I tried to watch "Joey" last night but found, again, that the best way to watch "Joey" is in "Friends" reruns!
I also found "Will and Grace" to be a 2003-04 rerun with the preggers Debra Messing (rather than the post-partum chubbette we are getting this season).
So I put on my tape of "Smallville" that I hadn't managed to watch. And at the start of that tape was an old "Will and Grace" with Mira Sorvino as Leo's former live-in girlfriend Diane. Grace and Leo are having Julie and Will, Karen and Jack over for dinner. Grace is fixing kabobs. IT WAS A GREAT SHOW. I'm glad I have it on tape 'cause I just roared, over and over again.
Grace is taken with Diane and feels not the slightest bit of jealousy. The rest of the cast enters.
DIANE: Will?
WILL: Diane?
GRACE: How do you guys know each other?
WILL: Um...
DIANE: We once, um--
WILL: We, uh...
JACK: [TO DIANE] Hey, I know who you are! This is the only girl Will has ever had sex with.
GRACE: [CLUTCHING HER CHEST] Oh... My... God!
DIANE: That... and that you were kind, sweet, sensitive, wanted to cuddle a lot.
WILL: Don't straight guys like to cuddle?
DIANE: Not in an attempt to delay intercourse. But, you know, the dead giveaway was that you cried the whole time we were doing it.
KAREN: [CHUCKLES] [TO DIANE] I like you. Wanna make out?
DIANE: I like you too. Let's see how the evening goes.
KAREN: Okay.
WILL: I made these kabobs for Grace once. She totally fell in love with the recipe.
GRACE: Liar! How could I fall in love with your kabobs? I've never had them. Diane had your kabobs. But apparently, I wasn't good enough for your kabobs.
LEO: Wait. Why do you care that Diane's had Will's kabobs, but you don't care that she's had mine and I've had hers?
JACK: Silly. Diane is a girl. She doesn't have kabobs. She has a kagina.
KAREN: And nice katits.
DIANE: By the way, I know it seems like I need to drink in order to have sex. I don't, it just makes it better.
[KAREN POURS DIANE ANOTHER GLASS OF WINE.]
GRACE: Nobody finds you interesting.
DIANE: Except your husband and your best friend?
[GRACE AND DIANE STAND UP, READY TO GO AT IT.]
KAREN: So, Diane, you work for Vogue, huh? Who was a better lay, Huck Finn or Captain Homo?
JACK: Come on! Who was better? Who was better?
WILL: No. We are not discussing this. It's not a competition. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
DIANE: Will was better.
WILL: Yes!
LEO: What do you mean "Will was better"? He couldn't find a G-spot with Yahoo! Maps.
JACK AND KAREN: [TOGETHER, IMITATING THE YAHOO YODEL] Yahoooooooooo-hoo!
WILL: Leo, don't let it bug you. I'm sure there's plenty of things you're better at. They just don't involve sex with a woman.
LEO: You know, I don't have to defend myself here. Grace can tell you how good I am. Two words: Disneyland. Jail.
GRACE: Well, you know, I'd love to help you out, sweetie. But I really don't have any basis for comparison. You see, I've had you, but I've never had, uh, this guy. Because apparently, I wasn't good enough. [GRACE SLAMS HER FORK AND KNIFE ON HER PLATE.]
WILL: Are you ever gonna let this go?
GRACE: No. I don't understand. When I found out that you slept with someone right after you couldn't do it with me, I always thought that--that--that the woman would be totally different than me. You know, ugly. And then this walked in.
DIANE: Hi.
GRACE: She is beautiful. She's funny. She's smart. She's like my twin.
KAREN: Yeah. Right honey. Just like Randy Quaid is Dennis Quaid's twin.