Well, dear readers, you’ll never guess what I received yesterday, so I’ll tell you what I received yesterday because why should I keep such things from you? Yesterday I received two boxes of products from haineshisway.com. Yes, Virginia, I received two count them two boxes of brand spanking new products. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that too too? I am thrilled with my new products. For example, all last night I paraded around my very own home in my very own Nudie Musical boxer shorts. I looked very buff and toned with abs and buns of steel in my Nudie Musical boxer shorts and I would have been the envy of one and all and also all and one, if only someone else had been here to see me in them. All my various and sundried Nudie Musical shirts and hats look very spiffy, too. I also received my Benjamin Kritzer products, some of which I loved and some of which I didn’t. You see, I’d suggested the design of said products, but when I saw the way it printed I didn’t care for it. So, Mr. Mark Bakalor, at my behest, has changed the design (I didn’t like the way the little boy from the cover artwork printed – it’s much cleaner with just the title treatment. But the mousepad and the tile look faboo, and I have reordered all the other items to get the new and cleaner design. But here’s the best thing – you can now get a Nudie Musical or Benjamin Kritzer clock. Can you believe it? Your very own handy-dandy Nudie Musical and Benjamin Kritzer clock? I could barely contain myself. Also, you can get a Nudie Musical or Benjamin Kritzer flying disc. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, you can own your very own Nudie Musical or Benjamin Kritzer flying disc. I feel that each and every one of us needs to have a flying disc, so be sure to order yours soon. You simply cannot be without a flying disc, because if you are you will not be part of the In Crowd, you will not be With It, you will not be Cool, Man, Cool. Besides, if no one orders products then Mr. Mark Bakalor is sad and he tries to rip his eyebrows off.
Last night I watched all of Mr. Blake Edwards’ S.O.B. on D.V.D. and I did so whilst wearing my Nudie Musical boxer shorts. I must say, parts of it are really funny and a lot of it is really not very good at all. This is the film in which Miss Julie Andrews shows her “boobies” as she calls them. I have the feeling that this film is a real film a clef – isn’t that the film equivalent of a roman a clef? I think this is all about Mr. Edwards’ legendary flop, Darling Lili. I think this is Mr. Edwards’ revenge on Hollywood. As I said, some of it is right on target and beautifully staged, and some of it is pretentious and unfunny and labored. Still and all, if you’re a fan of Mr. Edwards, you must have it. William Holden is terrific, as is the over-the-top Richard Mulligan. Nice supporting turns from Robert Preston and Robert Vaughn.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t I have excellent questions to answer? Why am I shilly-shallying when I should be shally-shillying? Why am I asking questions when I’m supposed to be answering them? Shouldn’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below so we can go on with the show? Yes, I think we should, and by gum and by golly I think we shall. How’s that for an answer? Oops, that was a question, wasn’t it?
I keep forgetting to mention that over at amazon.com they have a sales ranking for all their various and sundried products. In other words, if there’s a CD listed, and the sales rank is in the top 500 or so, that means it is doing very well indeed. Well, would you like to know what the amazon.com sales rank of Nudie Musical was today (it changes all the time – so it may not be at that number tomorrow)? Well, I’ll tell you what the sales rank was because if I keep it from you you will look askance at me. As of this afternoon the sales rank was 295. I think that is pretty astonishing when you consider that amazon.com lists over 13,000 DVDs. Ever since they’ve listed it, it has run the gamut, sales rank-wise, although it’s never been worse than in the top 4,000. But this entire week it’s been in the top 700, and there are still three weeks to go before it’s released. That made me want to dance a jig, and I did dance a jig whilst wearing my Nudie Musical boxer shorts. If only I’d had a flying disc.
Well, let’s get to your excellent questions, shall we?
Craig has his usual group of questions. This week, they are: What is my opinion on the score of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, both film and stage musical, and how does it rank against Li’l Abner? Well, first off I don’t love the songs that were added to the stage musical, but I do like the film songs very much. I don’t think that any of them, with the exception of the glorious Wonderful, Wonderful Day, rank with Li’l Abner, but that’s just me.
Have I picked up the newly remastered edition of Barnum and what is my opinion? I did pick it up, but it’s not really all that different sounding than the original CD, although it does have some fun demo tracks. I must admit that the charm of Barnum mostly escapes me – although Cy Coleman’s tunes always make me smile. Craig then mentions a show CBS once had called The Songwriters and asks if I ever saw it? No, I didn’t. Craig thinks it is time to resurrect that type of show. I think it’s time for a lot of things, and I am working away trying to bring said things to fruition, although that is sometimes difficult to do in a world populated by people without much vision.
