d found a collector who was selling a print and that the collector said it was in very good condition and, best of all, in Fuji color. So, I gave the okay to buy it, and it came in on Wednesday, and again he e-mailed me to say he’d run the first and last reel and that he thought I’d be happy. And so, yesterday at noon I drove to the Nuart and watched the film. First of all, let me say that it’s great to see a movie on the big screen the way it was meant to be seen. The film started, and while there were numerous light lines on the print, there were virtually no splices in the first reel at all, and, although I could not believe my eyes, the color hadn’t faded one bit – it was perfect. At first I was concerned because the first scene did look a bit washed out, but then I remembered how much I adjusted and pumped the color, especially in that scene, to make it look better than the print had ever looked. Once we got past that scene, the colors were vivid and totally there. The lines got better as the print went along and there were only two splices in the entire print – one, a one-frame splice in The Lights and The Smiles (barely noticible) and one when Harry says, “This is the dildo number, every dildo works”, where the first half of the line is gone. Otherwise, it’s a great print and obviously the one we’re going to screen at the Egyptian. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

If you’re around you simply must come to the screening. You can get all the ticket and time information online at www.americancinematheque.com.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because, well, just because we can.

- Friday, May 9, 2003 @ 08:30 AM PST

Thursday, May 8, 2003

Last night I supped with friend David Wechter. We went to an old-fashioned chop house called Valley Inn which, as you might imagine, is in the Valley. I had a lovely hunk of Prime Rib and David had one of their specials, the Ahi Tuna. I don’t know from Ahi Tuna but he seemed to enjoy it. I then finished watching Two Mules for Sister Sara, not a brilliant film but one that has its moments. Gorgeous transfer, though.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so that we can get right to your excellent questions, or, at the very least, get left to your excellent questions.

- Thursday, May 8, 2003 @ 08:29 AM PST

Wednesday, May 7, 2003

Last night I watched the first half of a very strange motion picture entertainment entitled Two Mules for Sister Sara, a convergence of the spaghetti western and The Nun’s Story. It stars Mr. Clint Eastwood and Miss Shirley MacLaine and is directed by Mr. Don Siegel. I shall watch the rest this evening, but it does have its moments, and does have a strange Ennio Morricone score as well.

Don’t forget, we are now up and running in terms of preorders for Kritzerland, so if you’re interested in getting it, do. Check yesterday’s notes for complete details.

Has anyone noticed that both the sky and my brain are overcast? As the great Meltz and Ernest once wrote, I Know Not Why, It Simply Is.

The snow is white,
My shoes are brown
And when I smile
I do not frown
I don’t say “hers” when I mean “his”
I know not why, it simply is.

The world is round
Yet bread is square
And when I’m gone
I am not there
If it is damp, my hair will frizz
I know not why, it simply is.

We cannot question
Things simply are
Here’s my suggestion
You can’t be near if you haven’t been far

The truest thing
That I can say
Is when it’s night
It is not day
I always cry when I see Les Miz
I know not why it simply is.

Leave it to Meltz and Ernest to hit the nail on the head. That is just so profound that the only thing left to be done is to click on the Unseemly Button below while we ponder the convergence between this section and the next.

- Wednesday, May 7, 2003 @ 08:29 AM PST

Tuesday, May 6, 2003

I’m pleased to announce that Mr. Mark Bakalor has put up the order page for Kritzerland, and we are now taking preorders for signed copies of the book, which I should have in hand, ready to ship in about three weeks time (could be less). To place your handy-dandy order is very simple indeed – on the haineshisway.com home page, click on the icon which reads “Handy-dandy links to new sections”. Once there, click on Kritzerland, then click on the stack of books, then click on “Buy this book”. From there it’s a mere paypal click away. If you are not a paypal member, there’s a link to sign up – it costs you nothing and in fact they give you five dollars for signing up. The order page is also available by going to . The book most likely won’t be available anywhere else until the beginning of June, and because the price here includes priority shipping, it won’t be cheaper anywhere else (it will actually cost about five or six dollars more with shipping at other online stores). If you wish a personalized inscription, please note that on your paypal order. And soon Mr. Mark Bakalor will have Kritzerland products available, too, such as t-shirts, caps, and boxer shorts. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

Last night I watched a motion picture entitled The Italian Job, a caper film from the late sixties. Apparently this one has enough of a cult following to warrant the special edition treatment – it’s got three lengthy documentaries, a commentary track and more. I found it very lightweight but fun – I gather there is a remake about to come out, and I’m sure that will be anything but lightweight and fun. The cast makes the film – Michael Caine and Noel Coward and the always excellent Raf Vallone. Beautiful transfer, too – it’s only available in Region 2 at the moment, but it should be coming out here around the time the new film is released.

