1) Panni, you were the one who said granny has not had made any effort of a relationship with your daughter for ten years. Isn't that about half your daughter's life? It seems to be if she still expects a birthday call from you to cheer her up, then there's a whole guilt/power game being played there I don't want to even get into. It has nothing to do with being noble, good, proper, or karma. Why feel obligated to "cheer" up a woman whose only real connection to you at this point is through your daughter whom she's apparently ignored for half the girl's life? I don't get either the expectations or obligations of that from either side.
Pogue - And then we can put the topic to rest... You've made a more dramatic story of this than is the case. Understandable as that's what you (and I) fo for a living, but the fact is that I said in my initial post - and now wish I had not brought up the whole thing - that grandma had not visited with my daughter in over ten years, NOT that she'd made no effort at some kind of relationship. That part of the story comes from you. I can understand how you might infer that, but I certainly never said it. Grandma calls Rachel on holidays, special occasions, sends her presents for birthdays, Christmas, sometimes calls her just to chat, etc.. -- but she has made no effort to physically see her. That's what my initial vent was about. I even went back to check it just now - and that's what I said.
Furthermore, Grandma doesn't "expect" a call from me, nor do I feel obligated to call - that's something I simply choose to do. (As a matter of fact, I've just discovered that she's in Florida and I have no number for her there, so no call this year.) And none of this is because I'm "noble" -- "noble" is an adjective I would not ever think to place in front of my name. Nor is it because I'm being guilt tripped. That's not a game in which I would chose to take part. Anyway, the woman is not Jewish - even if she did try to guilt trip - which she doesn't - she'd be a hopeless amateur.
I hope all is clear now and the subject is exhausted. I certainly am.
Good luck with the writing - hope it turns out beautifully.