Okay, I've been eating it for two days, and am happy to present:
MY WIFE OF FIRST COUSIN ONCE REMOVED'S SLOPPY JOE RECIPE
The info in parentheses is whatever I used or did this time.
1 1/2 lbs ground beef (85% lean)
2/3 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped onion (white)
* 1 cup ketchup (Heinz)
* 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
* 1 tbsp mustard (regular yellow)
* 1 tbsp vinegar (apple cider vinegar)
* 3 tbsp brown sugar (dark)
Salt and pepper (unspecified, so I seasoned the meat with fresh ground pepper and sea salt while browning)
Brown the meat. (She doesn't say to drain it, but I do.)
Combine the (*) ingredients in saucepan, bring to a boil and remove from heat.
Once meat is browned, add the celery and onion and mixture. Simmer 30 minutes.
I love Martin's potato rolls for burgers and such, but I'll eat Sloppy Joes on anything.
(I found other recipes calling for green bell pepper instead of celery, and for sautéing the onion and bell pepper in a little olive oil first. I'd choose not to do that, as this recipe provided a nice freshness and bit of crunch. I also thought the simmering improved it.)