Michael Shayne asks if it’s possible that the Henry Higgins songs from My Fair Lady can be arranged and orchestrated so that a wonderful singer like Ron Raines can take full advantage of them, or is it written in a way that would preclude that? Well, certainly the songs are written without any sustained notes – that said, I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face certainly works, and it’s a beautiful track on the album I produced for Brent Barrett. Michael also asks if I ever found out from Rupert Holmes who was voted the murderer, Datchery, and the lovers most times in Drood. Rupert has been away and very busy, but I will get an answer.
Mattso asks if I’ll be giving the faithful, loyal and true Hainsies/Kimlets a hint about the Easter Eggs on the Nudie Musical DVD. I will tell you that one of them is a never-before-heard song that was filmed but ultimately ended up being used only in a montage. Mattso also wants to know if I have a favorite cocktail. Yes, a Diet Coke with a cherry. What is the etymology of the word “cocktail”? Well, it stems from days of old when farmers, in a drunken stupor, would try to put a rooster in a glass and drink it. All they would get is their noses tickled by the tail of the rooster, or cock, in the farm vernacular. Finally, have I ever seen a Bollywood musical. I must say that the only Bollywood musical I’ve even seen a portion of is the one that’s shown at the beginning of Ghost World. I did find it giddy in its lunatic and rather manic way. Finally, wasn’t I going to do a radio show using our dear reader picks for favorite show tunes, replete with phone interviews? Yes, that is still in the works, so stay tuned.
Philip Crosby asks – in all the musicals (stage or film) that I’ve seen, who was the most perfectly cast performer? Where the fit of actor and role was so perfect that it couldn’t possibly be as good with anyone else? Well, certainly Mr. Robert Preston as Mr. Harold Hill would fit that category, as would Mr. Yul Brynner as The King, and Mr. Rex Harrison as Henry Higgins. I would also put Robert Weede as Tony in The Most Happy Fella in that category, and I would also add Pert Kelton as Mrs. Paroo, Donna McKechnie as Cassie, Elaine Stritch as Joanne in Company, Len Cariou as Sweeney Todd, Paul Lynde as Mr. MacAfee, Barbra Streisand as Fanny Brice, Peter Palmer as Li’l Abner, Tammy Grimes as Molly Brown, Dorothy Collins as Sally Durant Plummer in Follies and Lotte Lenya in Cabaret. I think every one of those people will never be bettered in those roles. Conversely, who was the most miscast? That’s much harder – certainly Bernadette Peters in Annie Get Your Gun comes to mind.
Tom from Oz asks what are my favorite cities in the world? Well, I have a shocking admission to make: I have never been to Europe. The only place I have been to outside the US is Canada, where I visited Toronto and Montreal, both of which I liked very much. Tom also asks if I’ve caught up with Bugsy Malone yet? No, it’s still unreleased on DVD, but is coming soon from what I understand. Also, have I ever seen the musical Robert and Elizabeth. No, I’ve never seen it, but I had the album (and now CD) and I rather like it, especially the beautiful I Know Now.
