I had yet another hellacious day in the editing bay, and it shouldn’t have been, and now I really am going to have to sit down and have a chat with the person who is causing the hellaciousness, which I feel is totally unnecessary. I didn’t get home until eight, which I hate – that is just too too long a day.

Well, perhaps we’d best click on the Unseemly Button belor – the question is should we do so casually or formally? Has anyone noticed that I typed “belor” instead of “below”? What does “belor” have to do with the price of mangos? Please, let us click now or forever hold our peace or, at the very least, hold our piece.

- Thursday, July 31, 2003 @ 07:02 AM PST

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

In case you missed my post the other day, no matter what happens in the next two days, July has been our biggest month ever – it was our biggest month as of a week ago, and it keeps getting bigger. The daily and weekly averages have been astounding and I feel that soon we will be the most popular site on all the Internet.

I was going to watch Umberto D last night – I had every intention of watching Umberto D last night, and yet, I did not watch Umberto D last night. I was simply too zoned to watch anything. I ended up doing a bit of writing and then just relaxed by sitting on the couch like so much fish. Sometimes that is all one can do when one is too zoned to watch anything.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because these are short notes, don’t you know?

- Wednesday, July 30, 2003 @ 07:49 AM PST

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Last night I watched a motion picture entertainment entitled The Day of the Dolphin, which has just been released on DVD by Home Vision. I’ve never seen the film all the way through, and I must say I was very taken with it. Fa and B, the two dolphins, are amazing and should have won Academy Awards for their work in this film. The movie was a big old bomb when it came out – they tried, rather foolishly, to sell it as an action adventure, and that it most certainly is not. It’s wonderfully directed by Mike Nichols, well-written by Buck Henry, with beautiful camerawork by William Fraker and a haunting score by Georges Delerue. The cast is wonderful, too – in addition to the dolphins, excellent performances from George C. Scott, Paul Sorvino, Trish Van Devere, Fritz Weaver and a host of others. There are new interviews with Buck Henry (very droll and amusing – it’s clear he doesn’t think much of the film, but I disagree and think he did a good job and that the film basically works), Edward Herrmann and Lauren Whatever, who has a small role. This woman was so cute back then, but she is a living example of why no one should have plastic surgery. She looks nothing like what she looked like and is pulled so tight that she can barely speak. Hideous.

I have made my reservations to see Miss Melissa Errico at Feinstein’s at the Cinegrill. I’ll be seeing the show on Tuesday night, August 5, and I hope that some of you West Coast Hainsies/Kimlets can join me there. I will warn you that it is not cheap to attend Feinstein’s at the Cinegrill – it’s a $35 cover and you must spend another $30 on drinks and/or food. The old non-Feinstein’s at the Cinegrill was much more reasonable. These sorts of prices are fine for the bigger stars, but I have to believe that the club will suffer otherwise.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because we have been in this section for far too long.

- Tuesday, July 29, 2003 @ 07:52 AM PST

Monday, July 28, 2003

Yesterday, after writing all morning, I relaxed and watched a motion picture on DVD entitled Loving, starring Mr. George Segal and Miss Eva Marie Saint. I’d never seen it when it came out, but I do remember the reviews saying things like “searing”. Well, “searing” it isn’t. In fact, I don’t know what to make of the thing. It’s about George Segal, who is married with kids, who is having an affair with a strange girl named Grace. The wife of someone he commutes with is coming on to him constantly. That’s about it. There’s a big party at the end, he’s basically caught with his pants down, Eve Marie smacks him a few times and the movie ends. Just like that. It’s almost as if they lost the pages from the last part of the movie. It’s a brisk eighty-nine minutes, and I do like Mr. Segal and Miss Saint, so it wasn’t a total waste. I picked up a few other DVDs as well, including St. Martin’s Lane (which became the musical Busker Alley), Umberto D of Mr. De Sica, Horrors of the Black Museum (which is up next), Mr. Cronenberg’s Spider, and Day of the Dolphin. So, I’ve got some good watching ahead.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? I also got a compilation DVD of musical numbers from Bollywood films – unfortunately they’re all of more recent variety, but they’re still enjoyable and fun – I watch a few at a time (I think there are sixty numbers altogether).

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must hie myself to work in a little while – oh, a Mary Rodgers/Marshall Barer reference.

