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Author Topic: JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED  (Read 25458 times)

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bk

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #210 on: April 03, 2006, 03:16:10 PM »

This is certainly the funniest jernt on all the Internet today.

Just had a conversation with our webhosting service - I've just upped our plan to a much bigger bandwith and a lot more gigs, whatever the HELL they are.  We should have no real problems from now on, save for the occasional unforseen hiccup.  It's more expensive, but if it precludes all the weirdnesses from happening, then it will be worth it.
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DakotaCelt

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #211 on: April 03, 2006, 03:16:28 PM »

hee hee Ginny!! And I'm off, much to the relief of everyone else I am sure!  See y'all tomorry!

Thanks for the smiles DR Vixmom!
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Mischief is where you are old enough to know better but young enough to try!~~ DakotaCelt, 2004
If a man loses something and he goes back and looks carefully, he will find it ~~ Sitting Bull
Noodles Grow... Meat Shrinks... Oh the beauty of cooking!
"Humility is probably the most difficult virtue to realize." --Thomas Yellowtail, CROW
Continue to contaminate your bed, and you will one night suffocate in your own waste. ~~ Chief Seattle, 1854

DakotaCelt

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #212 on: April 03, 2006, 03:22:33 PM »

This is not exactly a joke but sort of a funny. It just happened here at the library....

Mind you we do not close until midnight.... A person was yakking away on their cell and walked right smack into the door and cried foul....
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Mischief is where you are old enough to know better but young enough to try!~~ DakotaCelt, 2004
If a man loses something and he goes back and looks carefully, he will find it ~~ Sitting Bull
Noodles Grow... Meat Shrinks... Oh the beauty of cooking!
"Humility is probably the most difficult virtue to realize." --Thomas Yellowtail, CROW
Continue to contaminate your bed, and you will one night suffocate in your own waste. ~~ Chief Seattle, 1854

DakotaCelt

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #213 on: April 03, 2006, 03:22:47 PM »

Page 8 DAnce!!
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Mischief is where you are old enough to know better but young enough to try!~~ DakotaCelt, 2004
If a man loses something and he goes back and looks carefully, he will find it ~~ Sitting Bull
Noodles Grow... Meat Shrinks... Oh the beauty of cooking!
"Humility is probably the most difficult virtue to realize." --Thomas Yellowtail, CROW
Continue to contaminate your bed, and you will one night suffocate in your own waste. ~~ Chief Seattle, 1854

DakotaCelt

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #214 on: April 03, 2006, 03:34:07 PM »

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small treebegins to grow between them. The beech says to the birch, "Is that a
son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

 The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are atree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither
a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece
of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
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Mischief is where you are old enough to know better but young enough to try!~~ DakotaCelt, 2004
If a man loses something and he goes back and looks carefully, he will find it ~~ Sitting Bull
Noodles Grow... Meat Shrinks... Oh the beauty of cooking!
"Humility is probably the most difficult virtue to realize." --Thomas Yellowtail, CROW
Continue to contaminate your bed, and you will one night suffocate in your own waste. ~~ Chief Seattle, 1854

Jennifer

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #215 on: April 03, 2006, 03:35:16 PM »

Thanks for the info DR Jose.
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George

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #216 on: April 03, 2006, 04:35:03 PM »

PARALLEL LIVES:

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully, they attended parochial school from kindergarten through their senior year in high school.

They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college and, upon graduation, became priests. Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects.
 
Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of these two who would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen. The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was the better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why Timothy?"

After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply. "We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called Pope Secola."
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George

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #217 on: April 03, 2006, 04:38:19 PM »

This is a repeat (I didn't originally post it, Der Brucer did ;D), but it deserves to be repeated:

Quote
Just in case you've had a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny part is that it really works.

1. Picture yourself near a stream.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one but you knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic world.

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. And you can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water.
« Last Edit: April 03, 2006, 04:44:25 PM by George »
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Voldemort is basically a middle school girl: he has a locket, a diary, a tiara, a ring, and is completely obsessed with a teenage boy.

Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #218 on: April 03, 2006, 04:40:00 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:

#27.  When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

« Last Edit: April 03, 2006, 04:45:00 PM by Ron Pulliam »
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #219 on: April 03, 2006, 04:45:12 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#26. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned partners who are their total opposites.
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #220 on: April 03, 2006, 04:45:30 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#25.  If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #221 on: April 03, 2006, 04:45:50 PM »

Things you  learn from the movies:


#24.  A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #222 on: April 03, 2006, 04:46:08 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#23.  All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #223 on: April 03, 2006, 04:46:29 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#22.  Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #224 on: April 03, 2006, 04:46:48 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#21.  Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #225 on: April 03, 2006, 04:47:32 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#20.  If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
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Dan (the Man)

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #226 on: April 03, 2006, 04:47:42 PM »

Wow!  HHW now has a bigger band with more gigs!  A recording contract can only follow!
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #227 on: April 03, 2006, 04:47:54 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#19.  If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #228 on: April 03, 2006, 04:49:05 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#18.  A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #229 on: April 03, 2006, 04:49:26 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#17.  The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #230 on: April 03, 2006, 04:49:42 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#16.  Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language.  A German or Russian accent will do
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #231 on: April 03, 2006, 04:49:59 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#15.  You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #232 on: April 03, 2006, 04:50:37 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#14.  Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #233 on: April 03, 2006, 04:51:04 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#13.  It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk him down
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #234 on: April 03, 2006, 04:51:21 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#12.  All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #235 on: April 03, 2006, 04:51:44 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#11.  All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #236 on: April 03, 2006, 04:52:02 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#10.  Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #237 on: April 03, 2006, 04:52:34 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#9.  Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #238 on: April 03, 2006, 04:52:53 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#8.  If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
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Ron Pulliam

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Re:JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED
« Reply #239 on: April 03, 2006, 04:58:58 PM »

Things you learn from the movies:


#7.  When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
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