Well, dear readers, hold your hats and hallelujah because we’ve got a birthday to celebrate on this Sunday on this Labor Day Weekend. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, in addition to our Labor Day Party we’re havin’ a birthday bash, too. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? So, let’s put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons, let’s break out the cheese slices and ham chunks and Diet Coke, let us dance the hora or, at the very least, The Jerk, because today is dear reader Sarah’s Sweet Sixteen. Yes, Virginia, Swishy Sarah is Sweet Sixteen on this very day of days. Let us give Swishy Sarah a big haineshisway.com birthday cheer, shall we? On the count of three: One, two three – A BIG HAINESHISWAY.COM BIRTHDAY CHEER TO OUR VERY OWN SWISHY SARAH!

I hope all of you are having a lovely Labor Day Weekend doing whatever it is you are doing. I am having a restful and relaxing weekend thus far. Yesterday, I had my unkempt hair kemptified and I look ever so much better without the flip in the back. I ate pasta with butter and cheese. I managed to get some writing done, and I also picked up some brand spanking new DVDs, including Larry Cohen’s quite mad, Q, a brand spanking new Region 2 Roman Polanski box, the box we’ve been waiting for – featuring enhanced for widescreen transfers of Cul-de-Sac and Repulsion, a subtitled Knife in the Water, and all ten of Mr. Polanski’s short films. The box also includes new interviews with Mr. Polanski, Gil Taylor (who shot Cul-de-Sac and Repulsion), the producers of the films, and several actors and behind the scenes folks. Repulsion also has an audio commentary with Mr. Polanski and Miss Catherine Deneuve. A wonderful set, which I’m sure will come out here at some point. I also picked up the Barbara Stanwyck Titanic, which looks great, two Don Knotts comedies, The Reluctant Astronaut and The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, and also The Apple Dumpling Gang, in which I appear quite briefly (and without billing – what was my agent thinking?). I’ve already watched Q, and I’ve just started Titanic.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, since most people are away being errant and truant anyway.

- Sunday, August 31, 2003 @ 01:13 PM PST

Saturday, August 30, 2003

Yesterday, I had rather an easy day at work, in that my editor was preparing a new cut for me to view. The way this show works is that we first prepare what is called a “radio cut” – which is basically just doing the script as written, with no shots to fill it in. Just the sound bites complete with jump cuts and black holes where footage will go. When we’ve got the radio cut where we think it works, and close to time, then the editor does what’s called the b-roll cut – where he goes through all the footage and fills in shots to illustrate what’s being talked about, and where he covers jump cuts with other footage. That process usually takes three or four days, and during that time I just sit in my office like so much fish, waiting for him to finish what I like to call “illustrating”. So, yesterday, he was “illustrating” and I was sitting. The only thing about sitting is that time moves very slowly. I tried to kick time in the pants but it still moved slowly, damn its eyes.

Isn’t funny, but time is not moving slowly today. Just when you want time to move slowly it moves quickly, just to spite you. Damn them, damn them all to hell.

Don’t forget, if you haven’t ordered your copy of Jeepers Creepers: Great Songs from Horror Films, my latest production, you simply must do so because the CD is simply too too. Just go directly to www.scarletstreet.com and all will be well with the world. Mr. Craig Brockman will also be putting up a link to the order page – it will be where the Unseemly Session Photos are. Knowing Mr. Brockman as I do, this will happen sometime around the 12th – of Never. Mr. Brockman is also late in getting up our newest Unseemly Interview – with our very own Grant Geissman, who reveals all about our new Jeepers Creepers CD, and the various and sundried other projects we’ve worked on together. It will be up this very evening and you simply must read it because it is simply too too.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must get my unkempt hair kempt.

- Saturday, August 30, 2003 @ 08:07 AM PST

Friday, August 29, 2003

Last night I had quite a marvelous and relaxing massage given me by my Russian masseusse. The best thing about my Russian masseusse is that she’s never rushin’. She’s takin’ her sweet time is what she’s doing. My favorite part of the massage is when she rubs my aching peds. That just sends me into total relaxation mode and sometimes drool starts coming from my mouth. After she left, I sat on my couch like so much relaxed fish and I was in a state of heavenly bliss. Have you ever been in the state of heavenly bliss? I like it better than California, frankly, or even stevely.

Oh, I cannot wait until work is over today, so that the long long weekend can begin. I think I’m even invited to an actual party this weekend and I might actually show up for a short time, since it is just around the corner from my very own home. But mostly I will party right here at haineshisway.com. Aside from our weekend-long Labor Day celebration, we’ve also got a birthday to celebrate, too. Our Unseemly Live Chat will be on Monday evening at six o’clock Pacific Mean Daylight Savings Time. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I must ready myself to prance about like a wood nymph.

- Friday, August 29, 2003 @ 06:54 AM PST

Thursday, August 28, 2003

Whatever shall I write about today? I could write about The Randy Vicar and the Tire Iron, or I could write about the time I let some eggs exploded because I boiled them for three hours. I could write about the proper and best way to clip one’s toenails, or even two’s toenails. I could write about the differences between tap water, filtered water, distilled water. I could write about various and sundried deodorants. I could write about where ink comes from. I could write about why human nature is amusing. I could write about why human nature is not amusing. I could write about why amusing is not human nature. I could write about nature without the human. I could write about The Randy Vicar and the Frisbee. Oh, there are so many things I could write about and yet I shan’t write about any of them, do you hear me? I shall not write about any of them because I am feeling ornery today. So, perhaps I shall write about feeling ornery today. Perhaps not.

Wasn’t that a lovely long paragraph of absolutely no importance or substance whatsoever?