- Monday, July 28, 2003 @ 08:09 AM PST

Sunday, July 27, 2003

Well, I’m exhausted already from all the merriment and mirth and laughter and legs. Last night I had yet another lively and sparkling supper at Musso and Frank, with Mr. Charles Pogue, his ever-lovin’ Julieanne, and my friend Beth. Going to Musso and Frank on a Saturday night, even with a reservation, is quite different than going to Musso and Frank on a Friday night with a reservation. Despite our eight o’clock reservation we were not seated until eight-thirty. I find that very annoying. But the joint was jumpin’, the joint was packed to the rafters. It was, in fact, so loud in there that we could barely hear each other. Mr. Charles Pogue kept complaining that he could only hear ever other word or so. So, if I said to him, “How is your dinner tonight, Mr. Charles Pogue” what he heard was, “Is tonight Pogue”. Our waiter was quite elderly (most of the waiters at Musso and Frank have been there for over forty years) and because of the noise he could barely hear our orders. Hence, when Mrs. Pogue ordered a J&B on the rocks with a spritz and a twist, she received a J&B on the rocks sans spritz and sans twist. We finally got him to bring the spritz but the twist never arrived. He managed to get the dinner order right. For dessert, Mr. Pogue ordered bread pudding with whipped cream, I ordered rice pudding with whipped cream and Beth ordered Spumoni. The first problem was that our waiter served our dessert to the table next to us. They kindly passed it along to us. However, instead of Mr. Pogue’s bread pudding with whipped cream, he got rice pudding without whipped cream. My rice pudding was without whipped cream. Beth’s Spumoni was fine. I yelled at the waiter to come over (if we hadn’t gotten his attention we never would have seen him again) and I told him to bring some fershluganah whipped cream. Mr. Pogue decided not to make an issue of the mistaken rice pudding. Still and all, we had a lovely and scintillating time, except for the brief moment when a woman at a nearby table spilled water and her cretin of an elderly husband screamed at her for doing so. After dinner we retired to the Pogue’s lovely home in the hills for some further scintillating conversation. We met the Pogue’s dog, Cully, and the Pogue’s cat, whose name I can’t remember. Cully was adorable, and very friendly. Cully loves to eat, and apparently will eat anything. Cully was eating a wine cork when we arrived, and whilst we we touring the house, Cully went into Beth’s purse and ate a package of gum.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because we’ve got some more partying to do and I must hit the road, Jack, and then come back for our Unseemly Live Chat.

- Sunday, July 27, 2003 @ 09:53 AM PST

Saturday, July 26, 2003

Last night I watched a DVD entitled Four Faces West, a minor but enjoyable oater starring Mr. Joel McCrea and his ever lovin’ Francis Dee, and Charles Bickford in support. It was directed competently by Alfred E. Green, a studio director with an interesting but strange career that ran the gamut from The Jolson Story to the risible Invasion, USA. But, you can’t go wrong with Joel McCrea, so I enjoyed it very much. As usual with Artisan/Republic DVDs, the quality is iffy at best. I really hate this company – they outright lie on the DVD cases on most of their Republic releases and say that the original film negative was used. Well, what does that mean? Certainly they didn’t use the camera negatives, and none of these transfers are new – they are the same crappy transfers done for the old laserdisc editions. This is painful for films like High Noon and The Quiet Man. Phooey on them, and hopefully at some point someone will do these films justice.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because there will be more factoids coming in the next section, and besides she of the Evil Eye will be here any minute.

- Saturday, July 26, 2003 @ 08:52 AM PST

Friday, July 25, 2003

Today I invite you all to read our brand spanking new Unseemly Interview with the lovely Miss Penny Peyser. I think you will find it charming and fascinating, and there are lots of interesting revelations and tidbits about Dustin Hoffman, Robert Redford, The In-Laws, The Frisco Kid, Crazy Like a Fox, Lanford Wilson, and being a survivor in Hollywood. Read it, and post about it.

Our very own Jason Graae will be performing at the Ford Amphitheatre on August 2 at 8:30 – the concert is called Movie Music Madness, and it should be lots of fun. I’ll be there, along with dear readers Laura and Sandra, and if you’re on the coast of West you should try to make it. Reservations are 323 461-3673. Be there or be round.

Last night I tried, oh, yes, I tried. What did I try you might ask and I might tell you because why should I keep such information from you? I tried to watch a DVD, oh, yes, I tried to watch a DVD and yet I could not watch a DVD because I simply wasn’t in the mood. I was trying to watch a DVD entitled Night Flight to Moscow, one of those multi-nation thrillers originally entitled The Serpent, starring Yul Brynner, Henry Fonda, Virna Lisi, Phillipe Noiret and a host of others. It’s a decent seventies political thriller but I just couldn’t get with it and so I finally turned it off and did a little clean-up work on Kritzer 3.

Editing got a little intense yesterday, in that I saw a really rough version of what had been cut, and I gave lots and lots of notes on fixes I wanted. Today I shall sit all day with the editor, smoothing things out, so we can send a cut off to the head of the company for his notes – this first show needs to be on its way to the network for notes by mid-next week.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because we can.

- Friday, July 25, 2003 @ 07:56 AM PST

Thursday, July 24, 2003

So, the insanity of work turned out to be not so insane – in fact, the writer of the show simply addressed the notes he could, redid the script and on we go.

So, yesterday I found out that there was a certain message board on a certain site and that certain cretins on that message board were bashing our very own Juliana A. Hansen. By the time I found out about it (on another message board) the message board had been shut down, apparently forever, because of these rude cretins. A shame, as I was going to send everyone over there to teach these bashers a thing or two. One of them posted on another board and I was quite strong in my response to him. There is simply no reason on earth to bash our very own Juliana – she is far too nice, far too genuine, and far too sweet to be bashed by some bitter silly idiots. Beware, idiots, the eyes of haineshisway.com are upon you and we will not tolerate any bashing of our very own Juliana.

Even though it is already Wednesday (it is Wednesday, isn’t it?), I am looking forward to the weekend, although I may have to do some work on the new CD. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? Do you realize that too too spelled backwards is oot oot? Where else can you get such interesting facts such as these?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can see if there are any oot oot things on the other side.

- Thursday, July 24, 2003 @ 07:53 AM PST

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Very good news from Paramount Home Video – in November they are finally releasing Mr. Sergio Leone’s masterpiece, Once Upon a Time in the West, starring Mr. Charles Bronson, Mr. Henry Fonda, Mr. Jason Robards, Jr., and many, many others. Here’s hoping the transfer elements are as good as those used for the widescreen laserdisc. From what I can gather, it’s a special edition and may just be a two-disc set. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too or even two two, or perhaps to to or even tutu?

