Well, dear readers, you will not believe it. Today, Thursday February 14, is Valentine’s Day. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, today is Valentine’s Day. Now, for some reason I’d gotten it into my head that Valentine’s Day was coming up on Sunday. So, the fact that Valentine’s Day is not Sunday but today has caught me unawares. Have you ever been caught unawares? I don’t like it at all – I only like to be caught awares because to be caught unawares is heinous (heinous, do you hear me?). I mean, I woke up this morning, thinking I was all awares as usual, I sit down at my handy-dandy laptop computer, open my e-mail and there amongst the incoming letters is a Valentine’s Day wish. Well, catch me unawares, why don’t you? The entire point of this diatribe is that it is indeed Valentine’s Day, so we must have our very own haineshisway.com Valentine’s Day celebration. Yes, Virginia, we must break out the Diet Coke, we must eat heart-shaped cheese slices and ham chunks all the livelong day and well into the evening. Now that I am awares, I want you all to know that you are all my special Valentines. I feel we should put on soft romantic music and dance the Hora, and the Can Can, and best of all, the frug. When we tire of those, let’s get extra close and dance the locomotion.
Oh, I am feeling so very romantic today. I just gave myself a big hug and myself gave me a big hug right back. Oh, I am tingling with romanticism. But more about that later.
Yesterday, dear reader Michael Shayne posted a very long list of fondly remembered tv movies from the 70s (if you’ve missed the last couple of days’ notes, merely click on the Unseemly Button to catch up – have you ever tried to catch “up”? “Up” is a slippery little devil, so move quickly is what I say). At the very end of his list he wrote about a tv movie entitled The Adventures of Freddy. Now, The Adventures of Freddy is a fairly obscure tv movie so what are the odds that he would mention it? It starred Michael Burns as Freddy and Mr. Shayne wondered what has become of Mr. Burns, who was a very charming actor. Well, since I am a fountain of information, I shall tell you what became of Mr. Burns and I shall tell you a quite amusing story about The Adventures of Freddy, which you simply will not believe. In fact, it will come upon you unawares, much as Valentine’s Day did me. However, first we must all do that extremely tiresome thing, we must all click on the Unseemly Button below. Since it is Valentine’s Day, a day of romance, perhaps we should all kiss the Unseemly Button below, but not with our tongues, because that would be just a bit too unseemly for even the Unseemly Button.
Well, is the Unseemly Button blushing? I do believe it is. In any case, here is my funny story about Mr. Shayne’s mentioning out of the blue the tv movie The Adventures of Freddy.
In 1976, I made a pilot for ABC called Tabitha, which was a spinoff of Bewitched, and which was directed by Mr. William Asher, who’d created Tabitha. I played Adam, her brother, and the fun for me was that they made Adam like the Robert Sterling character in Topper – urbane, witty and I got to do all the magic stuff (Tabitha, in our pilot, was trying not to be a witch and use her powers). In any case, it didn’t sell. Nudie Musical had been released while I was shooting the show. Flash forward six or seven months. I get a call from my manager, Pat McQueeney with some rather incredible news: There’s a new tv movie about to be made – well, a tv movie/pilot for a series, called The Adventures of Freddy, produced by David Gerber (if I remember correctly) and directed by Hy Averback. They’d just screened Nudie Musical and had called to offer me the second lead in the film/pilot. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, they offered me the co-lead. No reading, no network meetings, just “do you want the part”. Well, I practically fell on the ground. They sent me the script, I read it, and committed immediately (it was delightful, and I loved the part of the lead character’s best friend). We did up a contract for both the movie and, should it sell, the series. I was given second billing. At that point, they hadn’t cast anyone else, so I came in and read with everyone. They were having so much trouble finding a Freddy that they actually tested me, even though I really wanted to play the part I’d been given. Finally, they settled on Michael Burns, a boyishly charming actor who, as a kid, had done a lot of television and features (he was the son in Fox’s Mr. Hobbs Takes A Vacation). Ironically, the first pilot I’d ever done (for CBS, in 1971) had starred Michael and we’d become really good friends – he’d even starred in the first musical I ever wrote. So our chemistry was really great. We rehearsed for a few days and then got ready to film.
The first day, we were all put on a bus and taken to some location somewhere. As usual on first days, things got behind a bit, and they never got to my scenes. The second day was the same – I think, at the very end of the day, we took one shot of me getting in my car. I was to be first up the next day.