I’ve been very sleepy these last few nights – very zoned by the time I got home. I just sit on my couch like so much fish, unable to concentrate on much. Then I get my second wind and try to do a bit of writing, then I go right back to being second wind-less. I’ll tell you what I could really use right about now – a foot massage. Anyone want to come over and rub my aching peds? Actually, if all goes according to Hoyle, my massuesse will be coming over tonight and I shall feel ever so relaxed and rejuvenated.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can write some more paragraphs of no importance.

- Thursday, August 28, 2003 @ 07:51 AM PST

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

These are frightening notes already, aren’t they, dear readers? These are Rosemary’s Notes, these are The Omen notes, these are Angel Heart notes, these are Damn, Yankees notes. But, we shall have a devil of a good time, no matter what. We shall even eat Devil’s Food Cake after we finish our deviled eggs.

These here notes are giving me goosebumps frankly, or even georgely. Yes, Virginia, I, BK, have goosebumps or perhaps they’re really duckbumps. Why are bumps confined to the goose? These are the questions that need to be answered on this, our 666 notes.

Yesterday, I picked up the newly-released soundtrack to Sweet Charity. I really like the soundtrack a lot and, of course, there are several differences between the soundtrack and the show. However, as the "remastering" is shrill and harsh-sounding, and I wish they'd added a few things like the Rich Man's Frug, but still I'm happy to have it - I just wish it sounded better (like their release of the Flower Drum Song soundtrack, which does sound good).

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before so we can continue our devil of a good time.

- Wednesday, August 27, 2003 @ 07:30 AM PST

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

I have one question: If there is a count of three is there a duke of two? Or an earl of four? Just asking.

What a swell party this is. We must party all the livelong day and all the livelong night. Our partying must not abate. We must not sing The Party’s Over. We must flit about like mad sprites or, at the very least, like mad canada dry ginger ales. What fun we shall have – eating, drinking and being merry madcaps. Yes, Virginia, we will have merriment and mirth and laughter and legs right here at haineshisway.com. And to anyone who says nay we say phut. Yes, we say phut to any naysayer.

I do believe that preorders for Jeepers Creepers are available from Scarlet Street. We will have sound clips and a link to the order page, but if you want to order it before we have said clips and link, just go to www.scarletstreet.com.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can keep this party on its toes.

- Tuesday, August 26, 2003 @ 07:28 AM PST

Monday, August 25, 2003

But now I must hurry along because I must be in the Oaks of Sherman very soon. Last night I watched a DVD of Mr. Blake Edwards’ The Carey Treatment, which is part of that weird promo Blake Edwards box set I got. Unfortunately, it was a pan-and-scan of a scope film, so the quality sucked little green apples. I remember disliking the film when I saw it on its release. Mr. Edwards was on a downward spiral in his career, and The Carey Treatment still remains one of his worst films. It’s actually mind-boggling in its badness – although most of that can be blamed on the inept script. Still, I like James Coburn and Jennifer O’Neill, and a few of the other actors are good. Shockingly, Mr. Mancini did not do the film, just about the first time Mr. Edwards was without Mr. Mancini since the late fifties. The score, perfectly serviceable, was by Roy Budd. I must say, when Mr. Edwards is “on” he’s wonderful – there has been no one really better at shooting comedy in scope. But when he’s off, boy is he off – truly awful. But, I always like to give him the benefit of the doubt, and frankly, even in his worst there is usually a scene or two that makes me howl.

I also watched The Vampire Lovers, which I really like. It’s the first of what became the Hammer Films Karnstein Trilogy – lesbian vampire films with lots of blood and nudity. Ingrid Pitt is luscious, as is Madeline Smith, and Peter Cushing is always fun to watch.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before I bite someone in the neck.

- Monday, August 25, 2003 @ 07:31 AM PST

Sunday, August 24, 2003

Last night, I got together with dear reader Jane, who is in town tending to her father. We went to RJ’s and snacked and talked, not necessarily in that order. Then we walked over to Baskin Robbins and had ice cream, then we walked up and down Beverly Drive. Beverly Drive seems to be dead, that is all I can say. Walking at night on Beverly Drive was always fun, because there was a lot of foot traffic, interesting people, and shops were open. Last night, there was no foot traffic, no interesting people and nothing but restaurants were open. The telling factor was that despite it having people there, the Cheesecake Factory had tons of empty tables. I have never in all my years of walking by the Beverly Hills Cheesecake Factory seen empty tables, no matter what time. It doesn’t help that they are, once again, ripping up the streets. In any case, Jane and I had a splendidly splendid time, we laughed and reminisced (we’ve known each other since high school) and we even drove around our old neighborhood, too, which I’ve done several times recently for book purposes.

I got the strangest thing yesterday whilst checking out some new DVDs. I got a boxed set called The Blake Edwards Collection. What is strange about it is that it was apparently pressed for some tribute to Mr. Edwards, and given to the attendees. It was put together by Warner Home Video, and it has ten count them ten DVDs in a lovely case. The packaging is different on films like Victor/Victoria, Ten, The Great Race (which has corrected audio – the first release has mistakes in the main title audio track), SOB, and Skin Deep. But, it’s the other five movies that makes this set interesting, because none of them have been released on DVD and a few of them probably won’t for quite some time. The other five films are Days of Wine and Roses, The Carey Treatment, The Wild Rovers, the more recent TV movie version of Peter Gunn (with Peter Strauss), and best of all, Soldier in the Rain (written by Mr. Edwards, but directed by Ralph Nelson). That’s the good news. The bad news is that they are all full-frame transfers of older masters. The film that suffers the most from that is The Wild Rovers which was shot in scope. Still, it’s great to have Days of Wine and Roses and Soldier in the Rain, and those look pretty good, too. And, of course, the TV movie of Peter Gunn was shot full frame, so that’s fine.