It was very overcast yesterday – still humid and yucky, but a bit cooler, and it even sprinkled a little. I took a break from kicking Ben and Jerry’s yesterday – even though I had a bit of withdrawal by taking said break.

I feel today’s notes could use a pick-me-up, don’t you? I feel today’s notes are just about too blah for my taste. I feel these here notes could use some Jerry Herman sparkle and fizz, don’t you? I think these here notes could use a little Bob Fosse Razzle Dazzle, don’t you? Yes, it could use all of the above, but I’m afraid it isn’t going to get them, because I’m currently bereft of sparkle and fizz and Razzle Dazzle, oh, yes, I’m bereft. What the hell am I talking about?

Well, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below to see if there’s any sparkle and fizz Razzle Dazzle on the other side of the tracks - oh, a Coleman and Leigh reference.

- Wednesday, July 23, 2003 @ 08:17 AM PST

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Sunday night I had a glorious massage – it had been six months since my last one, and boy (or girl) did it feel wonderful. I was like a wet noodle afterwards and I slept like a baby. Actually, babies don’t sleep all that well, so I slept like a log, oh, yes, I slept like a log.

I’ve been slogging my way through the new DVD of Hiroshima Mon Amour – it’s a bit of a tough watch, but it’s beautifully done and I like the leading lady, Emmanuel Riva, very much. It’s my first time seeing the film, and the transfer looks lovely. I’ll report more fully when I’m finished. Or, conversely, I’ll report more finished when I’m fully. What the hell am I talking about?

Got a sweet e-mail from our very own Melissa Errico, who is here in town shooting a TV series with Alicia Silverstone. She’s playing two nights at Feinstein’s at the Cinegrill, doing songs from her album and a lot of other cooliscious stuff. She asked me to pass the word along – she’d love to see all of us West Coast Hainsies/Kimlets. I’ll definitely be going, and I hope some of you can join me. Also, if you have friends on this coast, let them know. The shows are August 5 and 6 at 8:30. Reservations can be made at 323 769-7269. Be there or be round.

I have been on a Ben and Jerry’s kick – every day I buy some Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and I kick it. We have a Ben and Jerry’s across from the office and I’ve been doing my favorite flavor every day – coconut almond fudge chip – or is it coconut fudge chip almond? But I’ve been eating only one meal a day so hopefully I will not gain the dreaded weight, or even the dreaded wait.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I need to go kick some Ben and Jerry’s ice cream right now.

- Tuesday, July 22, 2003 @ 07:38 AM PST

Monday, July 21, 2003

Yesterday I watched a wonderful motion picture on DVD, entitled Juggernaut. It’s not a well-known film but it’s a terrific one, directed by Richard Lester. Made in 1974 it was kind of sold wrong, as a disaster movie. It’s not that at all – it’s about several bombs on board a luxury liner, put there by someone who wants to extort money from the ship owners. It is incredibly suspenseful, and also has Richard Lester’s trademark wackiness every now and then (there are several really funny in-jokes). The cast is brilliant – Richard Harris, Roy Kinnear, Michael Horden, a very young Anthony Hopkins, Freddy Jones and Shirley Knight. If you only know Miss Knight from recent outings be prepared for a bit of a shock – she’s not the heavyset Barbara Cookish woman we know from today – she’s a svelte and stunning beauty, a real leading woman. Rather the same demeanor and build that her daughter, Kaitlin Hopkins, has today. Anyway, get this DVD (it’s like eleven dollars) and you will really like this film, I can pretty much guarantee it.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must away, oh, yes, I must away.

- Monday, July 21, 2003 @ 07:45 AM PST

Sunday, July 20, 2003

Last night I watched a motion picture from the year 1969. I’d heard about this motion picture from 1969 and yet I’d never managed to see this motion picture from 1969. Well, that has now been rectified and I’m happy to report that this motion picture from 1969 is excellent and deserves its cult film reputation. I’ll bet you would like to know the title of this film. Well, I’ll tell you the title of this film because why should I withhold such information from you? The title of this film from 1969 is The Honeymoon Killers, although that was not the original title – no, the original title was Dear Martha. In any case, it’s coming out Tuesday on DVD from Criterion. The Honeymoon Killers is the only film of writer/director Leonard Kastle, and it’s based on a true story. It’s a very low budget affair, but it’s very well done, although I must warn you that the production sound is dreadful and very hard to understand. Somehow that adds a bit of something to the effect but you might have to go back a few times just to hear what they’re saying. The performances are wonderful, especially the honeymoon killers themselves, Shirley Stoler and Tony LoBianco. The music is by Gustav Mahler, mostly his Sixth Symphony, which is one of my favorite symphonies of all-time. There are some nice extras, especially a video interview with Mr. Kastle. He’s a wonderful raconteur and he has many good stories to tell. The two most interesting stories were that Mr. Kastle wasn’t even a writer/director back then – he was a composer and had written several operas, including one which had been broadcast on NBC. The other interesting story was that Mr. Kastle wasn’t the director of the film when it started shooting – the director of the film when it started shooting was a very young unknown named Martin Scorsese. Apparently, he did not understand just how low budget the budget was and he was taking too long to shoot and he was let go after a week and Mr. Kastle took over and finished it. About ten minutes of Mr. Scorsese’s work remains in the film. Anyway, I recommend this DVD so go get it.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t we have an Unseemly Live Chat to get ready for? So, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got to get these here notes up.

