....which means no late night posting for me for a week and a half. :(
Could you bring your computer over to the house your watching and use dial-up connection? Or borrow a laptop? Or buy a laptop? ;)
*Actually, some of those new cheapo laptops are quite nice, and come with the proper basic software programs preloaded on them.
I'm up, I'm up.Well, it sounds just like an Ethan Mordden book with no fact check.
Ginny: I'm almost finished with the Gower Champion book. While it's fun to read these sorts of books, this one is riddled with so many silly errors that it just becomes an annoyance after a while. And the errors are SO silly that even a perfunctory check of facts would fix most of them. But, people are so lazy now. Plus, each chapter reads exactly the same - there's no drama, no pace, and that's why it's taken eight weeks to get through it.
Does anyone want to know how completely dumb I am? I was trying to turn the sound down on my computer and instead I turned my computer on standby and lost my internet connection. :)
I do not expect to be posting over the next several days as when I have a great deal of shopping, wrapping, cleaning, cooking, entertaining, visiting etc to do so if I do not "see" y'all Merry Christmas, and Happy Hannukah!!
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"Male Wrappers"
This the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words but, if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.
One is Mark, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."
The other is Edio, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Edio said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."
I also wrap gifts but, because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court but, when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.)
If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.
On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.
My point is that gift wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why, today, I am presenting:
GIFT WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN:
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.
* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:
YOUR WIFE: "Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?"
YOU: "It's a gift! See? It has a bow!"
YOUR "WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower."
YOU: "Gas-powered! Five horsepower!"
YOUR WIFE: "I want a divorce."
YOU: "I also got you some myrrh."
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
~ ~ author unknown ~ ~
DRJOSE - great review. My guess would be ALL the tempations at the party tonight won't be ON the table!
Great total for the donations! It will be a Merry Mary Marry Xmas for everyone....
Except Jack Noseworthy.
One of my cousins and his wife are across the street at my aunt's...and my mom and I are about to walk over there and wish them happy holiday greetings. They are going to New York City on Christmas Day for fun and merriment.
Where on earth could you mean?
Under the table? In the coat check room? In the light booth? In Box A?
;D
VARETY had a very good DAMN YANKEES review, too, DR Jose. If you haven't seen it, I'd be glad to cut and paste to you.
DRJOSE linked it earlier. ;D
The spaghetti sauce sounds delicious, DR RLP. I love spaghetti, but alas it is forbidden as I lose these last 15 pounds.
Good for you!
I still have a "goal weight" I want to get to, but over the past couple of weeks, I switched over to the mindset of just eating healthier and being more active for the long haul. -Which has made all the difference in my motivations. But, I still do get on the scale, but I only do that on Mondays now. The daily weigh-ins were truly frustrating me. -Why can't I lose two pounds each day?!?!? However...
As I was getting ready for bed last night, I looked at myself in the mirror, and for the first time in a long time, I truly thought - and felt - I looked thinner. Healthier. -And after the dietetic splurging I did at the party last night, that was just the thing to lessen the "guilts". -And some of the moves in the exercise routine I've been following have been getting "easier" too. Two sets of push-ups today! 16 in each set! Never in my life have I been able to do that! :)
So...
Once you get those last 15 pounds off your frame, what will your splurge meal be? -I have to say, I already have mine picked out... but it will only take place after I get two pounds below my next goal weight. -Yes, pasta and dessert will be involved. And enjoyed con gusto! ;)
Is Carnegie at four-wall house? That is the producer rents the hall and presents an artist? I mean, you don't have to be invited to play in Carnegie Hall, right? Or am I mistaken? I don't know for sure.
If I had the money, could I present an evening of myself at Carnegie Hall?
Thanks DR FJL.....watch out for my one-man show!!
If you can make the cost back in ticket sales - just find 40 people willing to pay $1,000 a ticket and the rest is profit.
I'll be logging off now to install the wireless keyboard and mouse I got for Christmas. I'll be back later to try it all out (if successful with the installation.)
Going to watch a couple of the Connery Bonds on SPIKE TV - haven't seen these in many years....IMHO "From Russia With Love" is still the best of the Bond movies - and the best of the books!
YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE and FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE
....the strangulation death of a heartthrob movie star and the shooting death of a Laotian laundry worker. Very enjoyable.
Werll I had better get back tomy chores ...10:49 PM what a perfect time to start cleaning the bathroom....
where's Matt H when you need him?!
.
Fine just sit there watching DVD's when I desperately need cleaning assistance!
>:(
I expect you're going to use that old excuse "well I'mm 800 miles away!" ;D
I need a cleaning schedule like you have Matt! I always seem to be running from pillar to post!
Well, you have a point there, but I have plenty to clean here. Tomorrow is the dreaded kitchen mopping, and I'm determined to do it tomorrow morning after I read the newspaper to get it out of the way so I can enjoy the rest of Christmas Eve day and evening.
Matt I cannot remember the story line of Five Pennies and I know I know the film... can you remind me?
Auugh I don;t even want to think about mopping the kitchen florr.... may be I can just spread bread crumbs all over and claim we are pretending to have an Australian Christmas celebration on the beach!
Well, it probably wouldn't work for you. You have A LIFE!
I can schedule my cleaning regularly because there is no one here to dirty things up but me!
It's the film biography of jazz trumpeter Red Nichols. This band was called "The Five Pennies," and they were very popular during the 1920s. He had such folks working for him as Glenn Miller, Gene Krupa, the Dorsey Brothers, etc. They all went on to great, great fame heading their own bands as "Red" got out of the business.
Back in my working days when I didn't have time to clean, I'd put down rugs in the kitchen to hide how dirty the floor was!
Hmmm you have a point there.... ;)
first I throw everyone out..... :)
then I throw out their stuff....... :D
Naaah doesn't have that "Christmassy" feel to it.... maybe for Groundhog's Day!
Sounds like a loving gesture for Valentine's Day to me!
Hmmm I wonder if they sell rugs in the grocery store? ;D
If you can find a Wal-Mart Super Center (that we've been talking about today), they'd have them. They sell everything!
:)