In the FWIW department:
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday, and Father Flynn almost
fainted when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church
in recent memory.
After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, "Murphy,
I'm so glad to see you at Mass. What made you decide to come?"
Murphy said, "I've got to be honest with you Father. A while back,
I misplaced me hat and I really, really loved that hat. I know that
McGlynn has a hat just like me own hat. And I know that McGlynn
comes to church every Sunday and takes his hat off during Mass
and leaves it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave
after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't steal McGlynn's
hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on The Ten Commandments,
I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about
'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' you decided you would rather do without your
hat than burn in Hell, right ?"
Murphy shook his head and said, "No, Father, after you talked about
'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' I remembered where I left me hat.