- Sunday, July 20, 2003 @ 10:04 AM PST

Saturday, July 19, 2003

Last night I picked up region 2 DVDs of Mr. Samuel Arkoff’s classic production, How To Make a Monster and Mr. Bert I. Gordon’s film, The Spider (aka Earth vs. the Spider). Full-frame transfers, a bit worn, but still nice to have. How to Make a Monster features a song that we included on our new album, You’ve Got to Have Ee-oo. I also picked up Popeye. I saw Popeye on its opening day at the Grauman’s Chinese. I lasted exactly twenty minutes before I walked out in a huff. I thought it was one of the all-time worst movies ever made. Whatever merits the Jules Feiffer script might have had were totally killed and mangled by Mr. Robert Altman, who was just the worst possible choice as a director. The first twenty minutes were so bad that I sat in the theater not believing that such a thing could even get a release. But, over the years, various people have said the film is wonderful and so I decided to see if time has been kind to it. It hasn’t. The first twenty minutes brought it all back – it’s so inept directorially on just about every level (despite some good casting) – there are times when you can tell that Feiffer’s script had some good things in it, but oh my, it’s practically unwatchable. I did make it to the half-hour point this time, and I will try my best to finish it, but in my opinion (IMO, in Internet lingo) it’s an appalling waste of celluloid.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below for I fear that these here notes are becoming hot and muggy.

- Saturday, July 19, 2003 @ 08:51 AM PST

Friday, July 18, 2003

Today (yesterday really) I had a chicken salad sandwich on rye bread (white really) and it was quite yummilicious. Thank goodness no one brought any Sees candy today (yesterday really), but they did bring fresh bagels so I had to have one of those this morning, oh, yes, I had to have one of those.

Isn’t this a marvelous experiment? This way I will not have to rush through the notes in the morning or late evening. This way I can relax and take my time. I can stop and smell the roses, I can stop and smell the Diet Coke, I can stop and smell yesterday’s mashed pototoes. Has anyone noticed that I accidentally spelled potatoes “pototoes”? Frankly, I prefer pototoes because it could also stand for Phantom of the Opera Toes. What the hell am I talking about? This is what happens when you try a little experiment – you become incoherent and you babble like a brook in the middle of a turkey shoot. What??? A brook in the middle of a turkey shoot? What in tarnation does that mean? It just came out like so much fish – I was just typing away and there it was on the screen. What does a babbling brook have to do with a turkey shoot or vice versa or even versa vice? It’s so Eugene Ionesco, isn’t it? Next I’ll be talking about the bald soprano in the office next to mine.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below to see if this little experiment works when we’re in the next section.

- Friday, July 18, 2003 @ 07:36 AM PST

Thursday, July 17, 2003

I want to eat a box of See’s dark chocolate nuts and chews. Well, that came out of nowhere, didn’t it? Yesterday, someone had one of those small little gift boxes of See’s, and I partook of two pieces of candy, and it was so good that now I want to eat a box of See’s dark chocolate nuts and chews. Damn them, damn them all to hell.

Do be sure to check out the replays of Donald’s The Broadway Radio Show – there are two this week, one with guest Sharon McNight and one with the delightful songwriter, Billy Barnes (I think I’m there with Billy, as well).

I am half-way through Mr. Billy Wilder’s Avanti. I am trying to enjoy it, and it does have its occasional charms, but it’s another of his later films that was a disaster in its theatrical release. And again, if you read the “reviews” for this thing on the imdb you’d think everyone who saw this film and didn’t like it was a total idiot, because everyone now, in hindsight, thinks it a masterpiece. It is not a masterpiece. It is, at best, an overlong trifle which, as I said, has occasional flashes of the Wilder/Diamond gloss and brilliance. I shall finish it tonight. I will say that it does get much better after the one hour point and Mr. Jack Lemmon (really obnoxious character in the first hour) and Miss Juliet Mills are excellent, as is Clive Revill. The interesting thing is that Avanti has the best transfer of all the films in the Billy Wilder box.

There seems to be some confusion about the quality of the recently released Chaplin box – some people think it’s the greatest, and some think the previous Image DVDs of these titles are better. The old Image titles were all taken from the transfers done for the early nineties laserdisc releases – I found them a bit gray and washed out, but they certainly looked decent enough considering the age of the transfers. But the new Warners set has its own problems – namely that they used the European PAL transfers to make them, and in converting the PAL to NTSC one gets different types of artifacts, most notable in Limelight, which shimmers and shakes and is just not pleasant to look at. The contrasts are better in certain cases, but they really should have done two sets of transfers. Unfortunately, when I picked up this set I got rid of the Image versions of these titles, but now I shall have to go back and find the Image Limelight because this new transfer is unwatchable.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden. Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below because now I am running late. Can you only run late or can you also walk late? If anyone has the answer, do let us know.

- Thursday, July 17, 2003 @ 08:00 AM PST

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Well, dear reader Craig did his best, but once again Mr. Mark Bakalor wasn’t there to help with a problem (these problems were supposed to be fixed and done with last week) so the Ray Courts photos don’t have a proper link in the Unseemly Photo Gallery, but they will as of Thursday morning. In the meantime, you can view the photos at the following link. I do hope you enjoy them. By the way (BTW, in Internet lingo), be sure to use the "next page" button at the top of the page so you can see all the photos on the following page. Also, the caption that says "DR Nick Redman and daughter Rebecca" should read "DR Nick Redman, daughter Rebecca with Joanie Sommers".

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button because frankly I am still so full I can barely type these here notes.

