On "hurtful words":
Imagine lying on your back on sunny beach and having someone massage your back with Shedds Country Spread - kinky, but fun. Actually, all the hydrogenated vegetable oil would be quite soothing.
Now imagine the same scenario, but you had just been dragged from the stake after taking forty lashes. Forget about the soothing oil, think of the salt! Imagine the pain!
Now note - in the first instance the person with slippery fingers is a mensch; in the second instance a heel.
In order to determine what is hurtful, we need to examine both the weapon and the target.
And in order to consider consequences, we need to evaluate both intention and awareness.
Sometimes when we come to the board we are in pain - a relative ill, a dear pet deceased, a job lost, a love forsaken. These wounds are usually open and evident. Other times we are in pain because the abuse we have taken from family, friends, and/or co-workers - these wounds are often hidden or disguised. One disadvantage of internet communication is that we can not assess another's pain through visual inspection. Nor, can we always determine how another will react to our words. Many can take offense when none is intended.
When you announce a personal decision with which you have grappled for months only to find much of your support group turn openly hostile - the wounds, though hidden, are deep and slow to heal. (See Jane's post of the other day!)
Another problem with the internet - it's hard to have make-up sex when neither party is posting. So, Cilla and David, please come home - your family needs you.
der Brucer
