Well, dear readers, I am getting a very late start on these here notes. I kept waking up during the night and then overslept. But I will answer each and every question that you asked, no matter how many minuties or houries it may take. But first, a word from our sponsor.
Last night I had one of the worst meals I’ve ever eaten. It was in Santa Monica, at one of those trendy little places near the 3rd Street mall. I went with Cissy Wechter, to meet the lady who’s doing publicity for the Tourette’s Syndrome benefit. This was one of those places that had mostly nouveau Mexican, put you could also get pasta and Caesar Salad with chicken. It was also one of those places where no food you order either resembles what it should look like or taste the way it should taste. It was one of those places that always has at least one ingredient in every dish that you would never want in your mouth. I ordered a small Caesar Salad and cheese enchiladas. Well, rather than being a classic Caesar Salad, it was more like a Caesar Chavez salad. The dressing was weird and spicy and had a Mexican flavor to it, and there were also sunflower seeds in the salad. Now, I don’t know about you, dear readers, but I just don’t want sunflower seeds in my Caesar Salad. As to the cheese enchiladas, they looked like blintzes and tasted like a rancid Ukranian Moose. It was indescribably bad, but I ate it all up because I don’t like the restaurant to feel bad. Cissy’s meal was equally as wretched, or so she said. When I got home I ate lots of gummy things to get the taste out of my mouth.
Well, let’s dive into these questions, shall we? Let’s all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can start providing the answers.
Okie dokie. Jed asks several questions (everyone asked several questions, so put on your jammies and settle in for a long read): What’s my favorite unknown musical?
Well, if it were a truly unknown musical I wouldn’t know it. But, of the unsuccessful musicals I’ve seen and/or heard, I would have to say I’m very partial to Smile.
What are my thoughts on Jeanine Tesori’s Violet.
Haven’t heard it, hence I have no thoughts on Jeanine Tesori’s Violet.
What’s my musical theater dream role?
I’ve always wanted to play C.C. Baxter in Promises, Promises.
What is my favorite track from the Terry Trotter Sondheim series?
Hard question. Maybe Every Day A Little Death.
William F. Orr asks if I sleep in pyjamas. No, I sleep in Nike shorts and a t-shirt and look very cuddly and obtuse at the same time. I also don’t sleep in pajamas.
Lolita asks: What is currently in my CD player (several people asked, so here’s the one answer)?
Currently in my CD player is the soundtrack to The Barbarian and the Geisha by Hugo Friedhofer, and Young Sherlock Holmes by Bruce Broughton, both wonderful. Lolita also asks the following: What is my favorite rhyme?
I’ve always been partial to:
I’ve some traits I warn you
To which you’ll have objections.
I, too, have a cornu
Copia of imeperfections
by Mr. Stephen Sondheim. What is my favorite backward word? You will find out when you read my novel, but it’s “foorp”. What is my favorite dialogue sequence in a movie? Too hard. But almost anything in Double Indemnity, almost anything in Some Like It Hot and the brilliant auction sequence in North by Northwest.
Arnold M. Brockman asks lots of questions. Here they are. How come no one has ever done an Unsung Jerome Kern? I would like to have done one, but frankly the Unsung Irving Berlin album didn’t do well, so that was the end of that. However, Ben Bagley did do some albums with Jerome Kern rarities and Mr. Robert Armin provided a link to them in yesterday’s notes. The rest of the questions: Favorite food? Du-par’s pancakes and the pounded steak with country gravy at Musso and Frank. Favorite restaurant in NY? Joe Allen. Favorite restaurant in LA? Musso and Frank. Favorite hard liquor drink? Don’t drink, hence no answer. Favorite soft drink? My beloved Diet Coke. Favorite hot drink? Don’t drink hot drinks, hence no answer. He then asks me all those Bernard whatever-his-name-is questions that Mr. James Lipton always asks his guests. So: What is your favorite word? Loyalty. What turns you on? Foot rubs and creative people, not necessarily in that order. What turns you off? Negativity and evil. What sound do you love? Rain falling. What sound do you hate? Jackhammers. What is your favorite curseword? Oh, it’s bad. It starts with “c” and ends with “t” and has the United Nations in the middle. I just love the sound of that word, it has nothing to do with its actual meaning. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? I’ve always loved Broadway dancing, so a Broadway dancer. What profession would you not like to participate in? Grave digging. If Heaven exists what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? I have some of your albums and they’re pretty good so I’m going to make you a part of the Music Branch of Heaven.