- Wednesday, July 16, 2003 @ 08:03 AM PST

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Last night I began watching the new DVD of Billy Wilder’s The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes. I’d only looked at a bit of the transfer, but I’m happy to report that after watching the first third of the film it’s really quite lovely, better than I’d first thought. It’s from the same source material as the laserdisc, but here it is much sharper with no artifacts and it looks gorgeous in its enhanced widescreen ratio. For those who are only used to today’s slick photography, you will have to get used to the heavy diffusion (very common to films of the late sixties and seventies) that was used by cameraman Christopher Challis. Just know that’s the way the film looked when it came out, so it’s an accurate representation on DVD. The film, despite the horrors inflicted on it, is still a bloody marvel – beautifully written and directed, with an extraordinary performance from Robert Stephens as Sherlock Holmes. Also good are Colin Blakely and Genevieve Page, and Clive Revill is a hoot and a holler as a Russian ballet manager. The travails of the film are fairly well known – similar to what was initially inflicted on Once Upon a Time in America – but, of course, the latter had a happy ending when the long director’s version was released one year after the bastardized version. No such luck for Sherlock. Originally designed by Wilder as a symphony in four movements and a prologue, two of the movements (stories) were totally removed by the distributor, as was the prologue. However, what’s left is cherce. The two shorn stories are included as extras, but it’s a mixed blessing – on of them only has audio, and the other only has picture. But, you can at least get an idea of what the film was supposed to be. There are also script and still excerpts from the prologue, and interviews with various and sundried people. If you haven’t seen it, check it out – it’s Billy’s best from his late period.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Quick Watson, the Unseemly Button.

- Tuesday, July 15, 2003 @ 08:02 AM PST

Monday, July 14, 2003

Last night I watched the new DVD of Mr. Billy Wilder’s Kiss Me, Stupid. This was the first Wilder film since The Spirit of St. Louis that was a huge flop at the box-office. It was disowned by its distributor, United Artists (it was released by a subsidiary of same – Lopert Pictures), it was condemned by the Catholic Legion of Decency, and it was critically lambasted by just about everyone. Now, I happen to like Mr. Wilder in his cynical mode – in fact, one of my favorite Wilder films was also a huge flop – Ace in the Hole aka The Big Carnival. But auterists have, in recent years, staunchly defended Kiss Me, Stupid as one of Wilder’s best. If you read the “reviews” on the imdb you will see this line of thinking ad nauseum – all those “reviewers” just write that party line over and over (all the reviews sound like they were written by the same person, or cadged from the same critic). I wish I could agree with them, but I can’t. I will go to the mat over Hitchcock’s lambasted Marnie – which I think is a wonderful film. I will even defend poor Hitch’s Topaz, and I will certainly defend Mr. Wilder’s own The Spirit of St. Louis, which I love. But I cannot defend Kiss Me, Stupid. It’s not that it doesn’t have funny moments, and it’s not that it isn’t wonderfully directed in black-and-white scope. It’s just that it’s too long, and it is Wilder’s worst cast film ever. That is its downfall and that is what precludes it from ever being great – despite what these people would have you believe. The history of the film is well-noted. It was originally written for Marilyn Monroe, who died. Kim Novack was cast instead, and she’s straining here, but I like her anyway. Peter Sellers was cast in a role more suited to Jack Lemmon, but Mr. Sellers had a heart attack right after filming began, and he was replaced by Ray Walston. Walston is a fine actor, but he is not a star, and he cannot carry the film comedically otherwise. His second banana is Cliff Osmond. I will say flat out that I cannot stomach Mr. Osmond – I think he’s one of the worst actors ever, but in small doses I can at least get through a film in which he appears (Mr. Wilder’s The Fortune Cookie, for example). Here he is one of the leads, and his performance is a total embarrassment – one of the worst ever committed to celluloid and fatal to this film. Dean Martin basically plays himself, and I like him a lot. Felicia Farr isn’t wonderful, but some of the other character actors are fun, especially the divoon Alice Pearce in a small role. The film is smarmy and smirky, yet occasional flashes of the Wilder/Diamond magic shine through. The one totally successful element of the film is Andre Previn’s wonderful score (abetted by some lesser-known Gershwin songs). I much prefer two other Wilder flops, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes and Fedora. It’s worth a look, though, if only to see what caused such an outcry in the mid-sixties. If the film had come out three years later it probably would have fared better. The most Wilderian line is Ray Walston’s – Kim Novack, playing a prostitute, or at least someone who has sex for money, is about to impersonate Walston’s wife – he shows her his house and says, “It’s small, but it’s clean.” Kim turns to him and says, “What is?” Very bold for the mid-sixties – and I do like the name of the small town Dean Martin gets stuck in –Climax, Nevada.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got to get crackin’.

- Monday, July 14, 2003 @ 06:42 AM PST

Sunday, July 13, 2003

Yesterday I had two count the two nice meetings and did lots of errands, including picking up the brand spanking new Billy Wilder Box Set of DVDs. Some of the DVDs included in the box have already come out (The Apartment, The Fortune Cookie, Irma La Douce, Some Like it Hot, and Witness for the Prosecution) but the others are all new to DVD (Avanti, Kiss Me, Stupid, One, Two, Three, and The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes). I’ve already checked the transfers out, and all the scope black and white films look very nice if not pristine, and Sherlock Holmes (scope and color) is the same source material as the laserdisc, i.e. it looks nice but not pristine (the photography by Christopher Challis is shot with a lot of diffusion). One does wish they’d taken a bit more care, but all the transfers of the new titles are enhanced, so that’s nice. Last night I watched all of One, Two, Three, and I really do like this film a lot – it’s dated, yes, but it’s farcical elements are still very funny and the performances, in the words of Scarlett Hazeltine, are “marvy”. James Cagney never stops talking throughout the entire film and his performance and pacing is amazing. Also delightful is Arlene Francis as his long-suffering wife, Horst Bucholtz, Lilo Pulver and just about everyone else.

