Okay, for those who asked: What if Stephen Sondheim, instead of writing Pacific Overtures, had written Peter Pan. And it goes something like this (to the tune of The Advantages to Floating in the Middle of the Sea):
In the middle of the night we fly
As we go to Neverland
Sprinkle fairy-dust and say goodbye
As we go to Neverland
Hook is waiting somewhere
Contemplating somewhere
Lost boys on the run
Battles to be won
And it’s lots of fun
Somewhere out there – not here
Here you tell tales
Yes! Mother always tells us tales
She tell us tales each night
The tales of Peter Pan
Yes, Peter Pan each night
We’ll catch him if we can
And Captain Hook
He’s really vile
But do not fret
Just use your guile
And Hook will look for the crocodile
So, off to Neverland
Get ready now to fly
And Hook is waiting somewhere
Not here
(Hook enters)
You can say that Captain Hook’s a crank
In his boat upon the sea
Peter Pan will have to walk the plank
In that boat upon the sea
Peter will be done for
He’ll try, but still be done for
Hook will win the day
What more can I say
Now into the fray
Somewhere out there – not here
Here he makes plans
Yes! Peter Pan is making plans
He plans his little plans
Then executes his plans
I see his little plans
And plan my little plans
It’s all a game of wits
I’m not a man who quits
I’ll squash the plan of Peter Pan
When you fool with a Hook you can just close the book
All:
The plan
We plan the plans and then
The day begins again
And Hook is waiting somewhere
Not here
So, let’s fly to Neverland right now
Ready, Wendy, Michael, John
So just watch me and I’ll show you how
Ready, Wendy, Michael, John
We will soar and we will fly
Kiss our boring life goodbye
Follow Tinkerbell
Let’s be on our way there
Once you agree
You’ll see
There we’ll tell tales
Plan the plans
Meet Tiger Lily
And the boys
And Captain Hook
Plan the plans
And meet the Indians who dance
We fly
Tell the tales
And capture Peter
Walk the plank
Watch out for Hook
Plan the plans
And meet the Indians who dance
To fly
The crocodile and Hook
The planning of the plans
The building of the house
The telling of the tales
We fly
The distant melody
The planning of the plans
The fighting Captain Hook
We fly
The Wendy, Michael, John
The planning of the plans
The crocodile and Hook,
The telling of…
We fly
We fly.
