...Nurse Nightingale."
"Why, my dear Florida Nightingale!" Sherwood exclaimed as he wheeled himself into his office. "I was just having palpitations thinking about you!"
"Nothing premature, I trust," Nurse Nightingale rose from the visitor's chair, wearing a miniskirt that would have been unseemly on any other eighty-year-old but entrancing on her.
"Oh, no, I've slowed down since my residency." Sherwood wheeled himself behind his desk, to hide any incriminating stains.
"I see you had the meatloaf - that splotch of soy-sauce on your pants is a dead giveaway," Florida remarked. Dang, she was still quick! "But, enough of these double entendres, Doctor. You already know your other guest, Pansy Ferrell."
Doctor Sherwood looked glanced to the corner of the room. There, indeed, stood Pansy Ferrell, the surviving transexual sister of Tansy Ferrell, (formerly her brother, Buck). What could Pansy be doing here, he wondered? "Ah, yes, Miss Ferrell, I'd have spotted those football-shoulderpad shoulders anywhere. Good to see you again!"
"Good to see you, as well, Doctor, although I wish the circumstances were better," Pansy replied in a voice that would always remind Sherwood of Sam Elliot selling Dodge Trucks or beef or something of that ilk.
"I have something to show you, something you might find to be of great interest." And, without further adeau, Nurse Florida Nightingale reached into her volumnous purse and withdrew...
...a large fuchsia colored dildo. But knowing Nurse Florida Nightingale as well as he did, Dr. Sherwood exhibited little in the way of surprise.
"Wipe that ennui off your face, Dr. Strangelove. This is not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill plaything. Watch this..."
Nurse Florida Nightingale stood the dildo on its base on a nearby table. As soon as she did, the rubbery member began to pulsate with life. It started to bob from side to side. And then it shimmied. And soon it was dancing its way about the table top to an unheard rhumba.
"Yessssss, doctor," Nurse Florida Nightingale purred, her eyes gleeming with delight. "It's a dancing dildo!"
Sherwood was suddenly erect (and not in the way you are probably immediately thinking, dear reader!) His brain was now abuzz with the young lawyer he had just operated on this morning.
He quickly spun his chair about and sped down the hallway to the young lawyer's room. He burst through the door and to his surprise he found...
An accupuncturist, hovering over the still unconcious young lawyer, his left hand armed with a fistfull of needles. "Stop! What are you doing?" Sherwood cried. "And, while we're at it, who are you?"
"I am this young lawyer's accupunturist, isn't that obvious? My name is Jimmy Shoe, and I am here to help him communicate while he recovers from the surgery I personally didn't approve. With my assistance, he will be able to send us messages telepathically."
Nurse Florida Nightingale and Pansy Farrell ran into the room, Nurse Nightingale first because she was wearing sensible flats and would have had more practice running in heels anyways. "Is that a dancing dildo in your hands?" Jimmy Shoe's eyes widened noticeably.
"Why, yes!" Nurse Florida Nightingale breathed excitedly.
"Quickly, give it to me!" the accupuncturist requested.
"Well, I usually wait until the second date, or at least the second cocktail, but if you insist..." The nurse handed the dildo to the accupuncturist, who set it upright on the still unconcious young lawyer's side table. Almost immediately, the dildo began to dance to an exciting new rhythm.
"I recognize that rhythm!" exclaimed Pansy. "That's Morse Code! Give me a moment, I think I can translate. Yes! Yes! I know what it's saying!"
"What?" Dr. Sherwood, Nurse Florida Nightingale and Jimmy Shoe asked in unison.
"You ding-dongs!" Pansy translated. "If Tansy Farrell just had a heart transplant from her twin sister who was killed in a mysterious hand mixer accident, then how is it possible for the transplanted heart to have been removed without an incision? The doctor transplanting the heart would have had to make an incision to put in the new heart!"
"This unconcious young lawyer is right!" Sherwood proclaimed.
The dildo kept dancing. "Now what is he saying?
"Enough... with... the... needles... all ready... can't... a... guy... get... some... rest... around... here?" Pansy finished translating just as the dildo's batteries gave out.
"Doctor, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Nurse Florida Nightingale asked Doctor Sherwood.
"Well, if you're thinking that someone has been playing around with the intercom system, and sending false messages, and that Tansy Ferrell is indeed not yet dead, then yes, we are thinking roughly along the same lines," Sherwood replied. "Which means that we must find whoever it is that is playing with the intercom system, and find Tansy Ferrell, before it is too late!"
"Too late for what, Doctor?" Pansy asked. "And, if I might also ask, why exactly were you scheduled to operate on my sister? She's already had the transplant, why would she need another operation?"
"Well...." Doctor Sherwood realized that he was going to have to spill the beans.
"Yes, Doctor!" chimed in Nurse Florida Nightingale. "We're waiting!"
"I'm afraid you'll have to keep waiting," said Dr. Sherwood. "As you know, I have surgery in twelve minutes and I must go."
Dr. Sherwood wheeled himself out of the room, chuckling to himself as he did so.
"Now what?" asked Pansy. "This is a fine kettle of fish."
But just then, Adcock Fleming walked into the office. Adcock was a commanding 6'5" and had a full head of bushy hair. The room went silent. That always happened when Adcock Fleming walked into a room. He looked at everyone and said, "
Walk this way, the oracle will see you now."
Pansy, taking great angry strides, stepped to the rear of the busy-haired gentleman.
"This oracle," she queried, "is this another one of your beer-battered tries to keep us off the scent of mystery surrounding this hospital?"
Adcock abruptly turned around, leaned down into Pansy's startled face and said, "No. This ancient oracle, on these grounds for what seems to be forever, will enlighten, entrance, and entertain you with the unseen, unheard facets of your pithy lives outside of these blood-drenched walls. Follow forward and remain silent."
They had reached the sterling silver elevator doors when a strange keening was heard from within, "Oracle, Oracl-ie, Oracl-A, Oracl-U, Oracle."
The keening continued as the elevators doors slid open, revealing the oracle, clad in
