Back from the editing room - did what the editor suggested and I think it works very well and he really likes it, too and is glad I brought it up. We showed both versions to someone where the edit room is and he liked the new one for the right reasons and then at lunch I explained to someone else what we'd done and just hearing it he liked the sound of the new version - it was very simple - just removing one shot that revealed an actress - that shot now first occurs as the second verse is two-thirds through and it's much better there for the reveal - it keeps the first bit very clean and the reveal is a surprise that now makes sense.