I also picked up some of those inexpensive MGM two-fer Midnight Movie titles – lots of Roger Corman films, and best of all The Vampire Lovers, a strange and interesting film from Hammer Studios that I am quite fond. Other titles are Countess Dracula, The Comedy of Terrors/The Raven, The Haunted Palace, etc. Also, single releases of David Cronenberg’s interesting film, The Brood, and Dan Curtis’ Burnt Offerings.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because these here notes are starting to seem like a laundry list to me.

- Sunday, August 24, 2003 @ 09:08 AM PST

Saturday, August 23, 2003

Thurday night, upon my arrival at home, I decided to install the new AOL 9.0. That little chore took five hours. And then I discovered that it hadn’t ported over my filing cabinet or my downloads from 8.0. So, yesterday morning I spent a half-hour with tech support and we ported them over manually. When I installed 8.0 everything came over automatically, but I guess there was some problem this time. Anyway, I understand there are all kinds of new spiffy features but I have no idea how to use them or what they do. Perhaps I’ll do a little investigating this weekend, oh, yes, perhaps I’ll do a little investigating.

Don’t forget, tomorrow is our Unseemly Live Chat at six o’clock Pacific Mean Daylight Savings Time. And I do believe Mr. Craig Brockman has put up some more Millie photos in Juliana’s Journal, this time in color.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because she of the Evil Eye will soon be looking at me askance if I don’t beat a hasty retreat. Have you ever beat a hasty retreat? If so, what did the hasty retreat do to you that it deserved to be beat? Answer that, why don’t you?

- Saturday, August 23, 2003 @ 09:07 AM PST

Friday, August 22, 2003

Yesterday, because of all your excellent Hainsies/Kimlets good vibes, I finally put an end to some of the residual evil that was the cause of the primary evil which I have been dealing with for the past two years. I hope that none of you dear readers ever have to be put through the sort of thing I was put through. I know that in the long haul, karma will work it’s lovely magic. I rest easy in that knowledge. The most amazing thing to me about this past two years is that, despite what was going on, I have a) been able to survive, b) been able to write three novels (well, I’ll be finished with the third soon), c) been able to adapt Nudie Musical for the stage, and d) been able to produce a new CD (with more to come). And, on top of all that, I was able to create this here website, and am blessed that it has become a gathering place for some amazingly wonderful folks. Yes, we’ve had our Uncouth Interlopers (some as a result of the above-mentioned evil, and some for other reasons), but we get through the minimal annoyances. I have hated newsgroups and chat boards on the Internet for so long, and the pleasure of having this site is that it is a role model of how the Internet can work – that we can have disagreements, and have differing opinions, but never attack people and disrespect people (even though the Uncouth Interlopers have done their damndest to cause trouble). You dear readers are bright, articulate, funny, clever and a barrel of fun – no matter what the age of the dear reader. So, I thank you for your support, I thank you for making haineshisway.com a safe haven for smart people, and I thank you for being loyal and true Hainsies/Kimlets. Onward and ever upward, say I.

My goodness, that was a gooey and endless paragraph, wasn’t it? But I get sentimental sometimes and damn them, damn them all to hell, what’s wrong with a little sentimental paragraph every now and then. Sentimental me, with an emphasis on the mental. However, now I shall tell you the story of The Randy Vicar and the Refried Beans. Oh, that is a fine story, but perhaps we should all just click on the Unseemly Button below because it is a rather randy story and it might make more than a few dear readers blush.

- Friday, August 22, 2003 @ 07:34 AM PST

Thursday, August 21, 2003

I feel that thus far these here notes are in their formative stages, don’t you? I don’t think these here notes have found their sea legs, do you? I believe these here notes are sans sea legs, don’t you? What do you do when you see sea legs? Do you say, si si when you see sea legs? What the hell am I talking about?

You know, it’s occurred to me that these here notes are in their formative stages and haven’t yet found their sea legs. I believe that these here notes haven’t found their way to where they’re going. I believe the ultimate destination these are notes are heading to remains undetermined at this time. I believe with every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. I believe if we climb ev’ry mountain and ford or, at the very least, chevrolet ev’ry stream that we will never walk alone. I believa in miracles. What am I, Kathryn Kuhlman all of a sudden?

Has anyone noticed these here notes are still in their formative stages? Perhaps if we all click on the Unseemly Button below these notes will finally ease on down the road.

- Thursday, August 21, 2003 @ 07:24 AM PST

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Did you know that Meltz and Ernest wrote a very nice song called I’m Calm as a Cucumber? They did, and here it is.

I’M CALM AS A CUCUMBER Music by Hinky Meltz Lyrics by Ernest Ernest

If I had a dollar
For ev’ry time I got hot under the collar
I’d be a millionaire
But baby I’ve learned my lesson
And baby I’m confessin’
I’ll retire my ire and from now on
I won’t have a care
And now

I’m calm, calm as a cucumber
I’m cool as a potato chip
While I used to get quite angry
Now look how I’ve got a grip

I’m calm, calm as a cucumber
I’m cool as boysenberry pie
While I used to simply blow up
Now my tantrums blow right by

Look at me
Fancy and free
Making things light and fun
Look at me
Got a degree
In Happiness 101

I’m calm, calm as a cucumber
I’m cool as a banana split
While I used to blare and bellow
Now I never have a fit

I’m calm, calm as a cucumber
I’m cool as a corned beef on rye
Yes, I’m a calm and cool customer
And quite a happy-go-lucky guy.

Isn’t that a wonderful Meltz and Ernest song. So lilting in these times of occasional turmoil.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I’ve got places to go and people to see, don’t you know?

