Well, dear readers, I am getting tired of having to write an opening sentence. From now on I am going to start with the second sentence. Won’t that be easier? Then I never again have to start at the fershluganah page and think, “Oh, dear, whatever shall the opening sentence be.” Why do there even have to be opening sentences? Damn them, damn them all to hell. I’ve also decided I don’t like the seventh sentence, so from now on I’m skipping directly to the eighth sentence which, by the way (BTW, in Internet lingo) is just what I did. What the hell am I talking about?
Aren’t there questions to answer, DVDs to talk about and events of the day to discuss? Why am I going on about sentences? I hereby sentence the first and seventh sentence to two years in Sing Sing. Do you think when they named that prison they accidentally wrote a second “sing” and then it just stuck? What a stupid name for a prison. Sing Sing. At least they could have called it Sing Sing Sing and then it would almost be a Benny Goodman song.
Last night I watched a brand spanking new DVD of a motion picture entitled Don’t Look Now, starring Mr. Donald Sutherland and Miss Julie Christie, and also starring Venice. I haven’t seen this motion picture since it came out in 1973. It’s really excellent – very strange, very dreamlike, beautifully directed by Nicholas Roeg. And the ending is still a shocker all these years later. This film was the precursor to things like The Vanishing, but it’s ever so much better. People on the Internet complain all the time about Paramount DVDs because they rarely have any extras, save for a trailer. Well, I don’t complain because they do such great transfers. After all, the main thing here is the film and how it looks. If there are extras beyond that, great, but it’s not of paramount importance to either me or Paramount. This transfer of Don’t Look Now is splendid and therefore it’s a DVD I’m happy to own. The love scene between Mr. Sutherland and Miss Christie was rumored at the time to have a bit too much verisimilitude for Miss Christie’s then boyfriend, Mr. Warren Beatty. If you use your handy-dandy one-frame-at-a-time button, I think you can judge for yourself or at least get an idea.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Don’t I have questions to answer, don’t I have sentences to leave out? For example, I’m leaving out the next sentence.
Did you miss the last sentence? No. In fact, if I hadn’t pointed out that I wasn’t having it you would never have been the wiser. You might have been sadder, but then again I always say the sadder-but-wiser-Hainsie/Kimlet-for-me. What am I, the music man all of a sudden? Well, perhaps we should all click on the Unseemly Button below. I’ll bet there are a few of you who wish I’d left that sentence out in the rain.
Well, we didn’t have as many questions as usual (perhaps a few of you left certain questions out, just like I’m leaving certain sentences out), but the ones we had were excellent. So, let’s get to them right now, shall we?
JMK asks what I consider to be the funniest Candid Camera or Totally Hidden Video stunt I’ve ever seen. I used to watch CC but I don’t really remember anything specific. As to THV, well, I’ll let you in on a little secret: None of the pieces, as shot, was ever really as funny as it was when we got through with it. I used to say that it was all in the voice-overs, and it was really true. However, I think my fave was at the Hollywood Wax Museum, where they had a temp security guard. They’d placed real look-alikes for Chaplin and Clark Gable in amongst the wax figures and while the guard was watching the video monitor, he’d see them move. He freaked out (they did the same bit with six people, but the other five were duds – the sixth was amazing). We had an actor playing his boss – and eventually they went in the room with the figures. Every time the boss would leave, Charlie and Clark would come to life, but whenever our mark would call the boss back they went back to being wax figures. It was a great bit. Usually our bits ran four minutes or so, but that one ran seven because it was so damned funny. I cut it and scored it like a scary movie, with weird music and really funny voiceovers (which I spoke that particular week – they were between host, or had temporary hosts, and for four weeks I spoke all the voiceovers).
William F. Orr asks who produced the cast album of the musical version of No Way to Treat a Lady? Why, I believe I did, and a lot of fun it was, too. It has one of my favorite hidden tracks. Interestingly, six months before I’d recorded it, I’d already recorded two songs from it for Broadway Bound. Is Doug Cohen writing anything else these days? Doug is the busiest man in show business. He’s working on a musical called Children’s Letters to God, as well as one called The Big Time (which was supposed to be done last season at the Drama Department, but I don’t know where it stands right now). I think he’s working on two other new musicals as well, and his musical of The Gig gets performed with some regularity. He’s a very talented man. In fact, David Levy just told me that Doug has two count them two shows opening in Boston in the near future.
