I’ve been catching up on some of the DVD extras on some of the DVDs I’ve been buying. For example, I watched the Singin’ in the Rain documentary. It was perfectly nice, but not very interesting. It’s the kind of puff piece documentary that I find very annoying, and it seems to be the specialty of Mr. Peter Fitzgerald who made it. Then I watched one of several documentaries on the A Hard Day’s Night DVD. That one was splendid, about forty minutes long, and had tons of interesting little tidbits. It’s the kind of DVD documentary that I like. So, I’m anxiously looking forward to watching the others on the supplementary disc. I also watched a bit of Monsters, Inc. which looks pretty great.

I also watched a Biography on Charles Bronson, an actor I’m very fond of. It was their usual type of thing, but I liked it anyway. I spent all of yesterday relaxing and not doing much of anything – although I did write half a page of the new book and did finish off one of the new Nudie songs I’d been working on. I’ve also begun doing the organizational work I need to do on the upcoming new film, so that I’m now ready to totally dive in to that.

Well, shall we all click on the Unseemly Button below, because soon it’s heigh ho, heigh ho, and off to work I shall go.

- Monday, September 30, 2002 @ 07:11 AM PST

Sunday, September 29, 2002

The first mystery was yesterday’s missing title on these here notes. When I got home and checked the posts, I was surprised to see the title “”, which looked like cat eyebrows to me. Now, the one thing I know is that I did not title these notes “Cat Eyebrows” or the abbreviation thereof (“”). So, just how did those cat eyebrows (“”) get there? I distinctly remember thinking of a title and I distinctly remember thinking about typing in the title that I was thinking of. Then I posted the notes. Either I have what they call “missing time” or I simply forgot to type in the title I was thinking of. Or, a gremlin got into this here site and did something to my title, made it disappear, or usurped it. Dear Reader Laura suggested I give a title anyway, otherwise it would be impossible to search for yesterday’s notes or something. Well, I don’t know about you, dear readers, but I always want to search for yesterday’s notes as well as yesterday’s mashed potatoes, so I went in before retiring to my boudoir, and I gave the notes a title. Therefore, yesterday’s notes are no longer titled Cat’s Eyebrows (“”).

The second mystery has to do with my “favorites” on AOL. I always go into my favorites and click on the link which takes me to the page that I post the notes from. It is easy to do because it is the last thing listed in my favorites. Until this morning, that is. I automatically went to the end of the list, clicked, and I was taken to amazon.com. Now, I like amazon.com as much as the next fellow, but I cannot post the notes from there. So, I went back and looked, and the entire last half of my favorites is now in a different order. How can that be? I did not put them in a different order, so just how did they get in a different order? If we have any dear reader mystery-solvers, please let me know how this happened. Perhaps the same gremlin that ran off with yesterday’s title came in and changed the order of my favorites just to mess with my mind. Well, I will not have my mind messed with, Mr. or Ms. Gremlin, so take a hike to some other site and mess with minds other than mine.

Well, my intention was to have short notes today, but already they are longer than short and younger than springtime – oh, a Rodgers and Hammerstein reference. So, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below and see if there are any mysteries afoot in the next section. Or, at the very least we can see if there are any mysteries ahand or aknee.

- Sunday, September 29, 2002 @ 10:23 AM PST

Saturday, September 28, 2002

In any case, I must hurry along because Mr. David Wechter and his automobile will be here any minute to pick up his bleary-eyed and vaguely discontented passenger.

Of course, knowing that I must hurry along I can think of absolutely nothing to write about. Isn’t that always the way. Just when one is in need of words the words don’t come. Well, damn them, damn them all to hell. Have I mentioned that it is very early in the morning? Have I mentioned it’s still dark out? Have I mentioned that I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night – oh, an Irving Berlin reference. Have I mentioned that I am losing my mind – oh, a Stephen Sondheim reference. Enough with the references already. Not a day goes by without some reference – oops, a Stephen Sondheim reference. You see what I mean?

Why don’t we all just click on the Unseemly Button below and see if there are more words waiting there.

- Saturday, September 28, 2002 @ 06:44 AM PST

Friday, September 27, 2002

Last night I watched no DVD because I wrote instead. I finished the new song I’d been working on for the end of the first Harry and John scene in Nudie Musical. I really like it – it’s quite perky. I’m now more than half-way through the first act, and proceeding steadily forward. No new songs now for awhile, either, so that makes things easier. I will be meeting with five potential directors when I’m in New York – a couple of who are really intriguing to me. They’ve all watched the film recently, and I’ll be very interested to hear their ideas.

I’ve been doing quite a few radio interviews for Benjamin Kritzer, which have been lots of fun. I’m doing another tomorrow, something that gets syndicated to quite a few places, so that’s nice.

Well, I feel it’s that time again, that wonderful time when we all get to click on the Unseemly Button below, so that we may go where no man has ever gone before. Beam us up, Scottie.

- Friday, September 27, 2002 @ 07:19 AM PST

Thursday, September 26, 2002

Whew, I thought for a moment I was trapped in a Noel Coward play. Last year I was trapped in a Noel Coward play when I saw the hideous production of Design for Living starring Mr. Alan Cumming and I couldn’t leave as I’d paid rather a lot of money for the ticket. That was a sticky wicket. You see, now I’m stuck in this English rhythm and there’s not a thing I can do about it except throw in a French word every now and then, like “parapluis”.

I got home quite late last evening, because I had to attend a meeting. I was rather exhausted upon my arrival at my home. I sat down and had a sticky bun – oh, a Stephen Sondheim reference, did you catch it? Actually, what I had was some Swiss cheese, an odd thing to have when one is feeling ever so English. I feel that I have gone off the deep end, does anyone here agree? I feel that we should all click on the Unseemly Button below to see if I can be something other than typically English – oh, a Newley/Bricusse reference, did you catch it? Click away, you punters.