Freedunit has a plethora of questions. To wit: With regards to musical theater, is it the case that a performer is either to the manner born or not – in other words, are some performers born with a musical theater gene and others not, and can it be taught? I suppose it’s something that’s born in you, but I don’t think Robert Preston or Rex Harrison probably ever thought they’d end up in the musical theater, and yet each of them was definitely to the manner born as it turns out. I’m sure some things can be taught, but I think if someone is totally without musical theater talent, no amount of teaching will help. Next, when recording a cast album are there performances I thought might be presented to better effect on the recording rather than the stage? Most certainly. I’ll give you an example – Faith Prince in Little Me. Most people didn’t think the conceit of her playing young and old Belle worked in the theater. I was determined that it would work on the album, and she and I made sure that it did. Were there ever excellent stage performances that came off poorly on a recording. Yes, Jerry Orbach in Promises, Promises comes to mind. A fantastic stage performance, but very pitchy on the album – you just get very little sense of how brilliant he was in the show. Were there ever poor stage performances that made excellent recordings. Sure. Did I ever observe a stage performance and think I’d be able to assist a performer in improving it for a recording, and if so was it improved? Most definitely, several times, although I won’t mention names. Did I ever observe a stage performance that I thought would translate perfectly to a recording, only to find that major work was required in the studio? Most definitely, several times, although I won’t mention any names. Have I ever electronically corrected a singer’s pitch in the studio? Very infrequently, but yes, on occasion we have done a little tweaking. In the old days you had to do it very sparingly – when we began recording in Pro Tools, it became much much easier. How frequently, if ever, have I been able to record orchestra and vocalist together? The vocalist is always there on the band date and sings every song with the orchestra (in the old days, when I used to do the band in sections, the singer was there with the rhythm section – but for the past four years we’ve had the entire band in the room at once). If we get great takes, we use them. If we have to fix a line or two, we do. If we have to do other vocal takes later, we do. On the multiple artist albums, if the singer is in town, we have them at the band date – if not, they get a tape of the track to work with before we do the vocal. However, we’ve all rehearsed and know exactly how we want to do the song. Broadway albums are of course recorded with orchestra and singers at the same time. Freedunit then asks for knee-jerk reactions to the following: Ginger or Mary Ann? Mary Ann. Mary Martin or Ethel Merman? Ethel Merman. Betty Buckley or Patti Lupone? Patti Lupone. Andrew Lloyd Webber or Frank Wildhorn? Andrew Lloyd Webber. What is my favorite chocolate cake? It’s called a Parisienne cake, and it’s delicious. What about the Reprise Follies and the Kennedy Center Sondheim Celebration? Haven’t seen them and therefore cannot comment. Finally, what is my reaction to the following: Contact? Never saw it. Discotheque pantomime? Never seen any. Mamma Mia? Like Abba, thought the show was loud and obnoxious.
William F. Orr asks what my feelings are about various and sundried rock musicals, specifically Jesus Christ, Superstar, Tommy, The Rocky Horror Show and Hedwig and the Angry Inch, both stage and film? Well, they’re certainly not my faves, although I enjoy bits of all of them.
Arnold M. Brockman asks what, in my opinion, is the best complete recording of a Broadway or off-Broadway show? And why? I will just say Gypsy and be done with it. It’s a perfect album (pre Tom Shepard and his revisionist history) of a perfect score featuring perfect performances by everyone, captured in perfect sound by Goddard Lieberson and his engineer. I remember sitting my engineer Vinnie down and playing him the overture. His jaw dropped, so amazed was he by the sound. Next, if I were to pick one musical from the following composers, what would it be? Cole Porter: Kiss Me Kate. Gershwin: Porgy and Bess (I’m counting it as a musical, so there). Irving Berlin: Annie Get Your Gun. Rodgers and Hammerstein: Flower Drum Song (okay, so shoot me). Rodgers and Hart: On Your Toes. Kander and Ebb: Cabaret. Schimdt and Jones: The Fantasticks. Cy Coleman: Sweet Charity. Lerner and Loewe: Camelot. Harold Arlen: House of Flowers. Jule Styne: Gypsy. Stephen Sondheim: Follies. And although Arnold M. Brockman didn’t include him, I will: Frank Loesser: The Most Happy Fella.
Scott R. has some questions about CD packaging, specifically about the cover and liner notes, and his questions apply more to the theater performer solo CDs as opposed to cast albums. First, who comes up with the concept? It really depends. Normally, the artist and I talk about the album, the songs, what we want to say with the cover. Then we hire a photographer, and we send them a copy of the album to listen to. Then the performer and photographer take the photos. Next, how are the designers chosen for a project? Well, I work with several different ones and each has their own strengths, so I determine which of them I think would be best for whichever project. Are they in-house personnel at the label, or outside people? I’m sure certain labels have in-house people, but my albums were always done by independent designers. Are photos staged specifically for use on the CD package or are they scavenged from past shoots? Well, for albums I produced, all photos were taken specifically for each of the albums. What you really want is for that tiny 4×4 space to instantly say something – to instantly evoke a mood. If you look at Judy Kuhn’s Jule Styne album you’ll see what I mean – same with Christiane Noll’s A Broadway Love Story. Finally, why are there so many typos? I like to think that we had less than most, but I can only say that proofing is difficult and sometimes things get by. With my albums, I always had four or five people proofing them. Sometimes, though, you’ll have proofed and proofed and finally gotten everything perfect and approved, you’ll send it to film, and some idiot will hit a wrong keystroke and something will shift and you get a royal screwup like The King and I revival cast album, where the music is by Oscar Hammerstein and the Lyrics are by Richard Rodgers. What can you do but shake your head in dismay?