I then watched most of a motion picture entitled Who Killed Teddy Bear, which I got on VCD. I haven’t seen this movie in over twenty-five years, and it’s as strange and sleazy as I remembered. Its title song is on our new album, so I had an interest to see it again. It’s quite a cast – Sal Mineo (in his underwear a lot of the time), Juliet Prowse, Elaine Stritch and Jan Murray as a detective. It’s ineptly directed by Joseph Cates who, I believe, was a Broadway producer. There are some fleeting shots of Broadway theaters playing shows like Any Wednesday, Luv and Victor Borge. I’ll finish watching it tonight.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below because aren’t I supposed to be relaxing, writing and relaxing?

- Sunday, July 13, 2003 @ 09:37 AM PST

Saturday, July 12, 2003

Now, you’ve got some reading to do, dear readers – the latest Juliana’s Journal entry, plus our newest Unseemly Interview – and then you’ve got some postin’ to do. Also, our Unseemly Live Chat will be tomorrow at six o’clock Pacific Mean Daylight Savings Time and you simply must be there.

Yesterday, I shot all day in the Oaks of Sherman, at an Optometrist’s office. I had fun, but there is one person on the production team who is sort of annoying me – I’m apparently not the only one annoyed by this person. This season, for the first time, this person has been allowed to do some field directing, and he’s feeling a bit too territorial and he’s making things a bit too weird for me, because he doesn’t like that I’m there. However, I do know the executive producer specifically wanted me there to specifically do all the things that the host of the show is involved in. Therefore, this person had better knock it off or we shall just have to bitch-slap him from here to eternity and back again.

Well, I have a splendidly splendid idea – why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button at the exact same time whilst singing the hits of The Mormon Tabernacle Choir?

- Saturday, July 12, 2003 @ 08:16 AM PST

Friday, July 11, 2003

Today I will be shooting in the Oaks of Sherman, at an eyeglasses place. And then comes the blessed weekend. Now, let us not have the usual errant and truant behavior that has been plaguing us on weekends. First of all, as of tonight there will be a new entry in Juliana’s Journal, and in addition to that there will be our new Unseemly Interview with Mr. Charles Pogue – to my mind it’s one of the best we’ve had. Mr. Pogue is bright, literate, funny and has endlessly wonderful and illuminating stories about the Motion Picture Business and its denizens. He also talks about musical theater and the whole thing is simply too too and you must not only read it you must post about it.

Say, I’ve got an idea – let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can see what unseemly things are awaiting us on the other side.

- Friday, July 11, 2003 @ 07:30 AM PST

Thursday, July 10, 2003

I forgot to tell you why I was asking the “nude” question the other day. I’ll try to keep it brief: I’ve had an offer to pose for a well-known artist, Don Bachardy, and I’ve been thinking about it. I’d met Mr. Bachardy way back when I was doing a play at the Mark Taper Forum in 1973. The pianist for the show (it wasn’t a musical, but it had two numbers) was a wonderful man named Ray Henderson. Ray had been best companions with Mr. Charles Laughton, and he was still best companions with Elsa Lanchester, Mr. Laughton’s widow. We became fast friends, and I used to brunch every Sunday with Ray and Elsa at Elsa’s beach house. Her next door neighbor was Mr. Christopher Isherwood, he of the source material that became Cabaret. Mr. Isherwood’s companion was Don Bachardy. Mr. Bachardy was quite well known for his male nudes, and he asked me back then to pose and I said no, that I didn’t feel comfy posing in the nude. So, here we are, almost thirty years later, and the offer to pose again has come from a mutual friend. I was going to do it until I heard that I would be posing nude. Now, if I would not pose nude at twenty-five years of age, why on earth would I pose nude at fifty-five years of age? Of course, I am buff and toned with abs and buns of steel, but unless Mr. Bachardy was doing a horror painting I don’t think I would be such a pleasant nude subject. So, I’m afraid I will be saying no.

Last night I finished watching The Boy Who Could Fly. As I said yesterday, I’m quite partial to the film – it has wonderful hearfelt performances, especially Lucy Deakins, Jay Underwood, Bonnie Bedelia, Fred Savage, Fred Gwynne, Lucille Fletcher and Colleen Dewhurst. It has wonderful music by Bruce Broughton. It is well-written and well-directed by Nick Castle. But I think the film has a major flaw and for me it is why I think the film did not become an all-time classic. I know, I know – you will say how can one little major flaw wreak such havoc. First I will say that the writer/director doesn’t feel it’s a flaw at all. But I think he’s wrong and have felt it since the day I first saw the film. Lulu hit it on the head in yesterday’s posts – it’s the “dream” sequence. Now, if you haven’t seen the film and you want to come to it fresh, then stop reading right now and skip to the next paragraph. You have been warned. There are spoilers ahead. The film is about an autistic boy who thinks he can fly. We, the audience, don’t know whether he can or not, we just know he thinks he can. Mid-way through the film, the Lucy Deakins character has an accident. She then has a dream and in the dream she and the autistic boy fly. It’s a beautifully done sequence. However, having the sequence then totally robs the climax of the film of its true emotional power – when they jump from the roof of a building and fly for real. We’ve seen it. Yes it may have been a dream, but the magic has lost its pull, at least for me. Take away the dream sequence (just skip it on the DVD) and suddenly the ending of the film is amazing and breathtaking, because we haven’t seen the flying – we are surprised and delighted when he can indeed fly. I think people sense something is wrong in the film, but very few people have been able to pinpoint it. Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel strongly about it. I understand what Mr. Castle was going for in the dream sequence and intellectually it’s fine. But this is a movie and the dream, for me, just lessens the surprise of what should be a major emotional release for the audience. Agree or not?