- Thursday, September 26, 2002 @ 07:22 AM PST

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

Last night I watched bits of quite a few new DVDs, including several Special Editions. First I scanned the brand spanking new Singin’ In The Rain DVD. I was quite excited to get it, because the reviews on the Internet have been amazing. I should know better than to read them, or more importantly to give them any credence whatsoever. Just before running it, I saw a post on a DVD newsgroup which complained mightily about the disc. I figured it was one of those Usenet idiots and I was ready to go on after viewing it and put him in his place. Only I couldn’t because he was absolutely right. The DVD is a major disappointment. It won’t be to most people, but anyone who has ever seen an IB Technicolor print of the film will be bitterly disappointed. I owned a Tech print of it and I am here to tell you that I’m bitterly disappointed. And it’s a shame because the transfer itself is absolutely stunning and rock-solid. It’s the color. Oh, it’s colorful, it’s bright, but it ain’t Technicolor. The skin tones are off (very brown) and nothing is vibrant like it should be. The first DVD release, while not great compared to the transfers they’re doing now, has more vibrant color than this, and it’s far from perfect. Given what I now know about the telecine process and color correction, there is simply no excuse for this. Why they don’t do the obvious – which is put it in synch with a Technicolor print and try to match is beyond me. When Warners did their rather stunning laserdisc transfer of The Searchers in the early nineties, that’s exactly what they did. Unfortunately, Warners used that nine year old transfer for the DVD, when they should have gone back and redone it again, digitally. But, I digress. I haven’t looked at the plethora of extras yet, and the price is right, so I suppose this will have to do until the next time.

Then I watched a bit of the A Hard Day’s Night Special Edition DVD. Again, rather disappointing. It’s anamorphically enhanced, which I like, but the print isn’t especially sharp and I hate the 5.1 stereo remix – it’s horrendous and they should have at least included the original mono. Again, haven’t looked at the extras, which are plentiful. Next, I looked at a bit of Spellbound, which looks and sounds splendid. Then a bit of Séance on a Wet Afternoon, a moody film from Bryan Forbes, with a great John Barry score. The print shows a ton of wear, but I’m happy to have it, and it’s enhanced for widescreen tvs, too. Then a bit of The Rocking Horse Winner, a wonderful British film with great performances. The transfer looks swell.

Then on to Grease. I recall the laserdisc looking really great – this DVD doesn’t look quite as good as I thought it would, but it sounds great, and while I’m not a huge fan of the film, I do like some of the musical numbers. And finally, I settled down and watched the first half of Heavenly Creatures, directed by Peter Jackson. I’d heard it was an absolute masterpiece, but so far, while I’m enjoying it, it is far from a masterpiece. First off, I find it really annoying when a film scene takes place in 1952 and there are record albums by Mario Lanza from 1956. And EPs, too, which didn’t exist back then. That’s just shoddy research and really idiotic. But the girls are excellent, and it looks lovely. I know the best is yet to come, so I’ll hold off being judgmental until I’ve seen the rest.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? What is it, Tuesday all of a sudden? Or Wednesday all of a sudden? All of a sudden my heart sings (no mean feat). Oh, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below and perhaps by doing so I will no longer think it’s Tuesday.

- Wednesday, September 25, 2002 @ 07:25 AM PST

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

We had a lovely time at our signing/reading at Dutton’s in Brentwood last night. A small but fun turnout. I’m told that this is the norm for booksignings these days, save for the biggest of celebrities. Why it is the norm rather than the steve or the bill, I have no idea, but the norm it is. What happens is that many people tell you they will be there, and so you don’t worry about what size crowd will show up, and then eighty percent of the many who told you they would be there don’t show up, just like that. They just don’t show. They don’t call, they don’t write and they don’t show. If I knew they weren’t going to show, I would have made sure to keep getting the word out, but when I’m told that thirty or forty people will be there and I also know that the store couldn’t hold many more than that, then I stop getting the word out. Well, fie on those people. Phut to those people. That’s just not nice. And I do hope those people, many of whom I support on a regular basis (I will go anywhere anytime to support my fellow friends and artistes – I am known for this), will not be in further need of my support because they won’t be getting it. I know that this sounds harsh, but the moon is a harsh mistress. What am I, Jimmy Webb all of a sudden? The moon is a harsh mistress? Well, I don’t know about the moon, but I am a harsh mistress and that’s all there is to that. In any case, I read aloud from the book, and then we all retired to the patio where we partook of Cissy Wechter’s famous bundt cake (both chocolate and lemon), chips, cheese and crackers, wine and Diet Coke. To those who came, my hearty thanks – to those who didn’t, well, the moon is a harsh mistress, baby, and don’t call me, I’ll call you.

I watched a tape of Sunday night’s episode of The Sopranos. Can someone please inform me as to why Mr. James Gandolfini was not even nominated for an Emmy? Can someone just inform me of that? Was anyone from this show nominated? In any case, Sunday’s episode was as good as I’ve seen for this most excellent show. It included a very wicked and funny turn by Linda Lavin as a therapist that Meadow (Jamie Lyn Sigler) goes to. Miss Sigler does get on my nerves a bit with her typically teen voice-rhythms, but it suits the character, I suppose. And the lady who plays the sister of James Gandolfini is so good that I’d like to throw a brick at her – one simply hates that character (which means that the character is working). My only question is this: It appears to me that Miss Edie Falco has had some work done on her face – she doesn’t look quite the same as the first two seasons. Why do people do this? Perhaps I’ll have some work done on my face. Perhaps I’ll have big lips and be stretched to the left and right until I’m a grinning gizmo.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button right now. After all, the moon is a harsh mistress and doesn’t look kindly on those who do not click on the Unseemly Button below.