- Wednesday, August 20, 2003 @ 07:43 AM PST

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

I DON’T KNOW WHY, I JUST DON’T Music by Hinky Meltz Lyrics by Ernest Ernest

There’s an old saying
I’ve heard in the past
When you don’t like someone
Romance cannot last
I’ve taken this opportunity
To give my thoughts some unity
So, I think I can say with impunity
My thoughts on this matter
Here they are, on a platter

Do I ever miss you
I don’t know why, I just don’t
Do I want to kiss you
I don’t know why, I just don’t
Could it be that little moustache
Did that do the trick, dear?
Girls who have moustaches
Really kind of make me sick, dear

And do I admire you
I don’t know why, I just don’t
And do I desire you
I don’t know why, I just don’t
Could it be that giant honker
That you call a nose, dear?
Or your flabby tummy
That you hide with baggy clothes, dear

It wasn’t always so
It wasn’t always thus
Once you looked but quite delightful
But now you look like a bus

Do I want your charms, dear
I don’t know why, I just don’t
To be in your arms, dear
I don’t know why, I just don’t
Could it be those little buttons
That you call a bust, dear
Or your ingrown toenails
Well, I think it really must, dear

I’ve said it all
You’ve heard me plain
Our love affair
Is down the drain
Do I want to ravish and revere you
Always to be near you
I don’t know why, I just don’t.

Isn’t that a marvelous Meltz and Ernest song? One of their best, I think. Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got to make tracks, don’t you know?

- Tuesday, August 19, 2003 @ 07:36 AM PST

Monday, August 18, 2003

Those people on another chat board are now trying to call our very own Juliana anorexic. Let me tell you, Juliana is so not anorexic – she is healthy as a horse, she has a lovely appetite (I’ve taken many meals with her) and she couldn’t do eight shows a week if she was starving herself. But on they go, rather disingenuously, saying she’s sending out the wrong message to her fans and then acting like they’re really worried about her. Well, I do hate to ruin their fun, but there’s nothing to worry about and they are full o’ beans.

Last night I watched a motion picture entitled Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band. I know this film probably has some nostalgia value for some, but it really is one of the most excruciating films I’ve ever sat through. It does have a couple of nice things in it – I liked Sandy Farina’s songs, and I liked Frankie Howerd’s When I’m Sixty-Four (otherwise, he’s totally wasted), and Steve Martin is somewhat amusing. But the thing just goes on and on and their attempt at having a plot is ludicrous and totally unfunny and, worst of all, boring. The director has no feel for how to shoot a musical number, which doesn’t help a film that is virtually all musical numbers. However, it is worth the price of the disc to watch the finale – it is mind-boggling. All these rock stars of the time, mixed with people like Carol Channing, Gwen Verdon, Chita Rivera, Connie Stevens – I mean, it’s what the people of my generation used to call “a trip”. The transfer and sound are top-notch.
I also watched Mr. Roman Polanski’s strange film, The Fearless Vampire Killers. I really liked it a lot – beautifully directed with terrific performances and a great score by Krystof Komeda (billed as Christopher Komeda). Polanski himself plays a leading role and he is a terrific actor. And Sharon Tate was amazingly beautiful.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must be on my merry way, don’t you know.

- Monday, August 18, 2003 @ 08:02 AM PST

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Yesterday, I picked up a plethora of new DVDs, including Hello, Dolly!, All that Jazz, some Bergman films (Ingmar, not Ingrid), and Terminal Station (aka Indiscretion of an American Wife). I have only watched the latter (in its original cut, i.e. Terminal Station) which is okay but not great. But I checked out the other transfers because I knew you would want to know about them. I had region 2 DVDs of both Dolly and All that Jazz and both of them had transfers that weren’t up to snuff, whatever the hell that means. They were enhanced for widescreen TVs, but they were on the brown side and grainy and grimy-looking. Well, I’m happy to report that the new Fox DVDs look great – Dolly is sharp as a tack, colorful and has great sound. Unfortunately, the best transfer in the world isn’t going to help most of the film. All That Jazz looks great, too, and, of course, is a terrific film. Mr. Fosse really knows how to shoot a number, and the little song that Anne Reinking and Erzsebet Foldi do (Everything Old in New Again) never fails to bring a tear to my eye, so perfect a moment is it. Oh, I also got Chicago on DVD, and it looks and sounds terrific. I watched about thirty minutes of it and I know it’s sacrilege around these parts but I just don’t care for it. I try to care for it, but I don’t. It just wears me out. I did watch the cut number, Class, and boy were they right to cut it – it’s terrible, in my opinion (IMO, in Internet lingo). The Bergman films (Ingmar, not Ingrid) look great, too. And, on a belated note (Db), if you haven’t picked up the new transfer of Casablanca, do so immediately – it looks incredible, and the movie is a wonder. Bogart and Bergman (Ingrid, not Ingmar) are just what movie stars are all about, and the supporting cast is one of the greats and none of them are more great than the great Claude Rains.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below, shall we? Because, believe it or not, there are two more DVDs to tell you about.

- Sunday, August 17, 2003 @ 09:09 AM PST

Saturday, August 16, 2003

I finally got this show about water into reasonably good shape – I had to restructure the whole show, basically – move things around and rewrite voice-overs and get it to actually tell a little story with some forward momentum. Next week two more shows go into editing, and won’t that be a barrel of laughs?

Last night I supped with my pal Beth, who has written her very own version of Sweeney Todd. It, of course, is not a musical, and it is quite different, story-wise, to the Sondheim/Wheeler version. She actually gave me the script three weeks ago, but then she and a director friend had done some work on it, so tonight I’m getting the latest version. I feel that I would make a fine Sweeney Todd in this film, as I can empathize with a character who wants to slit the throat of someone he feels has done him wrong, oh, yes, I can empathize with that all right.

