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Author Topic: COMEDY TODAY  (Read 72211 times)

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bk

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #90 on: September 29, 2008, 09:37:31 AM »

A man came up to me and said he hadn't had a bite in weeks; so I bit him!

THAT'S comedy!
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bk

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #91 on: September 29, 2008, 09:38:36 AM »

JMK - wasn't being snippy.  I just thought this DVD was going to be a revelation and it wasn't quite that, mostly because of the softness, which may not be an issue on the Blu-Ray.  It is 1000% better than the previous DVD.
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singdaw

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #92 on: September 29, 2008, 09:39:49 AM »

I'm totally in agreement with Pulliam.

It's a red letter day!   :)
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Jrand74

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #93 on: September 29, 2008, 09:42:50 AM »

The world's smartest man, a Boy Scout, and a priest are on an airplane.  The pilot comes rushing into the cabin and says: "We have developed engine trouble.  There are only three parachutes, they will need my expert opinion to tell them what went wrong, so I am taking one of them."  The pilot grabs and parachute and jumps out.

The world's smartest man says:  "I can give so much more to the world than either of you, so I am taking a parachute."  He grabs one and jumps out.

The priest says: "You are a young man with your life ahead of you, I have made my peace with God.  Take the last parachute, my son."

The Boy Scout says:  "Don't worry, Father.  There's a parachute for both of us.  The World's Smartest Man just jumped out with my backpack."
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....it has an undertaste.....

Jrand74

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #94 on: September 29, 2008, 09:43:52 AM »

Is Nick part of the Nick and Starr team on TAR?  
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....it has an undertaste.....

Jrand74

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #95 on: September 29, 2008, 09:46:51 AM »

And I can do one-liners too.

Two drunk men are walking on the railroad tracks, one says to his friend: "This is longest damn staircase I ever climbed!"
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....it has an undertaste.....

Ron Pulliam

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #96 on: September 29, 2008, 09:51:39 AM »

It's a red letter day!   :)


I noticed that, Hester.  Have you been bad again?
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singdaw

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #97 on: September 29, 2008, 09:53:52 AM »

the Nick and Starr team

Nick Cage and Starr Jones?
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singdaw

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #98 on: September 29, 2008, 09:54:26 AM »

Have you been bad again?

Depends who's asking.     8)
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #99 on: September 29, 2008, 09:59:06 AM »

Jim and Bob were walking along the railroad track when they found a severed foot inside a shoe.

Jim looked at it closely and then looked at Bob and said, "That looks like Joe's shoe."  

Bob said, "It is Joe's shoe."

They continued walking and happened upon a pants leg with a severed leg inside.  Bob looked at it and said to Jim, "That looks like Joe's leg."

Jim agreed: "That is Joe's leg."

A quarter of a mile up the track, they found a severed arm.   Jim looked at Bob and said, "That looks like Joe's arm."  

Bob nodded and said, "Yup! That is Joe's arm."

A short way down the track, they suddenly stopped when they found a head.  Bob reached down and picked up the head.  He looked at Jim in amazement.

Then he looked at the head and said, "Joe?  Joe?  Are you hurt?"
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Measure your life by moments that take your breath away, not by the breaths you take in a moment.

Jrand74

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #100 on: September 29, 2008, 09:59:38 AM »

Nick Cage and Starr Jones?

Au contraire, mon ami.  8)
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #101 on: September 29, 2008, 09:59:45 AM »

Depends who's asking.     8)

The Grand Inquisitor!
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Measure your life by moments that take your breath away, not by the breaths you take in a moment.

Jeanne

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #102 on: September 29, 2008, 10:00:39 AM »

Hello, everyone.
Busy day here. I've got errands to do, then will try to read your jokes over lunch.
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FJL

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #103 on: September 29, 2008, 10:01:01 AM »

Nurse:  Doctor, the invisible man is here for a check-up.

Doctor:  Tell him I can't see him.
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Dan (the Man)

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #104 on: September 29, 2008, 10:15:07 AM »

On her way home from work, a chicken decides to stop by at a bar for a drink.  As she's nursing her gin tonic, a egg sits down next to her.  He drops a few lines on her and after a while they're hitting it off and having a few laughs.  Eventually, the egg asks the chicken to come up to his place and she leaves with her arm on his.

When they get to his bachelor pad, he mixes up a pitcher of martinis and they settle on the sofa for some intimate chat.  Eventually, their passions get the better of them and the chicken and the egg begin to make out.

"Why don't we continue this in the bedroom?" suggests the egg.  The chicken, flushed with excitement, readily agrees.

