I just made up some dialogue for a backstage musical:
Producer's Girlfriend: Could you change the key of my song?
Songwriter (muttering at piano): Honey, if I could I'd change the locks.
[/quote
Paul Muni was once in a play with a young lady who was the producer's girlfriend. Every day her part got bigger and every day she proved she couldn't act.
One day, in a bit of camaraderie, she said, "Mr Muni, do you have any acting advice for a young talent like I?"
And he said: "Yes, dear. Remember that you can't screw the audience."