Topic: HOARY JOKES (Read 43840 times)

Ginny · « **Reply #60 on:** June 11, 2013, 05:58:55 AM »

Tuesday morning greetings! Summer-y weather is here - 85 today, 90 tomorrow, and HUMID

Ginny · « **Reply #61 on:** June 11, 2013, 06:01:13 AM »

DR Vixmom, don't store your Vera Bradley in the basement!

Ginny · « **Reply #62 on:** June 11, 2013, 06:03:14 AM »

I first heard this when then-5-year-old Robbie told it at a day camp talent show:

What does a pig put on his sunburn?

OINK-ment!

elmore3003 · « **Reply #63 on:** June 11, 2013, 06:12:30 AM »

Greetings from Toyland!

Charles Pogue · « **Reply #64 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:13:17 AM »

TOD:

I've always been a sucker for what I call "have an accident" jokes:

Have an accident?
No, thanks, just had one.

Call me a cab!
Okay, you're a cab.

Charles Pogue · « **Reply #65 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:19:25 AM »

Disagree, BK, about the score from GIRL CRAZY being mediocre. I like a lot of the lesser known songs like Could You Use Me, Treat Me Rough, Sam & Delilah, even Bronco Busters.

Jrand74 · « **Reply #66 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:24:40 AM »

Such lovely new avatars from DR JANE and DR LAURA yesterday.

Prague travel vibes for DR DOUG R!

Nice gaze-bo DR GEORGE!

Kate · « **Reply #67 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:24:27 AM »

Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Doris!
Doris Who?
Doris locked, that's why I am knocking!

Jrand74 · « **Reply #68 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:26:39 AM »

A ninety year old man married a sixteen year old girl. A friend asked: "Aren't you afraid of heart attack on the wedding night" The Man replies: "If she dies - she dies."

Jrand74 · « **Reply #69 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:27:55 AM »

Man notices an empty seat next to a woman at BOOK OF MORMON.....asks her about it.

"Oh my husband died."

"Couldn't you bring a friend?"

"They're all at the funeral."

Jrand74 · « **Reply #70 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:29:07 AM »

God sneezed - I didn't know what to say to him....

Jrand74 · « **Reply #71 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:29:44 AM »

Kate · « **Reply #72 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:36:40 AM »

What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!

Kate · « **Reply #73 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:37:21 AM »

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because: 7 8 9!

bk · « **Reply #74 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:44:55 AM »

I'm up, I'm up - workers should be here soon.

bk · « **Reply #75 on:** June 11, 2013, 07:45:26 AM »

I like the music of Bronco Busters, not the lyric. Delilah I've never liked.

ArnoldMBrockman · « **Reply #76 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:03:14 AM »

Quote from: bk on June 11, 2013, 01:28:21 AM

And the word of the day is: HOISE!

And The Song Of The Day Is: TO LIFE

ChasSmith · « **Reply #77 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:02:51 AM »

I just ate some scrambled eggs, Brown & Serve sausages, fresh tomato slices, and I'm on my second cup of Emeril's Big Easy Bold. I should be rarin' to go! But here I sit.

Ron Pulliam · « **Reply #78 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:04:14 AM »

Sad Cat Diary

Ron Pulliam · « **Reply #79 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:07:55 AM »

I know a great "Knock-Knock" joke, but I need one of you to start it!

Druxy · « **Reply #80 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:10:10 AM »

Quote from: Mike on June 11, 2013, 03:49:30 AM

I had the opportunity to work with Henny Youngman once in the the late 70's on a Canadian TV series. The premise of the sketch was that he could make anyone a comedian. He would give the setup line and I would give the punchline. So this is what I did.

Henny: I gave my wife plastic surgery for her birthday.
Me: I cut up her credit cards.

I just tried this one on my wife.

She said, "No way."

ChasSmith · « **Reply #81 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:11:33 AM »

Quote from: Ron Pulliam on June 11, 2013, 08:04:14 AM

Sad Cat Diary

That's excellent, DR Ron.

Ron Pulliam · « **Reply #82 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:17:42 AM »

"XXX Walked into a bar jokes":

This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces “I’m lookin’ fer the man who shot my paw.”

A termite walks into a bar and says “Is the bar tender here?”

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says “Hey get out! We don’t want your type in here!”

Ron Pulliam · « **Reply #83 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:18:43 AM »

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

Jrand74 · « **Reply #84 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:22:22 AM »

Quote from: Ron Pulliam on June 11, 2013, 08:07:55 AM

I know a great "Knock-Knock" joke, but I need one of you to start it!

Knock Knock.

Druxy · « **Reply #85 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:24:23 AM »

Quote from: Ben on June 11, 2013, 05:10:21 AM

After that we came home, Anthony spoke on the phone to some well wishers and then we watched

The Ginger Rogers Show

a pilot from 1963 for a possible weekly television outing for Miss Rogers. The pilot was never picked up. After we watched the show we realized why it wasn't picked up.

I turned it off after 5 minutes.

Druxy · « **Reply #86 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:35:22 AM »

Quote from: Ben on June 11, 2013, 05:32:36 AM

Quote from: vixmom on June 11, 2013, 05:29:16 AM
http://www.hulu.com/watch/52190

I wonder if that worked

That didn't but this should

Saturday Night Light Save Broadway

Jane · « **Reply #87 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:36:36 AM »

For fans of the Hamburger Hamlet, Harry Lewis who launched the chain has passed away.
http://www.latimes.com/news/obituaries/la-me-harry-lewis-20130611,0,3634468.story

ChasSmith · « **Reply #88 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:40:05 AM »

Oh, wow. Thank you for that, DR Jane.

I would have had no idea whether he or Marilyn were still with us (I see she still is). RIP and thanks, sir.

Druxy · « **Reply #89 on:** June 11, 2013, 08:40:20 AM »

Quote from: Jane on June 11, 2013, 08:36:36 AM

For fans of the Hamburger Hamlet, Harry Lewis who launched the chain has passed away.
http://www.latimes.com/news/obituaries/la-me-harry-lewis-20130611,0,3634468.story

I met Harry at one of Ray Court's autograph shows a few years ago. He had a major role in one of my all time favorite movies, KEY LARGO.

News:

Author Topic: HOARY JOKES (Read 43840 times)