- Tuesday, September 24, 2002 @ 04:49 AM PST

Monday, September 23, 2002

If you were errant and truant this weekend, do use the Unseemly Archive Button to catch up – we had tons of fun. On Saturday, I posted the Ask BK Day answers, plus we had a lovely party for Dear Reader Laura’s birthday. Sunday there were many fun things going on as well, so do check it out. Also, Donald has put up a brand spanking new radio show, so give a listen as his shows are the best Broadway radio currently being offered on the Internet, at least in my opinion (IMO, in Internet lingo).

Last night while others were watching the Emmy Awards, I was watching the new DVD of a film I’d somehow missed, entitled Vampire’s Kiss, starring Mr. Nicholas Cage. It’s always lovely to discover a little gem like this – something entirely quirky and original and really well done, especially given its low budget. Nicholas Cage gives one of the most off-the-wall surreal performances ever committed to film – it’s actually breathtaking to watch him take the chances he takes, which includes his over-the-top wretched phony accent (which he did on purpose). It moves along quite quickly and has some fairly hilarious moments. The supporting cast is very good and it has a great score by a Brit named Colin Towns. I really recommend this. The transfer is great, there’s a few minutes added back into the film which haven’t been seen since the film previewed, and it has a commentary track that’s a good deal of fun, by director Robert Bierman and Nicholas Cage.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? I spent the weekend writing away – fixed a few things I wasn’t satisfied with in the Kritzer sequel, which is getting quite far along. I actually thought I’d finished Part One about three weeks ago – but then I changed my mind where I wanted Part One to end and wrote an additional thirty-two pages. So, I’m now beginning Part Two, which I finally have a clear bead on. I also wrote quite a few pages of the Nudie Musical adaptation – including a new song that ends the first Harry and John scene. Plus I have started working in earnest on the film – which I have to turn in by November (pre-production is supposed to start end of November/early December). I’ll be revealing just what the film is very soon – and I think you will be pleased with the lovely idea behind it, dear readers.

Well, why don’t we all just click on the lovely Unseemly Button below so we can find out more things. I feel we need to find out more things and yet I don’t want to write more things in this section so the only thing left to do is to click on the Unseemly Button below to see if there are more things awaiting.

- Monday, September 23, 2002 @ 07:27 AM PST

Sunday, September 22, 2002

My that was a long and paranoid paragraph, wasn’t it? Next I’ll be saying I was abducted by an alien. Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because we might just discover something in the next section. After all, are we sleuths or are we sleuths?

- Sunday, September 22, 2002 @ 09:38 AM PST

Saturday, September 21, 2002

Before we go one step further or even one step farther, let us all put on our pointy party hats, let us put on our colored tights and pantaloons, let us get out the cheese slices and ham chunks, let us dance the Hora and the Locomotion because damn them, damn them all to hell, we’ve got a birthday to celebrate and by gum we are going to celebrate it. That’s right, you heard it here, dear readers, we’ve got a birthday to celebrate so let’s not waste any time – Dear Reader Laura, stand up and take a birthday bow. Stand up and do the Prologue to West Side Story. Stand up and shake your booty because you are the birthday girl. We will be partying all the live-long day and night, so everyone must come back over and over again so the party is festive. Oh, yes, the party must be festive otherwise the natives will become restless and we can’t have that, now can we? On the count of three, let us give a proper Hainsie/Kimlet birthday cheer to Dear Reader Laura. One, two, three: A PROPER HAINSIE/KIMLET BIRTHDAY CHEER TO DEAR READER LAURA. We all hope you have a wonderful day and evening.

Last night I dreamed I was at Manderley. In this dream, I was sitting on my couch like so much fish, and Ron Abel, a musical director I’ve worked with a few times, was washing the bottom of my feet with a wash cloth, which I thought felt quite nice. His pal, Chuck Steffan (with whom he also writes), was looking on. Ron then suggested that I go soak a piece of slightly stale bread and stand on it. He said that would feel really good. I told him I unfortunately only had really stale bread, so that was the end of that, and the end of the dream. I don’t even have a clue so don’t ask me.

Well, while our birthday celebration continues, let us all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can answer your excellent questions from Ask BK Day.

- Saturday, September 21, 2002 @ 10:27 AM PST

Friday, September 20, 2002

Interestingly, unlike the night before, I got home, ate a salad, and got my energy back and actually managed to do a touch of writing (as well as cleaning up some stuff from the sequel that I’d been meaning to). That gives me some hope. And the weekend is coming up, which I’m truly looking forward to. I shall write, I shall relax, I shall watch DVDs, I shall go hither and thither and then thither and hither just for a change of pace. I shall answer all your excellent questions. I shall get the evil eye from the cleaning lady. I shall get my hair cut. I shall jog. I shall remain on this stupid, stupid, stupid (that is three stupids) diet, I shall clear my brain and I shall brain my clear. What the hell am I talking about?

I began watching the DVD of Koyaanasqatsi, that phantasmagoria of image and sound, which I’m very fond of. It’s a nice transfer, and Philip Glass’ score sounds great. I shall finish watching it tonight.

We need all the errant and truant to come back and post – I need things to read when I’m taking a break and resting my bleary weary eyes. Post about anything and everything. Tell me what kind of shoes you’re wearing. Tell me on a Friday. Tell me on a Sunday, but just tell me. Otherwise I shall be sad and morose and we can’t have that now, can we, dear readers?

Have I mentioned that I am bleary-eyed and vaguely discontented? Did you know that the word “discontented” contains the words “disco” and “tent” and the name “Ed”? Isn’t that fascinating? Isn’t that just too too?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before I start singing the title song to Koyaanisqatsi.