Keep sending those excellent Hainsies/Kimlets vibes, especially next Monday and Tuesday. Did you know that Lionel Hampton always had good vibes? We also had an unscheduled impromptu Unseemly Live Chat last night - it was quite fun, and the fur was flying fast and free. We might do more of these in the future. They will happen in the present but if you're not around they will be a thing of the past. This is known as The Past, The Present and The Future Impromptu Unseemly Live Chat Thing (TPTPATFIULCT, in Internet lingo).

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got a radio show to tape, don’t you know?

- Saturday, August 16, 2003 @ 08:14 AM PST

Friday, August 15, 2003

For you Sergio Leone fans, there is a brand spanking new region 2 DVD of A Fistful of Dynamite (aka Duck, You Sucker) that has just come out, enhanced for widescreen TVs and uncut. Then, in September the region 2 release of Once Upon a Time in the West comes out. Both will be out here in the US, towards the end of the year. But for those who cannot wait and who have multi-region players it will be a Leone-fest all too soon. My Fistful of Dynamite is on its way from the UK, and my OUATITW will be on its way in mid-September from France. I love Mr. Leone and I’ve been looking forward to these releases since the advent of DVD.

Tomorrow, I will be heading over to our very own Donald Feltham’s abode and whilst there I will be taping an upcoming Broadway Radio Show and we’ll be debuting a few of the tracks from Jeepers Creepers: Great Songs from Horror Films. Stay tuned for when you should stay tuned for. I have listened to the CD a few times, and I do think I’m happy with the order – one of the few times I’ve gotten it without having to change it endlessly.

We hope and trust that all of our East Coast Hainsies/Kimlets weathered the blackout in fine fashion (toreador pants, ruffled blouse and kick-me heels). I hate blackouts (yes, Virginia, we’ve had a few here on the West Coast) so I commiserate, oh, yes, I commiserate.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I must get my butt cheeks to the Oaks of Sherman, where I shall work all the livelong day.

- Friday, August 15, 2003 @ 07:43 AM PST

Thursday, August 14, 2003

Don’t you all love the fact that we will soon be the most popular site on all the Internet? I mean, so many posts, and such smart posts, and such posts as you see nowhere else. I occasionally visit other boards just to see what’s going on, and what’s going on is nowhere near what’s going on here, which I find queer. What am I, a rhyming dictionary all of a sudden?

Last night I watched a motion picture entertainment on DVD. It was entitled Targets and it was the first film directed by Peter Bogdanovich (he’d worked on a couple of others, but this was really his first). It’s a good film, not a great one, but Boris Karloff is wonderful in it, as is Tim O’Kelly. Mr. Bogdanovich also plays a key roll and I’ve always felt his performance is a bit amateurish, despite the fact that he’d been an actor since he was fifteen. His direction is much better than his acting and there are some very good and tense scenes in the film. The location work was all done in the San Fernando Valley, and it’s amazing to see what it looked like in 1967 – it’s as flat as a pancake. There are almost no tall buildings anywhere. The last third of the film takes place at the Reseda Drive-In – no longer there, of course – if you haven’t ever seen a drive-in it’s fun to see what those things looked like. Anyway, it’s a good film and the transfer is excellent (it’s a low-budget film, though). Mr. Bogdanovich introduces the film and do not watch the introduction if you haven’t seen the film, since it contains and shows major plot spoilers. It also features a commentary by Mr. Bogdanovich who always sounds like he’s about to burp, or at least he sounds that way to me.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I’ve got to hie myself to the Oaks of Sherman.

- Thursday, August 14, 2003 @ 07:57 AM PST

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Last night, I watched a motion picture entertainment on DVD. The film was entitled Die! Die! My Darling, and it starred Miss Tallulah Bankhead and Miss Stephanie Powers. It’s not very good, no Baby Jane, but Miss Bankhead is so demented that it’s quite watchable. Had it had another score it might have been better, but Mr. Wilfred Josephs score makes DeVol’s score for Baby Jane seem like Mahler. The opening half-hour is scored like a Frank Tashlin cartoon. It’s so wrong, and the film’s tone is never established correctly – you think it’s going to be like The Addam’s Family or something. Still, Miss Bankhead is worth the price of the DVD. After that, I began watching what is surely one of the worst motion pictures in history – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. What were these people on when they filmed this movie? What were they thinking? I’m only twenty minutes in, however, so maybe it gets better, although I would doubt it. I’ll have more to say tomorrow.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I am writing these here notes off-the-cuff and I have run out of cuff. I did not have enough cuff and I cannot bluff that I have more cuff and if I don’t go to the next section I shall be gruff and I shall be in a huff and that will be rough. What am I, a rhyming dictionary all of a sudden?

- Wednesday, August 13, 2003 @ 07:35 AM PST

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Last night I watched a motion picture on DVD entitled Paper Moon, un film de Peter Bogdanovich. I like this movie very much, and the performances are all perfect. Tatum O'Neal and her daddy Ryan are especially terrific, as is the late and great Madeline Kahn. It’s well-directed and shot and the whole affair works very well. One of the things I occasionally don’t like about Mr. Bogdanovich is his non-use of film scores. All his films seem to be made up of songs or, in the case of Daisy Miller, classical pieces. In the case of Paper Moon it's fine, but sometimes a little scoring in his other films would help. I’m not talking about over-the-top scoring, just some nice underscore occasionally. The transfer on Paper Moon is yummilicious. I will offer this warning again – if you haven’t seen the film, under no circumstance watch the “introduction” by Peter Bogdanovich. It contains tons of spoilers and will ruin the film for you. This goes for all of this week’s Bogdanovich releases, but especially Daisy Miller and Targets.