The whole batch of Universal Jimmy Stewart westerns is something of a disappointment. Shenandoah, Night Passage and The Rare Breed all look decent enough (but not spectacular) but I’m afraid the Anthony Mann classics, Bend of the River, The Far Country and Winchester 73, are all rather lackluster transfers. In fact, Bend of the River is a disaster, so dark that in the numerous night scenes you don’t even know what’s going on – you literally can’t see anything.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because, after all, we don’t want to write the entirety of these here notes in the first section because that would be unseemly.

- Tuesday, May 6, 2003 @ 08:27 AM PST

Monday, May 5, 2003

When I got home I put on a movie and by bum and by golly if I couldn’t see everything perfectly. Has anyone noticed that I just wrote “by bum and by golly”? I didn’t mean to, I meant to write “by gum and by golly” and yet I wrote “by bum and by golly”. Of course, as long as I was mistyping, I should have written “by bum and by bolly” just for consistency’s sake. But, since I don’t give one or two whits (or even a fig) for consistency’s sake, consistency’s sake is out in the cold, I’m afraid.

Don’t forget, tonight is our Unseemly Live Chat at six o’clock Pacific Mean Daylight Savings Time, and I want to see a roomful of people I tell you, especially after this weekend with all the errant and truant Hainsies/Kimlets. Also, Donald should have his brand spanking new radio show up, although I have not confirmed this for my very own self.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because by bum and by golly it is time to do so.

- Monday, May 5, 2003 @ 08:33 AM PST

Sunday, May 4, 2003

Then I watched one of my brand spanking new DVDs, a motion picture comedy entitled Come September, starring Mr. Rock Hudson, Miss Gina Lollobrigida, Miss Sandra Dee, and Mr. Bobby Darin. I figured it had to be good because it was made a short time after Pillow Talk, was written by the same writer, and was directed by the talented Robert Mulligan. Well, yesterday may have been funny but this movie was certainly not funny, it was painfully unfunny. I finally shut it off after seventy-five minutes because I could bear no more. The cast was not at fault, they were all fine, including Mr. Joel Grey in a supporting role. He hadn’t quite had the final bob done on his nose (he’d had his nose done, but he obviously did one final nip and tuck after this film – if you want to see him with his old nose, find the film About Face from the late forties), but he still looks like our Joel.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because it is Sunday and I am being much too verbose for Sunday.

- Sunday, May 4, 2003 @ 09:24 AM PST

Saturday, May 3, 2003

My bet is that as soon as I leave the house it will stop raining and I won’t get to drive around in the rain (carefully, of course) which I love doing. Damn them, damn them all to hell.

There are quite a few interesting DVDs coming out on Tuesday including several James Stewart/Anthony Mann westerns. I shall be picking up a few of them today and I will have a full report for you upon viewing them, oh, yes, I shall have a full report upon viewing them.

As it turns out, Gypsy has gotten some raves, some pans, and some neutrals – when I first saw the reviews I’d only seen the raves. Still, they are much better than expected.

Aren’t these cute little paragraphs? There so short and lively and sparkling in their own tiny way. Well, it’s Saturday, after all, and I feel that Saturday is a day for cute little paragraphs.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can have some more cute little paragraphs in the next section.