- Friday, September 20, 2002 @ 07:27 AM PST

Thursday, September 19, 2002

I started viewing tapes today. This is very different for me – much straighter than what I’m used to and they do have their way of doing things, which will take me a few days to get with. For the bit I’m working on, there are forty count them forty tapes to go through. But I really like the people I’m with, and it’s always a pleasure working with Mr. David Wechter. Plus, we eat lunch together and have a grand time doing so. We’re both on a Fit for Life diet – eating lots of bushes and shrubs and things. If I am to appear on camera (and I am) I must be svelte and trim with abs and buns of steel. Luckily and thankfully, they pushed our trip one week, so I don’t have to leave town this weekend, which will be heaven.

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below before fools rush in and spoil the broth. “Before fools rush in and spoil the broth?” What in tarnation is that supposed to mean. Next I’ll be saying fools rush in with a slotted spoon.

- Thursday, September 19, 2002 @ 07:07 AM PST

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

I arrived for my first day of work yesterday and was immediately told that the network wanted a five minute showy sound bite reel from the piece we’d shot over the weekend – and they wanted it by the end of the day. So, instead of my getting used to things again, learning new formats and getting the lay of the land, I found myself helping to put together a reel, which took nine hours to do. The good news is that it all came back to me very quickly and I do think I helped move things along at a snappy pace. The bad news is that it all came back to me very quickly. This is not going to be easy, dear readers, because in series’ television you are always up against some kind of deadline like that. But the people seem nice and I think everything will be fine and dandy and also dandy and fine. That said, suddenly I must go out of town again for two days. Not only that, I must be “talent” – they want me to appear onscreen in this thing (which I can’t really talk about in detail – I’m sworn to secrecy at this time). I agreed to do it this time, but I really do not want to work on the weekends again after this and I will be quite strong about it.

Today I shall get the lay of the land. One must always get the lay of the land otherwise one shall be layless, land-wise, and that is wholly unacceptable. I brought up psychics yesterday, because a very sweet person recently told me that I had a very good aura, which made me very happy. Certainly I didn’t want a bad aura. She said many nice things, and many positive things, but she also said to be careful of jealous, envious people who have at one time been around me. And then what happened on that newsgroup happened, which I found very interesting indeed. I was very pleased that dear reader Michael Shayne posted the information in the first place, but I knew the minute I saw his post that what happened would happen. I knew it with a certainty, and it happened within fifteen minutes. I’m also glad it happened, because maybe this will teach a lesson about bad behavior and bad form to that gentleman. Bad form is something one needs to learn – like the lay of the land. In any case, the genteman with too much unknown and unpublished information has conveniently disappeared into thin air. Of course, who didn’t expect that to happen?

Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below, so we can see what the lay of the land is.

- Wednesday, September 18, 2002 @ 06:45 AM PST

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

In yesterday’s notes and posts, I spoke of the Internet – and the fact that our very own Michael Shayne had posted about his excitement regarding the stage version of Nudie Musical and the potential new label thing. And how, a mere fifteen minutes later, someone came on lambasting me. I responded to that, and that person came back and hanged himself. How did he do that? Well, he posted information he could not possibly have had without “insider” help. In other words, information which has never been made public in any way. Now, the information that he posted happened, for the most part, not to be entirely true, but that isn’t really the point. The point is, where did he get the information. Yes, how did this supposedly innocent poster get this rather detailed information? I suppose we’ll all have our theories – I most certainly have mine. The point is, his posts were designed to damage my reputation. What did or does it matter to this oaf whether or not I start another label? Why would he care? Of what concern is it of his if someone feels like taking a flyer on starting a label with me? Think about it. It simply doesn’t add up. I have responded to the oaf again, and there is nothing in my response he can refute because what he did was so obvious and transparent. Thanks to all who came in and defended me – you know how much I appreciate it. As to the oaf and the people who either supplied him with information or asked him to post it – well, karma, baby. I just sit and wait and smile contentedly for karma to rear its potent head. And, believe me, it will. I have received so many wonderful e-mails from so many wonderful people over the years, that I know that the albums I’ve produced – the winners and the losers (financially) – have brought joy to people, and that is all that matters to me. I feel only pity for people who feel the need to be negative and who only want to cause harm to people who don’t deserve it. Karma, baby – your day is coming.

My goodness, that was quite a rant. I feel ever so much better now. Let’s not waste our posting space about this junk here – but do feel free to go to the newsgroup (rec.arts.theatre.musicals) and let the oaf know what you think of him.

Well, why don’t we click on the Unseemly Button below because I must leave soon for my official first day of work.

- Tuesday, September 17, 2002 @ 07:19 AM PST

Monday, September 16, 2002

Did you know that occasionally people will find haineshisway.com through a search engine – they’re searching something and they’ll find us because we’ve mentioned it or it’s perhaps mentioned in the posts for the day. And sometimes they’ll post to whatever entry they find – not knowing that there will be no one to see it unless it’s the current or a very recent entry. I, however, see all posts because I am copied on every post via e-mail. So, this morning I saw that someone had posted something to one of the May notes, specifically Ambrosia Salad. And I thought I’d share the post with you because it amused me on certain levels and I’m most certain it will do the same for you, dear readers. This post was signed Renee, and of course contained no e-mail address. Here is Renee’s post in full: “You guys are a bunch of fags.” Now, we could give Renee the benefit of the doubt and assume he/she made a typo and meant to write “You guys are a bunch of figs.” Yes, we could do that, but we shan’t, although there are times when I’m sure we all feel like a bunch of figs. No, no, not figs – raisins. In any case, whatever we are a bunch of pales in comparison to this type of cowardly hit and run post. I believe that Renee should remove his/her head, which is currently residing in his/her rectal cavity because he/she will feel ever so much better afterwards. I do not like cowardly twits, I do not like hit and run posters and I do not like Renee. I also told you that on Friday, dear reader Craig had posted something about my Nudie Musical announcement on a musical theater board, and someone came in and did something similar there, only regarding me and the announcement. Now, he/she hasn’t been heard from or seen since on that board. Well, what can we learn from this? That perhaps it was someone who feels some ill will? That perhaps it was someone who was feeling a bit of envy? That perhaps it was someone trying to stir up some trouble, but too cowardly to put an e-mail address with their post? And, of course, I would most likely have some thoughts as to who might do such a thing, as I’m sure you might. So, to the Renees of the world, and the people who let their ill will overtake their lives – today is Yom Kippur – atone for your sins, my children, because if you don’t you will surely go to Hell and I’ve been told that Hell is especially hard on intolerant he/shes like Renee and very intolerant of people who let their ill will take over their lives. Turn over a new leaf this very day or you shall be on the road to ruin. I believe in miracles and I believe you can do it, my children. The person who, this very weekend, told me I had an incredibly strong and lovely aura also told me there was a very envious and jealous person or concern trying to interfere with my life. To whoever that might be I say repent, see the error of your ways or you will be on a spiral downward heading to Hell, where you will be forced to play Free Cell all day and night and never win.