I have the desire for a smelt, don’t you? Have you ever smelled a smelt? Have you ever smelt a smell? You see what happens? I hit upon a word like “smelt” or “pelt” and I cannot stop. It permeates these here notes until I hit upon another word, such as “scrod”. When one hits upon a word like “scrod” all else pales, including “smelt”. Of course, “scrod” is a name not a word, but only a pedant would point that out. Have you ever had a pedant point out anything? It is quite annoying especially if said pedant is pointing out “scrod”. Damn them, damn them all to hell.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can all eat our smelts whilst sitting in our pelts pondering the word scrod whilst saying, “What a bod hath the scrod.”

- Tuesday, August 12, 2003 @ 07:23 AM PST

Monday, August 11, 2003

What a long session it was, but the results are wonderful. Vinnie came over at three and put the hot fudge on the premixes and it all sounds splendidly splendid and I think I am very pleased with this CD. It was lovely to work with Vinnie again - it's been way too long, and he really is the best. He helped every mix and added the sparkle and sheen that I both need and love. I’ve come up with a tentative order, which I’ll listen to tomorrow night. If it works, voila, if not, I’ll finesse it until it does.

Someone asked what the difference between IB Technicolor and three-strip Technicolor is/was. Three-strip was a photographic process and IB is a printing process. The three-strip process was abandoned in the early fifties (it was very very unwieldy) and everything after that was shot on some form of Eastman color stock. The IB printing process was a dye transfer process which yielded extraordinary prints, rich and vivid in color. Eastman, by comparison, didn’t have near the luster. And the big difference is that Eastman color faded within years, faded to ugly brown, whereas IB Technicolor never faded. Interestingly, transfers made from original IB prints aren’t so hot, because the prints are too dense to transfer well. IB printing continued until 1974 (I believe the last two films to be printed in IB in the US were Chinatown and Godfather II). Technicolor then sold their machines to Red China. England still printed in Tech up through Star Wars, I believe. A new Eastman stock came out in the early eighties called LPP, and that stock has proven to be very stable with no color fading occurring. That’s probably more than you needed to know. In any case, the US now has a couple of IB machines, and they’ve been doing small runs on certain films. All the Wizard prints of the last twenty-five years have been off an Eastman internegative, printed on Eastman stock. So, those prints didn’t have the incredible density of color that IB prints have. For the 2000 showings of Wizard, 50 prints were run off in IB and they were made from a nitrate source and they are astonishing and breathtaking and must be seen to be believed.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must amscray but quick.

- Monday, August 11, 2003 @ 07:37 AM PST

Sunday, August 10, 2003

Yesterday, I picked up several new DVDs, including a Peter Bogdanovich triptych, Targets, Paper Moon and Daisy Miller. I checked out the transfers, which are all splendidly splendid. What is not splendidly splendid are the Peter Bogdanovich “introductions” to each film. These are “written, produced, and directed” by my least favorite person who does these sorts of things, Mr. Laurent Bouzeareau. So, not only does Mr. Bogdanovich “introduce” each film, he gives away major plot spoilers (with accompanying scenes from the film) and each of the “introductions” are at least ten minutes long. Call them anything else but “introductions” and it would be fine. Or, warn the viewers that they’ll be hearing plot spoilers, including the endings of the films. Because, if one isn’t aware, one might just watch something called “introduction” thinking that all that will happen is that Mr. Bogdanovich will say a few words and then the film will begin. Brickbats to Mr. Bouzeareau, who gets paid a lot of money to do this sort of thing.

Last night, I went to a friend’s to see a screening of The Wizard of Oz in IB Technicolor. What I did not know was that this was one of the fifty IB Tech prints that were made in the year 2000. Since there hadn’t been much of anything printed in IB Technicolor since Technicolor stopped doing that sort of thing in 1974 (they, in fact, sold the machines to Red China) I didn’t hold out a lot of hope as to what the film would look like. But, before we ever got to the film we had to sit through a half-hour of outtakes from Annie Get Your Gun with Miss Judy Garland, a cartoon, and the complete making of The Wizard of Oz documentary from 1990 that’s on the DVD. By the time he started the film it was nine-thirty, so I only stayed until Judy got to Oz and the film went to Technicolor. But, I must tell you, it was the most gorgeous print I’ve ever seen of the film – it outdid any of the old IB Tech prints I’ve seen – it was, in fact, amazingly sharp and so colorful that it almost hurt one’s eyes. So, my feeling is that they should reprint lots of films in IB Technicolor – starting with The Adventures of Robin Hood.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t I have an album to mix? I do, and I shall, so let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can vamoose or, at the very least, vambuffalo.

- Sunday, August 10, 2003 @ 09:36 AM PST

Saturday, August 9, 2003

I will say one thing: One thing. There, I’ve said it and I’m glad. The new water regulator that was installed as part of the hugely expensive goings on at my home earlier in the week has made all the difference in the world and environs. I suddenly have really good water pressure – I’ve had less water pressure than I care for ever since I moved in – I had a plumber out before, but he said nothing could be done about it. He was a poseur, I tell you, a poseur. A plumbing poseur, which is the worst kind of poseur. I know that because this new water regulator has made all the difference in the world and environs and I have splendidly splendid water pressure now. Bowl me over with a tuna if I wasn’t pleased as all get out. Do you know that the only thing that separates “bowl” from “bowel” is an “e”? That little “e” makes all the difference in the world and environs, doesn’t it?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because she of the Evil Eye will be here shortly, in mere minutes as a matter of fact.