On the bus back to the studio, I noticed some weird little red bumps on the back of my hand. I thought maybe it was just from the makeup or something. When I got home and removed by shirt, I saw that my arm was fairly covered with red bumps. I took off my t-shirt and my chest was covered with red bumps, too. I knew what they were immediately, because my daughter, who was eight or so at the time, was just getting over the chicken pox. Well, I’d never had the chicken pox. Oops. I remember getting in the shower immediately, hoping somehow that they’d wash off. No such luck. I called a doctor, who came over and confirmed my worst fears. We then called the studio and told them the bad news. They recheduled the scenes to be shot the next day. The producers were absolutely wonderful to me – they told me that they would shoot everything but my scenes, which would give me just about two weeks to recover. Certainly my daughter had recovered in that time so, as frustrating as it was, I laid in bed and prayed for the damnable red spots to go away. Unfortunately, when you are twenty-nine, chicken pox is not such a good disease to have. And I had a doozy of a case of them. My face was covered with the awful things. I couldn’t shave, of course, so I think I looked like those lepers in Ben-Hur.
After a week, I got better, but the things on my face just wouldn’t go away. Every day I’d get up and run to the mirror, but the scabby bits were still there, day after day. They’d scheduled me to be the last four days of shooting. Two days before I was to return, they had me come in to make sure the makeup would be able to disguise whatever chicken pox bits were left on my face. Well, the makeup man, the great Bud Westmore, took one look at me and shook his head and said, “No way”. I was devastated, as were the producers. They finally replaced me with a Canadian actor named Dick Blasucci. Mr. Blasucci went on to be a very successful writer, but acting was not his forte, and he and Michael had no chemistry at all. I think they showed it once under its original title, and then it was retitled The Mystical Magical Magnet of Santa Mesa or something like that. I didn’t sell as a series, although I’d like to think that if I’d done it that it would have.
There are two ironic sidenotes to this story: One, every time they would show the movie on tv, my name would appear in the TV Guide listing (I think I’m even still listed in the cast on the imdb). The second ironic thing is, just before shooting was to begin, my manager got a call from the Tabitha producers saying they were doing a new pilot with a new script, director and cast – was I available to play Adam. I wasn’t, of course, and of course that second pilot of Tabitha was the one that sold and went to series, with David Ankrum as Adam. Oh, there’s a third ironic sidenote: Years later, I was one of the producers on a Fox tv show called Totally Hidden Video. In my final year on the show (I did it for two-and-a-half years – sheer torture) they brought in a whole new set of writers for the hidden camera gags – included in that set of writers was David Ankrum, so Totally Hidden Video had the unique distinction of employing both people who had playd Adam at the same time.
Wasn’t that a good story of why it was funny that Michael Shayne brought up The Adventures of Freddy? Isn’t it a small world? And did you know that David Ankrum’s father was the great Morris Ankrum who was in every great cheesy fifties sci-fi/horror movie, including my favorite, Invaders from Mars, in which he played his most memorable role, Colonel Fielding? Until Mr. Shayne had mentioned The Adventures of Freddy, I hadn’t thought of that show for close to twenty-five years.
Into the Woods received rave reviews here in Los Angeles. I predicted it would, because Los Angeles critics fall all over themselves with Mr. Sondheim, no matter what problems there may or may not be in the particular production they are reviewing. They are not so kind to shows which fancy themselves pure entertainment – one of the reasons the revisal of Flower Drum Song got unanimous raves here was because it took itself seriously, and because of Mr. Hwangs involvement. I adored FDS myself (and adored it even when I saw this new version in workshop form), but it was still in need of some tinkering, but you certainly wouldn’t know that from the reviews here.
Well, I’m feeling very romantic, aren’t you? Don’t forget, we are celebrating, so post your Valentine’s Day thoughts in the Unseemly Comment Box below. Also, topic for discussion today: What is your favorite opening number of a musical? And why? Well, dear readers, I must go eat some heart-shaped cheese slices and ham chunks. I must put on my most romantic clothing. I must anoint myself with balms and gileads, and lotions and rare oils from New Brunswick. I must shower and shave and put on my sexiest clothing so I can slink about like a Valentine run amok. I must kiss everyone I see, but not with my tongue because that would be unseemly and they would most likely deck me. We must throw caution to the wind and spread love wherever we go. Actually, let’s not throw caution to the wind – after all, what did caution ever do to be thrown out like an old shoe, especially thrown to the bad old wind? No, it’s Valentine’s Day for caution, too. I hope you have a wonderful sweet day, each and every one of you.