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t I have whitened teeth to go shoot? Yes, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below – first let’s dream we did, and then let’s do it for real.

- Thursday, July 10, 2003 @ 06:41 AM PST

Wednesday, July 9, 2003

Perhaps I’ll have a botox treatment while I’m there. Or perhaps I’ll have a detox treatment. Perhaps I’ll detox the botox, or vice versa and also versa vice. After we shoot the doctor (shoot as in film), then we’re going to some coffee place to shoot (as in film) some coffee goings on. Thursday we’re shooting something else and Friday we’re shooting yet something else. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

How many of you dear readers have had botox treatments or detox treatments? Do you suppose anybody who plays for the Red Socks has had botox? Do you suppose anyone who’s gone to the School of Hard Knocks has had botox? Frankly, I would only have botox after eating lox and locking my valuables in a box. What the hell am I talking about?

Well, this is a fine set of notes, isn’t it? I feel these notes need a botox treatment. Listen here, you people, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can botox the detox and accentuate the positive.

- Wednesday, July 9, 2003 @ 07:31 AM PST

Tuesday, July 8, 2003

Last night I watched the DVD of Mr. Blake Edwards’ Experiment in Terror. I have always had a soft spot for this film ever since I saw it at a sneak preview in Westwood. Back then it was truly frightening – now, not nearly so, but still very creepy (the scene with the mannequins is really weird) and Ross Martin is very strange and scary as the bad guy. Lee Remick is gorgeous, Glenn Ford is solid and always fun to watch and the supporting cast all acquit themselves nicely. The score by Henry Mancini is one of his best, with a great main title theme and some very eerie piano cues which would be emulated in Michael Small’s score for Klute. The transfer is great. I’m not watching What’s Up, Doc and will have a full report on that one tomorrow.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can finish these here notes and get crackin’.

- Tuesday, July 8, 2003 @ 07:54 AM PST

Monday, July 7, 2003

The newest entry in Juliana’s Journal is up, so that’s one thing for you to read besides these here notes. Also, Mr. Craig Brockman promises me our Unseemly Photo Gallery will be up at some point today or tomorrow and, after weeks and weeks of waiting, I hope he’s right or I will bitch-slap him from here to eternity.

All right, we’d all better click on the Unseemly Button below because haven’t you heard, I’m late.

- Monday, July 7, 2003 @ 08:51 AM PST

Sunday, July 6, 2003

Last night a friend of mine screened a 35mm Technicolor print of that marvelous motion picture entertainment, The Music Man. What a wonderful movie it is, still to this day. Why Mr. Meron and Mr. Zadan had to remake this is anyone’s guess – why they felt they had to denigrate the original just makes them look like fools. The original is a just-about-perfect adaptation of a Broadway musical into film. Since it takes place in the early part of the century it is hardly dated as a sixties film, other than it doesn’t have any silly fast cutting or step-printed sped up shots as is so au courant today. It just works – it’s perfectly cast, tells its story, makes us care about the people, and most of all trusts the material. No pandering to audiences of the day and yet audiences of the day embraced it for what it was – a grand and rollicking good show. Mr. Preston has never been bettered in this role – he embodies Harold Hill, he is Harold Hill, unlike Mr. Broderick who plays at it, who comments on it, rather than inhabiting it. One cannot say enough about Onna White’s choreography, which is stunning, especially in Marian the Librarian and the deceptively simple and charming The Sadder but Wiser Girl for Me. The other thing you realize is that there are simply no character actors today who are the equal of the unique and splendid character people we had back then. These people were one-off – Hermoine Gingold, Paul Ford, there was no one else like them. Add to that the likes of Mary Wickes, Jesslyn Fax, and every single bit player (including Hank Worden for one line) and you’ve got a film which is populated by amazing people in every single role. Just compare the movie traveling salesmen to the TV version traveling salesmen in Rock Island Line and it will be abundantly clear. In any case, I love this film and again it makes me wonder what ever happened to Monique Vermont, who played Amaryllis?

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must finish these here notes and write, write, write (that is three writes, so what can be wrong) and then prepare for our Unseemly Live Chat.

- Sunday, July 6, 2003 @ 08:37 AM PST

Saturday, July 5, 2003

Tonight I shall be going to a friends and seeing the motion picture entertainment entitled The Music Man, not the DVD but an actual 35mm Technicolor print.

Here we have an update of The Strange Case of the Reappearing Fly: I have just killed the fly I saw this morning deader than dead with a Dell computer catalog. I am hoping that will be the end of it, but we shall see.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before another fersluganah fly interrupts my train of thought or, at the very least, my bus of thought.

- Saturday, July 5, 2003 @ 10:06 AM PST

Friday, July 4, 2003

I have quite a bit to do today for reasons which I will mention over the weekend, so I shall keep these notes short and sweet since we had such endless ones yesterday.