What am I, Kathryn Kuhlman all of a sudden? That entire paragraph had a lot of fire and brimstone in it. Well, woe to the he/she who calls Hainsies/Kimlets a bunch of fags, a bunch of figs or a bunch of anything else. And woe to the people who try to mess with me because they are letting their ill will take over their lives.

My goodness, I’m exhausted from all the fire and brimstone, aren’t you? Perhaps we should all just click on the Unseemly Button below because I believe in miracles and I believe if we all click on the Unseemly Button below we will be transported to a new plane.

- Monday, September 16, 2002 @ 10:05 AM PST

Sunday, September 15, 2002

I must tell you that the food in this here hotel we are staying in is amongst the worst I have ever eaten. The sports bar was bad enough, but last night we ate in their fancy shmancy restaurant and had something called Risotto with sweet corn and mushrooms. It was disgusting, but we were all so hungry we sat there and ate it. We ate it and then we paid for it and let me tell you what it cost for three of us to eat that hideous glob – with tip: $180. That was for three risottos, three Caesar salads and three sides of sautéed vegetables (they didn’t really have sautéed vegetables – they just did some corn and mushrooms on a plate and called it sautéed vegetables), one glass of wine, a Diet Coke and an Iced Tea. Thank goodness it wasn’t my dime or I would have rasied a stink. I would have raised a stink by throwing up in the middle of their restaurant.

Well, that was a pleasant paragraph, wasn’t it? I do believe we should all just click on the Unseemly Button below before I continue along those lines.

- Sunday, September 15, 2002 @ 08:21 AM PST

Saturday, September 14, 2002

I forgot to write about seeing Dave Frishberg on Thursday night. It was a duo act – Dave and a fellow named Bob Dorough. Bob was fine, but Dave was really excellent – funny, laid back and charming. I’d never seen him perform live before and I don’t really know his material all that well. I met him after the show but couldn’t get to dear reader Pam’s questions. However, I can tell you that Mr. Frishberg will be appearing in the New York version of the Tourette Syndrome benefit.

I had an exhausting day yesterday – just endless. I did meet some interesting folks, which was fun. And today shall be just as exhausting. I will need all of you dear readers to keep things going here as I won’t be able to return to haineshisway.com until the early evening hours. So, remember, don’t dawdle, whatever you do.

Well, shall we all click on the Unseemly Button below, lest we be accused of dawdling?

- Saturday, September 14, 2002 @ 07:03 AM PST

Friday, September 13, 2002

The other reason these here notes must be short is because I am leaving shortly, for a short trip to Santa Clara – sort of a last minute thing for the TV show I start working on on Monday. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too?

But I shall have my handy-dandy laptop computer with me and will check up on the activity from time to time, plus write the weekend notes.

But for now, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so I can wrap these brief notes up.

- Friday, September 13, 2002 @ 07:10 AM PST

Thursday, September 12, 2002

Today’s announcement is especially exciting for me, because I’ve been thinking about it for some time. So, are you ready, dear readers? I have made a deal to bring The First Nudie Musical to the stage. I’m half-way through the adaptation, and have been writing lots of new songs for it. All the negotiations for these various and sundried announcements have been going on for some time, but it is grand fun to finally be able to share them with you dear readers. There is a production/tryout tentatively booked for next May, but since it isn’t quite firm yet, I don’t want to say more until it’s absolutely certain which theater it will be (there are three that have said they’d like to do it). One of the reasons for my upcoming New York trip is to meet with potential directors for the show. For the last few months my days have been absolutely amazing – living in three different worlds – doing a few hours on the book, then a few hours on Nudie, then on the film – such fun and it really keeps my brain on its toes. It also keeps my toes on its brain, but that’s another story. I thought, at first, it would be hard to go from one to the other, but it has proved the opposite – it’s sheer joy, and I never get tired of it. When writing the first book sometimes weeks would go by where I just wouldn’t feel like writing, but that has not happened here. I have had to devise a system for when I start working on the TV show next week – I’ve come up with something that I think will work just fine, so that I don’t have to stop the forward momentum.

I will be giving frequent updates on all the projects – plus I have one more announcement for tomorrow. Something that would not happen right away, but the possibility of which is very exciting indeed. Stay tuned.
My goodness, I’m exhausted from all these announcements. Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button, because don’t I have some excellent questions to answer?

- Thursday, September 12, 2002 @ 09:18 AM PST

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

I was going to make the third of my announcements, but I do think I’ll wait until tomorrow – and, based on my lunch meeting of yesterday, there will be a fourth announcement on Friday – a small one, a light shining in the distance, but one which, I think, should it come to fruition, would please everyone here very much indeed.

