Miss Ritter's finest hour, the scene pictured in the photo.
Well, you won't believe it - I can barely believe it myself and yet I must believe it because it is true.  I called the DSL people back, just to get the latest tech info into the record.  I got a really nice guy, and he ran a test on my line (others have done so at every step) and here is what he told me:  You're too far from the base station to get DSL."  Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I am too far from the base station to get DSL.  Now, wouldn't you think that at some point someone would have figured this out?  I canceled service and everyone was very apologetic about it.  
I now have to decide on an alternate plan of attack.  Direct TV has a company that does high-speed internet, does anyone here use them?  I think it's called Directway or something.  They use a satellite dish and apparently (according to them) it works great.  However, for the first fifteen months of service the cost is $99 a month, which is just nonsense.  Fifty of it is paying off the 500 charge for the dish.  So, I don't think I wish to do that.  I certainly won't do Adelphia cable because I hate them with a passion.  So, what are my alternatives, dear readers?  Do any other companies in my area offer DSL or cable or some other form of high-speed?  I look forward to your thoughts.