Sushi Tomoto asks what my favorite Japanese movies are? Do I prefer Samurai films or the traditional monster movies, and how do I feel about anime? Well, I happen to love the Japanese cinema, and like almost everything I see. Some of my favorites are High and Low of Mr. Kurosawa (but I like mostly everything by him, including Dodeskaden), Goyokin of Hideo Gosha, well, there are simply too too many to even think of. I adore all Godzilla films, both old and new, and I even like Gamera, the Flying Turtle. I loved The Makioka Sisters, too. As to anime, it’s not my favorite, although I certainly enjoyed Princess Mononoke (if that’s considered anime).
S. Woody White wants to know what I think of DVD packaging, especially multiple disc sets. I guess I don’t have the problems that some have with snapper cases versus keep cases. As to the multiple disc sets, I like what they did with Harry Potter and Blue Velvet, very classy and easy to use. I also like the packaging on The Sopranos multiple disc sets.
Kerry asks what was my favorite part that I did get to play (film, theater, and tv)? Well, I loved playing John Smithee in Nudie Musical, I just loved that character. I really enjoyed playing Finch in How to Succeed, and Littlechap in Stop the World. And I guest-starred on the premiere episode of a show called Doctor’s Hospital, with George Peppard, and I liked that part a lot. Kerry also asks what my second favorite restaurant in LA is (after Musso and Frank). Well, that’s a hard one, so I’ll give you a few: I adore Dan Tana’s, Du-Par’s (for coffee shop food), and El Cholo for Mexican. All quite yummy. Finally, who would I write a part for, just so I could do a show with them? They can be any sex, and they can be living or dead. I would like to write a part for a dead hermaphrodite. Other than that, of people I haven’t worked with, I suppose I’d write a part for Miss Ethel Merman.
William F. Orr asks if I am going to replace my morte and muerte turntable. Well, yes, I have to, as there are LPs I need to transfer to CD.
Bill asks the reason why CDs and DVDs are released on Tuesdays, and why stores can’t sell them early? I don’t really know why Tuesday is the chosen release day, it makes no sense really, but I suppose it’s as good a day as any other. Studios and labels try to be very strict with stores about breaking street dates – although many stores do, in fact, put stuff out early. But if the studios and labels find out about it, they send someone to the store and the store owner is promptly bitch-slapped from here to eternity and back again.
Lolita asks the following: What is your first thought upon waking up in the morning? Oy, how am I going to get out of the bed this morning? What is the greatest absurdity of life? That people like to expend energy causing others grief. What do I eat with French Fries? I’m not certain I understand this question. If you mean what do I eat on French Fries, I favor ketchup and ranch dressing. If you mean what do I eat along with the French fries, usually a burger or filet o’ fish or something like that. Where are my flashlights located in case of a storm. In a cabinet on the island in the center of my kitchen. That sounds peculiar, doesn’t it, but I think that’s what it’s called, an island. Well, no man is an island, that’s all I know. Why are there no size small baseball t-shirts here at haineshisway.com? Because most baseballs that I know like size large t-shirts. Will we ever hear of the romantic adventures of Meltz and Ernest? We have some real surprises in store for the fans of Meltz and Ernest, and all I can say is stay tuned. Can I make up lyrics to the 12 Days of Christmas using things that I love? I could, but only at Christmastime. File this question away and ask it in December.
And that, dear readers, is all she wrote. I always worry that when I do these answers that it’s very boring, but I hope you find something to like in the answers I have provided to your excellent questions. If any questions appear after the fact, I shall post the answers during the day.
I am placing my book orders on Monday, so if you haven’t ordered yet, do so, or you may have to wait for me to replenish stock (I’m only ordering enough to fill orders and have a few left over). I will reiterate that if you order your copy here at haineshisway.com, not only will it be signed, but you will be getting a surprise extra with it, that will be available nowhere else in the world or environs.
Well, dear readers, I must away, I must do the things I do because the things I do must be done. Today’s topic of discussion: Logos and artwork for shows are really important, because if they’re good they make you intrigued about the show, and sometimes even make you want to see the show, just based on the artwork. What logos and artwork are your favorites – which have captivated you and immediately made you want to see or know more about the show? I’ll start: A Chorus Line – simple and brilliant. Follies – one of the greats, by David Byrd. So evocative and perfect. Company – and I can’t even tell you why. Just bold and distinctive and an eye-grabber. The Most Happy Fella – I just love that drawing. And Li’l Abner – what’s better than those Al Capp black and white characters? Your turn.