Some random thoughts on the Golden Globes:
For incredible beauty (natural or otherwise), female category, look no further than Miss Jessica Lange...Close runners up: Miss Ellen Burstyn and Miss Diane Lane...Confidential to Miss Tyra Banks: you look like a drag queen...Person with whom I would least like to be stuck in an elevator: Miss Christina Ricci...Congratulations to Mr. Al Pacino for filling the position of Most Skanky Looking Attendee, a position long held by Mr. Tom Cruise...Confidential to Miss Nicole Kidman: Darling, it still gets cold here this time of year; you should have sprung for the rest of the dress...Confidential to Mr. Tom Cruise: the short haircut looks sooooo much better on you. Now lose that growth that you think resembles a beard...(No "so to speak" on that last one, Dear Readers)...Confidential to Mr. Johnny Depp: I adore your work, but you scare me...Best Speech of the Night Award goes to: Mr. Bill Murray...Woo-hoo, Miss Meryl Streep. You go girl!...Confidential to Miss Jennifer Lopez: Sweetheart, you look like you spent way too much time in the tanning booth. And the frosted lipstick has to go, doll, OK?...Just how short is Mr. Danny DeVito and just how tall is Miss Sharon Stone?...Why would anyone even think of evoking the film A Chorus Line, much less, in the context of a lifetime achievement award?...Mr. Peter Jackson: you prove what I've said for some time: Slobs rule!...Someone should let the award nominees know that it's tacky to applaud for themselves when their names are announced...Congratulations to Miss Charlize Theron's prosthetic teeth and makeup for winning her an award...The two films most overlooked in the nominations: The Station Agent and The Triplets of Belleville...Amongst the things I learned from the commercials on the Golden Globes: the color of your teeth can determine whether you are in love...and that Chandler Bing is marrying Phoebe. Like, eeewwww. This will become the benchmark that replaces kissing your sister.