- Saturday, May 3, 2003 @ 08:25 AM PST

Friday, May 2, 2003

The new revival of Gypsy opened last night and, as I predicted privately many weeks ago, it received pretty much unanimous raves from all the critics. So, how did I know this? Well, I’ll tell you how I knew this, because why should I keep such things from you? I knew this because the buzz on certain Internet boards was so bad and then Michael Riedel’s endless bashing of both the production and Miss Bernadette Peters was so strong (without having seen the production of course), and the news that Miss Peters was having terrible vocal problems and had missed shows already (just prior to the critics seeing the show – she came back one day before that happened), that it became clear to me that the critics would go the opposite direction and declare the production and Miss Peters wonderful. This is not a rare occurrence, it happens more often than you’d think. A cynic might think some of it was calculated, because from what I understand, other than sharpening and honing what was there from the beginning of the previews, the show did not change that much. Of course Miss Peters improved during the four weeks of previews, and of course she came back from her illness in total triumph. So, what happened (other than vocal rest for three days) to turn her performance around? Many complaints on certain Internet boards had to do with the sparseness of the setting and staging, and certain directorial choices. It was said that people had read the criticism and were making set changes, etc. No set changes were made, no directorial choices were changed because of anything said on certain Internet boards. Yes, people in the business read the boards, no, the boards have no power whatsoever despite the media’s attempt to make it so. And why? Because, really, how many people read and/or post at those boards? In the scheme of things, not very many, despite the media’s attempt to have you believe otherwise. So, kudos to Gypsy, Mr. Mendes and Miss Peters – I have no idea if the critics went overboard in their praise or if they are spot on, but I will be seeing it and I will let you know. What I can tell you is that they did react to all the negative buzz in a very predictable way – they made the production a winner, critically. Call me a cynic but it’s what I believe. It happened to Nudie Musical – Paramount tried to bury the film so overtly that the critics had to pay to see it to review it, and they embraced it, figuring why is Paramount trying to sneak this one in and hide this from us? While they enjoyed it, I’m sure, many of them went overboard in their championing of the film (for which I was, of course, grateful) simply because Paramount was so negative about it.

What am I, Ken Mandelbaum all of a sudden? Last night I watched a very strange motion picture entitled Le Mans, starring Mr. Steve McQueen. Despite virtually no plot other than the running of the twenty-four hour Le Mans race (there is a perfunctory bit with Steve and the widow of a driver killed in an accident the year before), despite the fact that there are only three or four real dialogue scenes in the entire 108 minute running time, despite the fact that the first real dialogue isn’t spoken until thirty-eight minutes into the film, somehow it works – it holds one’s interest and the racing footage and editing is spectacular, especially as scored by Michel Legrand (there is one sequence early on that is breathtaking in its music and montage. The entire film takes place during the race and never leaves that location. There’s never really been a film like Le Mans – the other racing films, Grand Prix and Winning are dripping with plot and characters compared to Les Mans. You never know anything about any of the characters in Le Mans, other than that they race and/or maybe have a little rivalry going (although dramatically nothing is made of it). The transfer (as is the case with all these Cinema Center films Paramount is releasing) is astonishing, vivid, colorful and sharp as a tack.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Aren’t Friday’s notes supposed to be short? Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before this section gets even lengthier, which would be most unseemly (and did you notice that Mr. Ben Brantley used the word “unseemly” in his Gypsy review – proof positive that he reads this here site every single day).

- Friday, May 2, 2003 @ 08:41 AM PST

Thursday, May 1, 2003

Last night I watched the American version of the Japanese film Ringu, which was rather creatively entitled The Ring. The first half of the film followed the Japanese quite closely, even shot for shot at times. Then they do the American thing and try to add plot elements and explain things to the nth degree and the whole thing just dissolves in a puddle. The director also blows the Japanese film’s biggest scare by shooting it so that the effect is telegraphed before it happens (I won’t spoil it here). But I do like Miss Naomi Watts very much and the DVD was free, so there you are. Also, Hans Zimmer, a composer I simply don’t care for, wrote a nice score for it. I also watched Ken Russell’s marvelous BBC biography called Elgar.

Today I shall be having another work session with Mr. Grant Geissman, for our upcoming album project. We shall work, and then I shall go off and do other things which need doing and I shall do them lustily because, after all, it is tra la, tra la, the lusty month of May.

Now, here is my question: How come people name their children after months of the year – such as May, April, June, August, and yet they never name their children February or September or November. Damn them, damn them all to hell. Let’s click on the Unseemly Button below because don’t I have excellent questions to answer? I do, and I shall.

- Thursday, May 1, 2003 @ 08:01 AM PST