The flight attendant, as I mentioned earlier, was a real hoot. She was just what I - and everyone else who had been waiting for three and a half hours - needed once we got on the plane. Here's a sampling of some of her
bon mots.
Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome aboard. Now, if you all listen to me now, this will be quick and painless...
Please return your seats to the upright and most uncomfortable position...
In the very, very, very, very, very, very highly unlikely event that we should have a water landing between here and Memphis, your seat cushion is a flotation device...
Now for those of you sitting in the Exit Rows... (she waves).... Hello?!?!... Can you guys say HI so we know where you are?... Thank you.
I shall now demonstrate the way the seat belt works.... -Hey, it's not rocket science...
Now, if you do plan to smoke in the lavatory, please be aware that you could be fined up to $2500, and you will also have to stay behind and help me clean the cabin after everyone deplanes.
Thank you for listening to my announcements. I shall be dimming the cabin lights once we leave the ground in order to make the flight attendant, moi, more attractive to you.
Welcome to Memphis. The current time is...-Uh.. well, maybe you don't want to know how late the flight really was...
We all applauded her at the conclusion of the flight.