A few minutes later, the egg is lying on his side fast asleep with the chicken sullenly sitting up in the bed next to him.
 
"Well,” said the chicken testily puffing a cigarette, "I guess that settles that."
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JoseSPiano

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #105 on: September 29, 2008, 10:23:51 AM »

Good Afternoon!

So...

You're in a room with Hitler, Attila the Hun and Andrew Lloyd Webber.  You have a gun, but there are only two bullets in it?  What should you do?


















-Shoot Sir Andrew twice.
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Make Your Own Luck.

JoseSPiano

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #106 on: September 29, 2008, 10:31:36 AM »

And on that note - usually a D-flat - I believe I shall head out into the City for the afternoon.  I need to run a few errands, as well as scout out a few things.

Laters...
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S. Woody White

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #107 on: September 29, 2008, 10:37:32 AM »

Re tonight's NBC line-up:

I'm planning on watching Chuck, and I'm really looking forward to Heroes, but I've no real interest in Life.

That could have been phrased better, couldn't it.
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There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, and the sea's asleep, and the rivers dream; people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, somewhere else the tea's getting cold. Come on, Ace. We've got work to do.

Ron Pulliam

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #108 on: September 29, 2008, 10:44:21 AM »

Re tonight's NBC line-up:

I'm planning on watching Chuck, and I'm really looking forward to Heroes, but I've no real interest in Life.

That could have been phrased better, couldn't it.


Reconsider!  Life is to die for!
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Measure your life by moments that take your breath away, not by the breaths you take in a moment.

bk

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #109 on: September 29, 2008, 11:07:30 AM »

Back from the long jog and must now shower and be on my way to the brunch meeting.  I shall have my beloved poached eggs on an English or Swedish muffin.
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S. Woody White

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #110 on: September 29, 2008, 11:26:35 AM »

Browsing around the net, I noticed over at Waiter Rant that the Waiter, having transformed his blog into a best-selling novel, has now had said novel optioned as the basis for a television series.  Presumably sit-com.  The Waiter asked for comments, specifically who could play him in the series.

As usual, almost every suggestion is for big-name stars, of either film or television.  Even the British names suggested are fairly well known.  (Hell, I admit to suggesting Simon Pegg, just to see if anyone out there knew who he is.)

I've also suggested that names from Broadway or Off-Broadway be looked into, as they wouldn't be demanding as high a salary as an established I've-Done-Movies star.  But something tells me no one over there will have even the slightest idea what I'm talking about.  

*sigh*
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There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, and the sea's asleep, and the rivers dream; people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, somewhere else the tea's getting cold. Come on, Ace. We've got work to do.

S. Woody White

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #111 on: September 29, 2008, 11:29:09 AM »

Time for the doctor for der B.  Hasta.
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There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, and the sea's asleep, and the rivers dream; people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, somewhere else the tea's getting cold. Come on, Ace. We've got work to do.

Jennifer

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #112 on: September 29, 2008, 11:29:13 AM »

re: last night's TAR

*
*
*


I did! Some fun teams!!

Yep it was fun. Those bee keepers looked very odd!

But i was so happy to have the show back on. So who do you like? Or is it too soon to tell?
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #113 on: September 29, 2008, 11:30:43 AM »

Here's some bi-partisan fun:

Time for Campaigning
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Measure your life by moments that take your breath away, not by the breaths you take in a moment.

Jennifer

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #114 on: September 29, 2008, 11:31:20 AM »

Is Nick part of the Nick and Starr team on TAR?  

Yes. He's the off-broadway actor a lot of people around these parts seem to know. And his sis is the cheerleader (or that is what i think they said).
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Jennifer

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #115 on: September 29, 2008, 11:32:45 AM »

Reconsider!  Life is to die for!

I agree that i really enjoyed this show.

But i wonder if they will make it accessible for people who did not watch season 1. Or exactly how that will work.

I am very excited to see season 2. I really loved season 1.
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Jeanne

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #116 on: September 29, 2008, 11:34:01 AM »

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light.

There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

 ;D
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TCB

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #117 on: September 29, 2008, 11:36:23 AM »

The Dow Jones, after a mini-rally, is now down again over 500 pts, and falling.
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Jeanne

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #118 on: September 29, 2008, 11:42:49 AM »

Nurse:  Doctor, the invisible man is here for a check-up.

Doctor:  Tell him I can't see him.

 ;D
I can't believe I've never heard this one before. Maybe it's my memory. In any case, I LIKE it!
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Jeanne

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Re:COMEDY TODAY
« Reply #119 on: September 29, 2008, 11:43:18 AM »

eat, post, eat, post.
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