Is anyone else looking at the word “fruition” and thinking, “Why does this word exist?” Someone was feeling very creative when they took the word “fruit” stuck an “ion” on the end of it and made it a whole new word and then decided it wouldn’t even be pronounced the same. Although I like the idea of pronouncing the word “fruit” as “frooit”, don’t you? What the hell am I talking about?

Last night I watched a classic motion picture comedy on DVD – Kind Hearts and Coronets. It was voted the sixth greatest British motion picture ever made. I’d seen it before, but not in years. I must say, while I find it entertaining, and Mr. Alec Guiness is wonderful in his eight count them eight roles, I don’t think it’s the sixth greatest British film ever made, and it probably wouldn’t even make my top twenty greatest British films ever made. Again, that is not to say it isn’t funny, dark, or entertaining, and I might feel differently about it had I seen it at the time of its original release. I then watched part of The Ladykillers, also with Mr. Alec Guiness, and I must say that that film had me laughing out loud almost from the get-go. I’ll report on that one and the rest of the Ealing Comedies in the Alec Guiness Box, on Friday.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Oh, let’s click on the Unseemly Button below and see what’s happening in the next section.

- Wednesday, September 11, 2002 @ 09:48 AM PST

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

Last night I watched a DVD entitled The Dead Zone. But not The Dead Zone that I know and love. This was a brand spanking new The Dead Zone made for the USA Network. What I watched was an eighty-seven minute pilot for what became a short-run series (I think it was short-run, but for all I know it could still be on), starring Anthony Michael Hall. I have no idea what the actual series episodes are like, but the pilot covers much of the material from the book, especially the book as adapted by Jeffrey Boam for the David Cronenberg film. Now, let me just say here and now and also now and here that I think the Cronenberg film (with Christopher Walken) is wonderful – one of the top three Stephen King adaptations. This thing I saw last night tries to ape several scenes from it, right down to aping specific shots. I find that quite annoying. The leading lady is very reminiscent of Brooke Adams in the film (their mouths are almost indentical). But it’s all been made silly and the attempts to be hip and Matrix-like are stupid. How these things get made and approved are beyond me (well, it’s not beyond me – it also apes several network shows in both style and content), but that’s how the TV world works – they keep buying series from only people who’ve done other series (and I don’t mean the odd original idea either – I mean the same old, same old) and the whole thing just propagates itself with mediocrity after mediocrity. The bits of the story that are still emotionally powerful are the ones lifted directly from book and Cronenberg/Boam, but they all feel like some amateur theatrical group doing a classic play. They say the words, and do the scenes, but it’s just not very good.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button because I’ve got an announcement to make and trivia answers to reveal. Click away, my pretties.

- Tuesday, September 10, 2002 @ 09:04 AM PST

Monday, September 9, 2002

My, these notes are so informational today. These here notes are dry, sere, arid, and we need some sparkle, some fizz, some wetness. We simply cannot have dry notes because they are dullsville, man. We need the perky notes, we need these notes to sing and dance like Fred Astaire. We need these notes to be vivacious and bubbly, like a sizzling hamburger on the grill. We need these here notes to have brio. Yes, that is the word I was searching for all along – brio. These notes mush always have brio, I must write them con brio, as they say in music. Has anyone noticed that I typed “mush” instead of “must”? I hate when that happens – I sound drunk all of a sudden. My goodness these notes have brio all of a sudden. I have never seen such sudden brio as the brio that has suddenly surfaced in these here notes. There is so much sudden brio that I must eat some brie, because there is nothing better than to eat brie with brio. Brie with brio is exciting cheese, let me tell you that. What the hell am I talking about?

I’m exhausted already from all the fershluganah brio. How much brio can you have before you are briod out? Well, perhaps if we all click on the Unseemly Button below we can recharge our brio batteries and have yet more brio.

- Monday, September 9, 2002 @ 08:47 AM PST

Sunday, September 8, 2002

My, that was an endless paragraph. I heard it rained on Friday in Los Angeles. I’m sorry to have missed it because I do love September in the Rain by Frank Sinatra. Well, why don’t we all just click on that Unseemly Button below before I write another endless paragraph, in which case I would have to title these notes How Long Was My Paragraph.

- Sunday, September 8, 2002 @ 09:32 AM PST

Saturday, September 7, 2002

In the signing room were such folks as June Lockhart, Jamie Farr, Jayne Meadows, Lee Meriweather, Joe Bologna and Renee Taylor, Edd (Kookie) Byrnes, Paul Peterson, Jon Provost, Michael Callan (the original Riff from West Side Story), Jill Whelan, the kids from The Munsters, The Dick Van Dyke Show, and many others I can’t remember. I also had a lovely visit with my old pal Rita McKenzie, whose show Ethel Merman’s Broadway I recorded several years ago. Debbie Reynolds was supposed to come by for two hours, but her manager, my pal Scott Stander, wisely stopped her from doing so. They told us all that today they were expecting at least 5,000 people, so if we even get ten percent of that I’m sure we’d all be happy as clams.

In the meantime, we must get out our pointy party hats, we must put on our colored tights and pantaloons, we must get out the cheese slices and ham chunks and we must dance the Hora all the live-long day, because we have a birthday here at haineshisway.com. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, we have a birthday boy in our midst. And that birthday boy is none other than Mr. William E. Lurie. So, let’s all wish William a very very very (that is three verys) Happy Birthday on the count of three: One, two, three: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON THE COUNT OF THREE WILLIAM E. LURIE!

But wait, don’t take off that party gear yet, because it is also the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hoshanah. We must, of course, but those ham chunks in the fridge, but we can still dance the Hora all the live-long day. We wish all of our Jewish dear readers the happiest of New Years.

