Oy, I just had one of those calls from someone who wanted me to tell her how to get a grant to pay her bills.
My mother says, "Don't you spell that L-O-A-N?"
I say, "I spell it J-O-B."
But I can't say that to people who call the library, so I refer them to books by the guy on TV who wears the jacket with the question marks all over it.