- Saturday, August 9, 2003 @ 08:25 AM PST

Friday, August 8, 2003

Last night I watched a motion picture entertainment entitled Wait Until Dark, starring the lovely and incandescent Miss Audrey Hepburn, along with Alan Arkin, Richard Crenna and Jack Weston. I love this movie, even though the husband character (Efram Zimbalist, Jr.) is one of the worst-written idiots in the history of film. But everything else works splendidly. It has one of Mr. Henry Mancini’s finest scores, and one of the biggest jumps in screen history. I saw the film opening day at the Egyptian Theater, and I’m here to tell you that the scream and the accompanying jump was so loud they could probably hear it at the Brown Derby. The jump never fails to work and I have analyzed it and I think it’s because even if you’ve seen the film and know it’s coming up, it happens a half-second later than you think it’s going to happen, and it catches me by surprise every time. I wish I had better things to say about the transfer. It’s certainly decent, enhanced for widescreen TVs and all – but the source material is surprisingly littered with marks and is also noticibly on the brown side. The colors are all there, but it does not look like the Technicolor print I owned. There really is no excuse for this sort of thing anymore – all they had to do was look at a Tech print and match the color – in this case, add some blue. Then the color, at least, would have been perfect. Still, if you love the film, this is all you’re going to get for awhile, so buy it and enjoy it.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I am frankly or even georgely concerned that men with big machines will show up again and I do not wish to be here if they do.

- Friday, August 8, 2003 @ 07:56 AM PST

Thursday, August 7, 2003

Yesterday I received in the post a Region Two DVD of Mr. Roman Polanski’s Repulsion, from Japan (it’s quite rare, as the DVD has been out of print for some time) – it’s letterboxed but not enhanced, but the quality is excellent. Repulsion, which I shall try to watch tonight, is one of the creepiest movies ever made, but it’s creepy in a very quiet way. For years I simply couldn’t watch it at all because it weirded me out so much. It’s quite brilliantly directed, with a really interesting score by jazz legend Chico Hamilton (arranged and orchestrated by Gabor Szabo). If you’ve never seen it, try and get hold of a copy – although the DVD that was released briefly here by Koch was reprehensibly bad.

It is ever so much fun to be at work and see all your excellent posts – which have been growing and growing with each passing day. It gives me lots and lots to read, plus they are simply the best posts on all the Internet.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must get ready to work all the livelong day.

- Thursday, August 7, 2003 @ 08:03 AM PST

Wednesday, August 6, 2003

Our very own WEL castigated me yesterday for responding to someone on another board – someone who’d been dissing our very own Juliana. I would not have responded to the disser if he’d just posted once – it was because he felt it necessary to do it twice that irked me. I know one isn’t supposed to respond to trolls, but I suppose when I am irked I simply do so – albeit, hopefully with humor. It’s fine to not like her journal or even her – once. More than that is unfair and I will be there to defend her every single time. That is my nature and no matter how hard we may try we cannot change our natures. If someone on that same board came on and dissed WEL I would be there to defend him as well, or as WEL. Or any other dear reader. That is my nature. And no matter how hard we may try we cannot change our natures.

So, in addition to replacing all the air conditioning stuff, I also had to replace the regulator on my plumbing system – this will hopefully take care of some water-pressure issues I have been having. Luckily, I asked about the pressure, which enabled him to check the regulator – because if we’d let it go another month even it would have exploded because a key part had rusted through and broken. So, even though it was another five hundred bucks, it gives me a little peace of mind or, at the very least, a little piece of mind.

Last night our very own Nick Redman and myself attended Miss Melissa Errico’s nightclub act at Feinstein’s at the Cinegrill. Before we get to Miss Errico, may we just discuss the club? We may, and we shall. I do not like the club. I found the layout and design to be annoying. I didn’t love the old Cinegrill, but it was a friendly room – the new Cinegrill is fancy-shmancy and not friendly at all. Another thing that is not friendly is the tariff. They are simply making it so expensive that people who would really enjoy seeing a show like Miss Errico’s are precluded from doing so. Let me just say this: For Nick and I each having braised chicken in some kind of hose sauce (hosein or hoisen or whoosis or something), me having a salad (lobster cobb – the smallest “salad” I have ever seen – it was a small lump of chopped lettuce with one tiny piece of lobster sitting atop it as if it were getting a suntan), Nick having two beers and me having two Diet Cokes, the bill, with tip, came to approximately $180.00. That did, of course, include the cover charge, although after the show I wanted to take the cover home and couldn’t find it. I mean, if one is going to pay a cover charge one should get the cover, shouldn’t one? In any case, it was all worth it because Miss Melissa Errico was splendidly splendid, in wonderful voice, and her band was aces. Practically everything was from her album, and the most lovely moment in the show was the Rodgers and Hart song, He Was Too Good to Me. The other highlight for me was Bill Evans’ marvelous Turn Out the Stars which, it turns out, is included on the Japanese version of her album. There were quite a few people from Miss Errico's agency and Miss Errico's label in attendance - and the ubiquitous Marilyn and Alan Bergman were also there. Miss Melissa Errico has one more show, tonight, so if you’re in the nabe, do try and catch it. And don’t forget – insist that you get a cover for your cover charge.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because soon I must hie myself to the Oaks of Sherman where I shall work all the livelong day.

- Wednesday, August 6, 2003 @ 07:39 AM PST

Tuesday, August 5, 2003

Tonight I shall be going to the Cinegrill to see our very own Melissa Errico in concert. I do hope that if you’re in the Los Angeles area you will come and we can have ever so much fun being Hainsies/Kimlets for all the world to see. The show is at eight-thirty and they recommend you get there at 6:45 to sup. One may as well sup because you get charged thirty bucks for drinks and food whether you sup or not. I will, of course, have a full report for you tomorrow.

