Der B - Depends on your point of view. It's yet another draft of the parody from Lethally Blonde: The Paula Dean Fable
(yet another draft parody of "So Much Better", since it's such a slow news day anyway)
The healthy food they’d cooked
Hoping you’d get hooked
On their boring cuisine
But now here’s a party gal
Who’s a foodie’s pal
And it’s me, Paula Dean
Food nuts have turned their kitchens inside out looking for their next hit show
But now this zaftig gal stood pat and made some dough!
Whoa!
Since viewers like a fatter hide
Take ‘em for a triglycer-ride
‘Cause now when I bake
I use nothing that’s fake
And my ratings just grow
I’ve got a trademark made of gold
Fellas won’t mind much more to hold
I use so much butter
On my show
Honey they’d been obsessed
You’d been watercressed
‘Til you found ‘em all bland
Now they see a pound or two
Plus a poofy do
Can come off kinda grand
Hon, when Ellie Krieger baked a cake on her show last Tuesday night
They just laughed when she used only Fleischman’s Light
Get this right
Gonna use butter by the stick
No phony fat for this here chick
Be real to be hot
So ready or not
Time to grow with the flow
When I buy butter by the tub
These days people love a funny zhlub
And now there is so much butter
Your heart will flutter
It’s OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-Oh-brutter!
I’ve got so much butter on my show!
(She’s got so much butter on her show!
She’s got so much butter on her show!)
Blue cheese salad, hold the greens
I’ll show them what eatin’ means
Please don’t hold the mayo, hon
And no, not the low-fat one
Burger on a donut’s great
All the fixin’s, s’il vous plate
Diet always starts with die
So I’ll go on lovin’ my
Butter by the stick
That is my cool iconic shtick
Come on, top that chard
With a helping of lard
Heap it on like a pro
Oh-oh
And now my show’s a big fat hit
Those undernourished shmoes just spit
We’ve got so much butter -
No skimming the top off chicken stock
We put lots of Crisco in our wok
No E.V.O.O.
Though our tushies will grow
Crisco gives you a glow
Go! Go!
I slather cream on black and whites
I look cherubic in my tights
And yes, I’ve got so much butter
Your valves will shutter
The A.M.A.’s gonna spit and sputter
I’ve got so much butter
I’ve got so much butter
I’ve got so much butter
On my show!