Now, let’s put that Comedy thing to shame and have tons of visitors and posters at our various and sundried parties today. Let us be wild and carry on like prancing fools. Let us be gay and carefree, not necessarily in that order. Let us skip about like mad satyrs on a bed of petunias. And as long as we’re at it, let’s click on the Unseemly Button below with party-like fervor.

- Saturday, September 7, 2002 @ 07:58 AM PST

Friday, September 6, 2002

My pal Cissy Wechter, who is helping me with the show, drove me down here and it was a very fast drive, hardly any traffic at all. Of course, I had printed out a map from Mapquest, just to make sure we knew where we were going. Have you ever used directions from Mapquest? The directions are so confusing on so many levels that it will be my last time doing so. We ended up off the freeway and took Foothill Blvd. all the way to the I15, that’s how confusing it was. There’s a part of the directions having to do with the 210 and I30 that is just impossible to follow and if you do exactly what they tell you to do, you will end up off the freeway. Damn them, damn them all to hell.

Before supping last night, Cissy Wechter sat down at one of those poker machines, Double Double Poker. She lost the first eight hands in a row, and as I was suggesting she move to another machine, she got four aces and won two hundred dollars. We had prime rib for dinner, which was quite heavy, and I felt like a walking blimp afterwards, and still feel like that this morning. Disgusting, really.

Of course, I shall have a full report for you tomorrow regarding the thing today. In the meantime, these here notes are supposed to be short today, so let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below, because I’ve got announcements to make, don’t I?

- Friday, September 6, 2002 @ 07:36 AM PST

Thursday, September 5, 2002

Aren’t there questions to answer, DVDs to talk about and events of the day to discuss? Why am I going on about sentences? I hereby sentence the first and seventh sentence to two years in Sing Sing. Do you think when they named that prison they accidentally wrote a second “sing” and then it just stuck? What a stupid name for a prison. Sing Sing. At least they could have called it Sing Sing Sing and then it would almost be a Benny Goodman song.

Last night I watched a brand spanking new DVD of a motion picture entitled Don’t Look Now, starring Mr. Donald Sutherland and Miss Julie Christie, and also starring Venice. I haven’t seen this motion picture since it came out in 1973. It’s really excellent – very strange, very dreamlike, beautifully directed by Nicholas Roeg. And the ending is still a shocker all these years later. This film was the precursor to things like The Vanishing, but it’s ever so much better. People on the Internet complain all the time about Paramount DVDs because they rarely have any extras, save for a trailer. Well, I don’t complain because they do such great transfers. After all, the main thing here is the film and how it looks. If there are extras beyond that, great, but it’s not of paramount importance to either me or Paramount. This transfer of Don’t Look Now is splendid and therefore it’s a DVD I’m happy to own. The love scene between Mr. Sutherland and Miss Christie was rumored at the time to have a bit too much verisimilitude for Miss Christie’s then boyfriend, Mr. Warren Beatty. If you use your handy-dandy one-frame-at-a-time button, I think you can judge for yourself or at least get an idea.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t I have questions to answer, don’t I have sentences to leave out? For example, I’m leaving out the next sentence.

Did you miss the last sentence? No. In fact, if I hadn’t pointed out that I wasn’t having it you would never have been the wiser. You might have been sadder, but then again I always say the sadder-but-wiser-Hainsie/Kimlet-for-me. What am I, the music man all of a sudden? Well, perhaps we should all click on the Unseemly Button below. I’ll bet there are a few of you who wish I’d left that sentence out in the rain.

- Thursday, September 5, 2002 @ 08:53 AM PST

Wednesday, September 4, 2002

Last night I watched two count them two DVDs. First I watched the very entertaining motion picture entitled No Way To Treat a Lady, starring Mr. George Segal, Mr. Rod Steiger and Miss Lee Remick. I really loved this movie when I saw it way back when, and I still get a kick out of it all these years later. It’s based on a paperback book by Harry Longbaugh. Later, when Mr. Longbaugh became famous, he decided it would be okay to tell people he wrote it, so the film does say based on a novel by William Goldman. Harry Longbaugh, of course, would figure in Mr. Goldman’s biggest success, because Harry Longbaugh was the real name of the Sundance Kid. Anyway, the movie is a real tour de force for Mr. Steiger, and Mr. Segal and Miss Remick are beyond charming. Eileen Heckart, as the Jewish mother of them all, is a bit grating, but still funny. There are some things that don’t work, and one cheat that I hated back then and that I hate now, which was totally unnecessary. The film is well directed by Jack Smight, and the transfer looks great. Plus you get to see that Joe Allen, where a very long scene takes place, looked exactly the same back in 1968. And the wonderful Barbara Baxley (from She Loves Me) has a terrific scene. Some of it hasn’t stood the test of time, but it’s still fun and I’d recommend it.

The other DVD I watched was a motion picture entitled The Gypsy Moths, a film of John Frankenheimer, and one of the few from his best period that I’d missed. In fact, I would say it’s the last film from his most interesting period. Everything after this film didn’t ever really seem like a Frankenheimer film to me. It’s an interesting movie – just really a small character piece with some good stunt-parachute action scenes. Those scenes are incredibly scary to me – but the stunts are amazing and so it the aerial photography. The cast couldn’t be better – Burt Lancaster, Deborah Kerr (who very surprisingly has a brief nude scene), Gene Hackman, Scott Wilson (from In Cold Blood), Sheree North, William Windom and, in her first movie role (I think), Bonnie Bedelia. The film also has a gorgeous score from Mr. Elmer Bernstein, who was at the height of his creative powers back in 1969. The pace is very slow, but I enjoyed it. The DVD features the final audio commentary track that Mr. Frankenheimer did prior to his passing away recently. I listened to a bit of it and he clearly loves this film.

What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Well, I promised you announcements, so I’ll give you the least interesting of them today. But first, let us all click on the Unseemly Button below, because we must keep these notes lively at all costs. The cost of keeping these notes lively, by the way (BTW, in Internet lingo), is $2.43 American.