Last night I watched a motion picture entertainment on DVD entitled Duel. Duel, of course, was actually a made-for-tv movie (for the great ABC Movie of the Week) directed by a very young Steven Spielberg. It was a marvel then and it’s a marvel now, a wonderfully made movie. I was lucky enough to score a copy despite Universal’s having cancelled the release two weeks ago. Apparently, just prior to the cancellation they’d shipped to several online vendors like amazon.com – and apparently those vendors were allowed to ship what they had. I’m sure it will be out in a few months – there is some speculation that the release was pulled out of sympathy for the loss of Dennis Weaver’s daughter in the 3rd Street promenade massacre. In any case, it was great seeing it again.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I must get crackin’ and make tracks to the Oaks of Sherman.

- Tuesday, August 5, 2003 @ 08:14 AM PST

Monday, August 4, 2003

Yesterday, I finished comping the vocals for the new album and I’m happy to say that they came out splendidly splendid, and now we are moving on to the mix. Our plan is to get rough mixes of everything done this week and then for Vinnie “finally another album” Cirilli to come in a finesse what we’ve done. Then it shall go off to the mastering facility and then to the pressing plant and then voila, a brand new CD will be born. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? I really like all the tracks, but right now I am especially enamored of the ones we did today – Sharon McNight’s Jeepers Creepers (an amazing vocal), Jason Graae’s I Was a Teenage Horror Medley, Katherine Helmond’s demented Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, and Tammi Tappan’s Who Killed Teddy Bear.

Last night I supped with the Joneses and we had a lovely time. Margaret Jones made rosemary potatoes, and Richard Jones barbecued steaks, and we had salad and rolls as well, and it was all quite cozy and delicious. Then we had chocolate cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory for dessert.

Hopefully, the air conditioning people will be here this morning to fix whatever the problem is – last night, whilst I was supping, the house cooled off considerably because I opened all the windows prior to leaving.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because soon I must be on my way to the Oaks of Sherman to work all the livelong day.

- Monday, August 4, 2003 @ 07:03 AM PST

Sunday, August 3, 2003

Last night, dear readers Laura and Sandra and myself had supper at Du-Par’s and then went to the John Anson Ford theater to see the West Hollywood Orchestra with special guest, Mr. Jason Graae in an evening of music from the movies. It was a delightful concert and Mr. Graae was, as always, in top form – singing beautifully and being his usual hilarious self. He even did my arrangement of the Sherman Brothers nonsense words medley, which went over very well. Mr. Richard Sherman was in attendance, and we had a very nice chat, and he was quite candid about the album that I did of his music and what had ultimately been done to both myself and the album. I also saw several other people I knew, and afterwards we went back and spent time with Mr. Jason Graae. All in all, a fine time was had by one and all and also all and one.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because, despite the fact that it is Sunday, I must leave the house shortly and do some work.

- Sunday, August 3, 2003 @ 08:57 AM PST

Saturday, August 2, 2003

Tonight I shall be seeing Mr. Jason Graae in concert at the John Anson Ford Theater, with our very own dear readers Sandra and Laura, not necessarily in that order. First we will dine but I haven’t decided on a restaurant yet. Today I shall be picking up some brand spanking new DVD releases for next week – I warn you now it’s a rather incredible week for DVD releases. I will be getting The Thing (from Another World), The Omega Man, Soylent Green, Wait Until Dark and one or two others. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? Today I will also be writing, although somehow I did not fall behind this week, so that’s good.

Last night I watched a motion picture entitled The Secret Beyond the Door, un film de Fritz Lang. I love the films of Mr. Lang, and I love this film’s star, Joan Bennett (with whom Mr. Lang made my favorite, The Woman in the Window) – however, this film is really bad, truly bad. Still, Mr. Lang’s direction is always good, and Miss Bennett tries her best, but the script is a hopeless muddle, an inept Spellbound wannabe, right down to its Miklos Rozsa score.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I must read Mr. Heinrich J. Shnitzenfrauderbien’s second book, The Sexual Urge in Those Who Eat Rye Bread.

- Saturday, August 2, 2003 @ 07:52 AM PST

Friday, August 1, 2003

I don’t know if anyone noticed, but there were over two hundred count them two hundred posts yesterday – and I will tell you with a certainty that no other newsgroup or chat board had such a number of posts. I feel fairly confident that soon we will be the most popular site on all the Internet, and let me tell you that we are jiggy with that, dear readers, oh, yes, we are jiggy with that. What a way to send off our best month ever.

I don’t know if anyone noticed but it’s August. I feel that August is a very august month, and I hope it bring happiness and health to all our dear readers. And I hope that we continue along the path we have forged – on our way to becoming the most popular site on all the Internet. We cannot lag. We must have no lagging. If there is lagging then I will be gagging and also I will be nagging and my spirits will be both flagging and sagging and my tongue will be wagging if we are dragging. What the hell am I talking about?

Last night I watched the newest Studio Ghibli anime, The Cat Returns. It’s from Hayao Miyazaki, although he neither wrote or directed the film. I think he conceived it, however, and oversaw it. It uses a cat character (actually a statue) from the film Whispers of the Heart. It’s a fanciful story, slight, but beautifully told and the animation, as always, is breathtaking and achingly gorgeous. The musical score (not by Joe Hisaishi) is so lovely and if you can find the soundtrack CD (it’s always available on eBay fairly inexpensively) I recommend you get it posthaste. The DVD just came out in Japan, and you must have an all-region player to get it – although, that said, there are Region One bootlegs floating around, although they are one disc instead of two, and they don’t contain the newest Studio Ghibli short subjects (called Ghiblis) that are on the official Japanese release. I cannot rave about these Studio Ghibli films enough, so if you’ve been procrastinating, get a few of them and be awed, amazed and delighted.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I must hie myself to work, don’t you know?

- Friday, August 1, 2003 @ 07:10 AM PST