DR John G, you asked for it!
PIE
Lyrics by Anne Caldwell
Music by Jerome Kern
There’s no chance for disputation, as a freedom loving nation
Not a country can compare with our beloved U.S.A.
For the national convention in this land of prohibition
Is as free and as untrammeled as Siberia, they say.
They’ve put the ban on cigarettes, deprived us of our race track bets,
The day of steins and pails of suds is gone.
They give us laws we long to break, but we refuse to let them take
The thing our constitution built upon.
And that is Pie Pie Pie!
We could never do without it if we try;
It put New England on the map
And what the deuce would Charlie Chap-
lin do without his face encrusted in a custard badly busted
Pie Pie Pie!
We can do without our Bourbon and our rye
Though it musses up his collar,
Every freeborn Yank will holler
For his Pie Pie Pie!
So when foreigners linguistic say that we are not artistic,
Just invite them to the Automat and introduce the gang!
Then let somebody sic 'em on a slab of gooey lemon,
Hiding coyly camouflaged beneath dental proof meringue!
When they’ve their molars sunk in a delicious squishious punkin
And with ecstasy their vests begin to swell.
Until at last they grapple with the good old-fashioned apple,
Just surprise them with a good old college yell!
Lemon, Apple, Pumpkin, Squash
Peach and Custard, oh my gosh!
Prune and Apricot and Quince
Cherry, Coconut and Mince
Plum and Raisin Currant, too,
Every pie that you can chew!
Blackberry, Strawberry, Cranberry, Gooseberry
Mulberry, Huckleberry, Blueberry, Elderberry
Whortleberry, Raspberry, Raspberry, Raspberry
Rah! Rah! Rah!
Pie Pie Pie!
We could never do without it, should we try
And Calvin Coolidge has to own
Himself a native of the zone,
Where all the morning coffee drinkers alternate with prunes and sinkers
Pie Pie Pie!
At the White House they must keep a a big supply;
In the great big open spaces,
Real he-men fill up their faces
Full of Pie Pie Pie!
