DR Ron Pulliam, I am always amazed at your stories of holiday drama.
As am I, DR Laura. Sigh!

Happily, this small town seems oblivious to our drama despite being a center of gossip about so-and-so and her/his medical conditions or her/his son's/daughter's/grandchild's misdeeds. Only yesterday, the second of my cousin Becky's best friends (Ashton) from school (Becky is a senior) delivered a baby out of wedlock (as we say, politely, down here in the South). Something far more common today is the fact that both her friends' babies are "mixed", racially. I get mixed signals on the "how" these things happen when it's clear nobody is happy that they did. Apparently, the girls are expected to be on birth control and the boys are not expected to provide any form of protection. If the girls are, however, on antibiotics, the birth control apparently does not work.
Is that a new wives' tale, do you suppose? "Oh, I was on antibiotics. I wouldn't have gotten pregnant, otherwise."
I can suggest one other way to avoid pregnancy of any kind.