Scott asks if I ever told Jason Graae that dear reader Harry thought he was an amazing hunk of manflesh? I did indeed and Jason was very pleased that someone thinks he’s an amazing hunk of manflesh.
Kerry asks what kind of socks I wear? I buy them at the Gap and they are very nice socks in a variety of colors. No patterns or designs, just plain socks. Kerry also asks if there’s a way for us to create a BK Gallery here at haineshisway.com, with photos and video clips and such. Mr. Mark Bakalor and I are discussing that very thing, along with some other fun additions to the site, so stay tuned.
Hapgood asks several questions. What do I think of the new theater composers (Guettel, LaChiusa, Brown, Tesori, Gordon, et. al.)? Well, of the ones you’ve named, let me just say that so far none of them are really my cup of tea, but that is not to say they don’t have loads of talent. I’m much more partial to people like Doug Cohen, Markell and Bernstein, Brad Ross, Heisler and Goldrich and a few others. What was the most recent piece of musical theater I’ve seen and what did I think? A… My Name Is Alice and not much. Are there any current musical actors you love/hate? I really think there are many terrific musical theater actors coming up right now – I’ve used lots of them on albums, so a quick perusal of my albums will tell you my favorites. I can’t say that I really “hate” anyone – too much talent out there. How has my Passover been? It passed over me without stopping. Are the Oscars completely out of touch with quality in movies? I think yes, but I also think the movies are pretty out of touch with quality in movies.
S. Woody White has some food questions: Do I like or dislike buffet-style restaurants? As long as the food is good, I don’t really care what kind of restaurant it is. When I was a kid, we loved going to Ontra Cafeteria – I just loved all the choices and the fact that you could see the food and, of course, we always took way too much. Is there a buffet-style restaurant that serves decent Orange Chicken? Not to my knowledge.
Craig asks: If I could cast and direct a revival or a movie version of a musical, what musical would it be and who would be in it? I would love to direct a revival of Sugar with Jason Graae and Brent Barrett. I would love to direct a revival of Li’l Abner, cast to be determined. I would love to direct Drat! The Cat! and hopefully will be soon. As to a movie musical, I certainly would love to do The Most Happy Fella, on location in the Napa Valley. Casting would be tres difficult, however. Then Craig has a word and song association. He gives a word and I give the first word that pops into my head and the first song.
Enchilada: Cheese (except for last night’s enchilada, in which case the word would be “blechhhh”) – Maria’s Song from Smile. Tap: Rhythm – Tap Your Troubles Away. Factory: Smelly – can’t think of a song. Accounting: Blechhhhh – Count Your Blessings. ALF: Alien – Alf A Sixpence.
Sandra asks if there’s a good Jewish insult word she can use for this stupid guy in her English class who makes fun of her because he thinks she’s odd for liking Jason Graae and Lawrence Welk) – but it has to be a word that won’t get her in trouble with the Jewish girl who sits next to her. Well, I like “putz” and “shvantz” both of which have to do with boy parts. Or call him a “tucous”. If none of those are acceptable, call him a foorp.
Laura, mother to Sandra, asks if the reason she’s having trouble losing the last five pound she wants to lose is because of the ham chunks and cheese slices, and should she switch to soy ham and soy cheese. It is unseemly to eat soy ham and soy cheese, they are fake, they are heinous (heinous, do you hear me?), only real ham chunks and cheese slices will do, and frankly they aren’t even that fattening, especially if you do a pudding dance after you eat them.
Robert Armin asks how I like the CDs he sent me. I like The Five Pennies very much, much better than the CD I burned for myself. And I’m in the midst of listening to the stereo What Makes Sammy Run? CD, which sounds very nice indeed.
Finally, Phil Crosby asks if there’s any chance that Mr. David Shire’s gorgeous score to Return to Oz will ever get re-issued on CD. Unfortunately, the rights reverted back to Disney, and I would doubt they’d be in a rush to rerelease it, although they have rereleased some fairly obscure things recently, so maybe there is hope.
Whew! That was a lot of questions, and I loved that it was a lot of questions because I always have a good time answering your questions, dear readers. Tomorrow we will be back to our regularly scheduled notes. Today’s topic of discussion: Based on my dinner last night, tell me about the worst meal you’ve ever eaten.