Speaking of LEGALLY BLONDE, I'm retooling "So Much Butter" (the parody of "So Much Better") to deal with the Paula Deen-Barbara Walters fracas.
Here's the Barbara Walters-related rewrite version of the parody lyric:
[imagines Paula about to go on The View knowing Barbara Walters is a little health-oriented, and Paula thinking she's ready to deal with that]
She's on a healthy kick
But it makes me sick -
Barbara Walters’ cuisine
No, there’s not an extra pat
Of congealing fat
In Miss Walters’ cuisine
Babes on The View like burning excess pounds while they’re earning lots of dough
But Paula’s churning out a brand new way to go
Whoa! (acting like she's addressing Barbara Walters)
Viewers don’t mind a fatter hide
Take ‘em for a triglycer-ride
‘Cause Babs, when I cook
I don’t care how I look
And my ratings just grow
Fellas don’t mind much more to hold
I’ll use my trademark made of gold:
I’ll use so much butter
On your show
Barbara you'd been obsessed
You’d been watercressed
And I find it all bland
Now folks see a pound or two
Plus a poofy do
Can come off kinda grand
Babs, remember when you baked a cake and you made me take a bite
I spat up ‘cause you used only Fleischman’s Light
Get this right
Gotta use butter by the stick
No phony fat for this here chick
Be real to be hot
So ready or not
Time to grow with the flow
So I’ll bring butter by the tub
These days people love a funny zhlub
And now there is so much butter
Your heart will flutter
It’s OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-Oh-brudder!
I’ll use so much butter on your show!
(She’ll use so much butter on the show!
She’ll use so much butter on the show!)
Blue cheese salad, hold the greens
I’ll show you what eatin’ means
Please don’t hold the mayo, hon
And no, not the low-fat one
Burger on a donut’s great
All the fixin’s, s’il vous plate
Diet always starts with die
So I’ll go on lovin’ my
Butter by the stick
That is my cool iconic shtick
Come on, top that chard
With a helping of lard
Heap it on like a pro
Oh-oh
And when my book’s a big fat hit
Miss Barbara Wah-wah you will spit
I use so much butter -
No skimming the top off chicken stock
Put lots of Crisco in my wok
No E.V.O.O.
Though my tushie will grow
Crisco gives me a glow
Go! Go!
I’ll slather cream on black and whites
I’ll look cherubic in my tights
And yes, I’ll use so much butter
Your valves will shutter
Miss Walters, you're gonna spit and sputter
I’ll use so much butter
I’ll use so much butter
I’ll use so much butter
On your show!