I must admit that I have no fireworks here at my home. No sparklers, no firecrackers, no snakes, no nothing. I might buy some gummy bears later and light them on fire. Oh, that will be festive, all those colorful little gummy bears ablaze.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because we’ve got to put the coals on the barbecue and light some gummy bears ablaze, don’t we?

- Friday, July 4, 2003 @ 09:36 AM PST

Thursday, July 3, 2003

Last night I watched a motion picture on DVD entitled The Tenant, directed by Mr. Roman Polanski back in 1976. I’d only seen this film once before, on VHS video and while I enjoyed it I didn’t think it all that great. Seeing it now in a pristine and beautiful enhanced widescreen transfer I must amend my views on the film, because it’s one of Mr. Polanski’s best, and that’s saying something. It’s very much in the Repulsion mode, with a bit of Rosemary’s Baby thrown in (mostly atmosphere). It’s strange, it’s mordantly amusing at times, and Mr. Polanski’s direction is terrific, as is the camerawork of Mr. Ingmar Bergman’s very own Sven Nykvist. The score, by Philippe Sarde, is quite brilliant. Mr. Polanski stars in the film as well, and his performance is great and should have been up for an Academy Award. He is virtually never off the screen and he delivers a performance of amazing complexity. The only downside to this film is some less-than-stellar dubbing for the secondary characters. The film was shot in France, but all the French actors are dubbed – why is a mystery. It’s unnerving to hear dubbed voices for actors we know, like Isabelle Adjani and Claude Dauphin. They both speak English and are, in fact, clearly speaking English in the film – so why their voices had to be dubbed who knows. If you’re looking for a slightly different viewing experience, I’d say take a chance on this – it’s really creepy. Not quite the “thriller” that the packaging trumpets, but a really chilling mood piece of someone slowly losing his sanity.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because don’t I have some excellent questions to answer? And don’t we have to ascertain just how long this long or not long weekend is? We do and we shall.

- Thursday, July 3, 2003 @ 09:17 AM PST

Wednesday, July 2, 2003

Last night I saw an advance copy (way advance – it won’t be released until August) of a brand spanking new DVD of Mr. Claude Lelouch’s marvelous French motion picture entitled La Bonne Annee (Happy New Year). It is my favorite Lelouch film and it holds up wonderfully well. It’s got a caper, it’s got friendship, it’s got romance and it’s got sparse but wonderful music by Mr. Francis Lai. The performance by Mr. Lino Ventura is nothing short of brilliant and the rest of the cast does well, too. This film was remade in the late eighties with Peter Falk but it just didn’t have the charm of the original. This film is a total winner and I recommend it to one and all and also all and one. The transfer is decent – it’s full frame, but I have to do a bit of research because the film may have been shot in 16mm. If it wasn’t, then the aspect ratio is wrong, as it would have been 1:66 in France.

I then watched the first thirty minutes of the DVD of Mr. Stephen Sondheim’s Passion. I saw the show in an early preview and then after it opened. It is the only show that I have almost dozed off during (at the preview) and while the show had improved slightly by opening night, I just didn’t cotton to it at all – in fact, I didn’t even nylon to it. Some of the music is lovely but I think that lyrically it’s Mr. Sondheim’s weakest show. I know there are people who love this musical but I’m afraid I’m still not one of them. And I really dislike the way Mr. Lapine shot this video – it’s one of those hybrids – not a film and not a play, just somewhere in between and in between rarely works. I’m not even certain they actually taped an entire performance in front of an audience, which is usually the way these things are done. They may have taped an entire performance, sans audience, but the bulk of this is pick-up shots – for example, at the end of Happiness, Miss Marin Mazzie begins a kiss before she’s finished singing her final note which means that shot was done to playback. I suppose I’ll try to finish the thing but thus far, for me, it is just lifeless and dullsville.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before my mind plays more tricks on me, like the connecting rings. That one always baffles me.

- Wednesday, July 2, 2003 @ 07:51 AM PST

Tuesday, July 1, 2003

Yesterday we recorded the last vocal for our new CD, with Mr. Jason Graae turning in a stellar performance of I Was a Teenage Rock-and-Roll Horror Medley. What a fun album this will be. Dear readers Laura and Sandra came by and watched (they’re longtime fans of Mr. Graae) and we all had a fine time. Now we’ve got some instruments to add, then we mix and the whole affair should be in the can and ready to master within the next couple of weeks.

Last night our very own Donald Feltham and our very own me went to the Gardenia nightclub to see my friend Linden Waddell and company perform a show called Naked Women – Baring Souls Through Songs. Donald picked me up at seven-fifteen so that we’d arrive a half-hour before showtime at eight. We entered the club and were dismayed to see that there were only eight people in the audience. About fifteen minutes later there were about twelve people and then we realized that the show wasn’t until nine. By nine the joint was sold out. Pre show Donald and I talked of many things, of cabbages and kings. I always like to talk about cabbages and kings prior to my viewing a nightclub show. We especially had a good time making fun of sweet and sour cabbage and King Henry V. In any case, the show was lots of fun, very funny at times, with lots of good songs, several of which I’d recorded (a few songs from my recording of Hey, Love, the Mary Rodgers revue – including my favorite, At the Same Time, which I also included on Unsung Musicals III). Linden sounded great and her cohorts, Barbara Passolt and Molly Beck Ferguson were also very good. After the show, I ran into a lady who’d worked on The Creature Wasn’t Nice. As Mr. Sondheim would have said, “Small world, isn’t it?”

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before I start talking about fershluganah cabbages and kings again.

- Tuesday, July 1, 2003 @ 09:03 AM PST