My heart is breaking.
DR Iris, have you given her permission to die? I was asked this question when my dad was dying, and I was appalled. I finally saw the good side of it, even though my brothers were horrified. Every night after I resolved to give him permission, I would sit with him and say something like thus to him: Everything's under control, I will protect your estate and your wishes in your will, so don't hang around because you're concerned. All is good, and you can leave us. You have my permission. I love you. If Mom comes through that door and says, Come with me, old man, I want to you go with her.