- Wednesday, September 4, 2002 @ 09:35 AM PST

Tuesday, September 3, 2002

For those who have been errant and truant, we do hope you are now back with us. Summer is over, holidays are over and we must get this here site back on track. The good news is that we somehow just managed to squeak by and best our best month of July. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, somehow, even with all the errant and truant and people running around, being a bit wild, even with all of that, we still managed to narrowly have August be our best month ever. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that just too too? Soon we will be the most popular site on all the Internet, but not without hard work and lots and lots of posts and visits. So, tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell the man in the street and the woman in the car, tell everyone, whether near or far, whether fat or thin, whether short or tall, whether rich or poor – this is the place to be.

By the way (BTW, in Internet lingo), if you missed any of this weekend’s notes, you simply must read them, otherwise you will be out of the loop and we can’t have that, now can we? If you are out of the loop people will look at you funny, they will point at you and giggle surreptitiously. Look at the length of that word – “surreptitiously”. Someone was feeling their oats the day they made that word up. I think today we should all feel our various and sundried oats, because I feel we’ve been neglectful of our oats in the past week. On the count of three, let us all feel our oats: One, two three. Now, isn’t that better, feeling oat-wise? What the hell am I talking about?

Well, we had several High Winners in our Unseemly Trivia Contest, so let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below to find out the answer and who the winners were. If you don’t know that information, you will be out of the loop, you know, and that just isn’t acceptable here at haineshisway.com.

- Tuesday, September 3, 2002 @ 08:50 AM PST

Monday, September 2, 2002

Last night I watched the final performance of Contact on Live at Lincoln Center. I hadn’t seen it before – somehow I never got around to it in New York, and when it came to the Ahmanson I was supposed to go to opening night and something came up and I couldn’t. I found it interesting, but I know I would have enjoyed it much more actually seeing it on stage. I read various comments on another site from several theater know-it-alls, about how wonderfully they thought it was shot for TV. I also read how annoyed people were with the bleeping out of the ‘F’ word. I also read how people hated it, how people loved it, blah, blah, blah. I am no fan of Mr. John Weidman. I like Susan Stroman, but don’t find her a visionary director/choreographer along the lines of Mr. Jerome Robbins, Mr. Michael Bennett or Mr. Bob Fosse. But I thought there were interesting things in the piece and I thought it looked very good (sets, lighting and costume-wise). The first sequence, Swinging, seems to be the most hated, at least from the comments I read, but I didn’t mind it. Miss Stroman’s strong suit seems to be props and she uses the swing in very clever fun ways and it moved right along as the curtain-opener it’s designed to be. The second piece, Did You Move?, was longer. I found it labored (appropriate since it’s Labor Day) in its caricatured portrayal of “the lout”, but I liked the choreography fine and I thought Charlotte d’Amboise, who I always enjoy, did a terrific job. I wish I’d seen my pal Karen Ziemba do it. The taping of this number was horrid – anyone who thought it was done well knows nothing about dance or camera. The director was often in the wrong place at important moments, focusing on business or dancers who were not central to the point of the piece. The most obvious example was the very end of the biggest dance section. It builds and builds and builds and the director cuts to people who are sliding on the floor or something, instead of staying wide so we can see the final tableau and the final triumphant pose of Miss d’Amboise, which would be the point of the whole damn build.

Then we had an intermission and on the broadcast, Miss Stroman explained the point of Contact for those of the viewers who may have missed that it was a show about contact. Then we had the final and longest piece, The Girl in the Yellow Dress or whatever it was called. Again, Mr. Weidman just hits us over the head constantly – the whole first apartment scene just goes on and on and on, saying the same thing. Some judicious pruning from that scene would have done wonders. But all the stuff in the bar was done very well and Alan Campbell did a fine job, as did the girl in the yellow dress. The choreography was swell, and once you got to the bar it moved right along. The payoff at the end worked well, too. Again, the director was frequently focusing on dancers who were not central to the action, and wide shots are better – however, if you’re going to have continuous closer shots, at least make sure we see the two people who are the point of the piece. Or at least one of the two.

What am I, Ben Brantley all of a sudden? It is fascinating that this show was the hit it was. It is fascinating that it won Best Musical.

These are short notes? Quick, let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can get on with it.

- Monday, September 2, 2002 @ 10:17 AM PST

Sunday, September 1, 2002

What am I, Paul Lynde all of a sudden? Has anyone noticed that it’s September? I, for one, am happy about that, because frankly, or even michaelly, August was a most peculiar month. Even though many good things happened in August, there were also many frustrating things that happened. I felt like an August yo-yo, going up, down, up, down, spinning and twirling and still on a string. Well, the string is gone and Nero is back in town. What the hell am I talking about?

Now, even though we’re in the midst of a holiday weekend and we know that weekend traffic is traditionally slower, we must really make an effort today, so that we start September off with a bang. We have a big month planned for haineshisway.com, including brand spanking new interviews, exciting new announcements, thrilling new radio shows, new fancy-shmancy things to look at. In other words, we will not be resting on our laurels nor on our canyons. It’s funny about the interviews – I sent out interviews to ten people and yet only three have appeared thus far. That is because the other seven have been lazy loafers and have not gotten back to me yet. Well, they’d better, or they will be bitch-slapped from here to eternity. Actually one of the errant and truant seven did get their interview back to me, but it is a novella, and we are trying to edit it and get it down to size. Hopefully, that interview will be up and running next week. I will ask, however – are you dear readers enjoying the interviews?

Well, I feel it is time for all of us to click on the Unseemly Button below. I feel we have not done that yet today and now is as good a time as any. So, let us not tarry, let us not dally any further.

- Sunday, September 1, 2002 @ 09:57 AM PST