Laura asks if I’ve had any responses to my ad on JDate? I have had a few, but none worth mentioning. I did meet one nice gal who, funnily, works down the hall from my agent at William Morris. If I don’t get any more responses, perhaps I’ll try KDate or LDate.
William E. Lurie asks if the Brent Barrett CD, which I produced, will have a bonus track on it for Internet purchases. It certainly was designed to, but I have no idea if it will or not or whether the bonus track will just be on the album. I’m afraid that I am out of the loop, Brent Barrett album-wise.
Steveg asks of all the people I haven’t worked with or produced an album for, who would I like to produce and why? What something special would I, BK, bring to the table that they’re not getting from their current producers. Well, I’m sure some singers are perfectly happy with their current producers, but I would love to do an album with Bernadette Peters, if she would allow me to do what I do. I think we’d make some magic together. I’d also like to do a Barbra Streisand album, even though I know it would be trouble. I would like to get her back to basics – just great arrangements, simple production and honest clean vocals. I would have enjoyed doing Kristin Chenoweth (not literally), and in fact we’d talked about it. I’m sure there are others, too.
Jed has been listening to the Terry Trotter “in Jazz” CDs and asks which is my personal favorite of those albums. Well, if we’re limiting it to Sondheim (I’ve done others with him), I would have to say I still fancy the Passion album. I think we all worked wonders on that album, taking a difficult score and really making it work in the jazz idiom. I also think there was some magic afoot when we recorded it, because it is a great-sounding album, just as good as I’ve ever done. Vinnie was on a magical planet that day – it was simply perfect. I’m also really fond of A Little Night Music. The weirdest Trotter album is Sketches on Star Wars, a jazz version of Mr. Williams’ music.
Tom from Oz asks who my three favorite characters are from Sondheim musicals. Well, let’s see – if we’re talking Sondheim music and lyrics both – Pseudolus, Sally (from Follies) and maybe Charlotte from A Little Night Music. I also like the Shogun’s wife (who serves him that lovely tea) in Pacific Overtures. Who is my favorite Jerry’s Girl? I don’t even know who they were. Lena Horne? Was she a Jerry’s Girl? Was Dorothy Loudon a Jerry’s Girl? If so, I vote for Dorothy. Who would I like to see host next year’s Tony Awards. Well, if there could be just one host, maybe Nathan Lane. If not someone fun, then just give us Miss Angela Lansbury, who has class.
Kerry mentions that I produced two albums with Alice Ripley and Emily Skinner, then a solo album with Emily. He asks why there was no solo Alice CD. Alice’s solo CD was originally going to be first, before Emily. Then she just decided that she really wanted to do her own material, and she went with a label that was more suited to what she wanted to do. We had always intended getting around to a Broadway album, and maybe someday we will. Would I produce a David Campbell CD? I like him very much, so I don’t see why not. I think it would be fun to take him in some new directions and get him out of that “cabaret” thing.
Michael Shayne mentions that he was listening to Mr. Guy Haines sing Corner of the Sky on The Stephen Schwartz Album and asks why I decided to do a fade at the end rather than a definite ending. Well, I suppose it felt right to me, the way the arrangement was. I just felt the singer was going off to find his corner of the sky and I wanted to fade him out doing so, if that makes sense. I don’t do a lot of fades, but I do like them when they make a point. Michael thinks that Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina has the worst ending for any song. How would I end it? I really can’t say – I’d have to listen to it again and figure out an entire arrangement – that would lead me to an ending which I hope would work. But for now, I’d replace the last line of the song with the last line of Some People. That would perk it right up. Michael also mentions that several big-name chorus members on John McGlinn’s recording of Anything Goes use pseudonyms. He’s figured out some but asks who Bryan Landrine, De-Bouree Bach and Dustin Sachs are. I don’t know, but maybe a dear reader does. If so, please post.
S. Woody White asks if I consider myself to be a dog person or a cat person. I would be a dog person, as I’m terribly allergic to cats. What are my favorite cookbooks? I don’t really have any favorites, and I don’t really use any. I do have some sitting on the kitchen counter, and I have used one called The Joy of Pasta. Oh, I remember a cook book I like – Coma, by Robin Cook.
Dennis Clancy asks if I will ever be an actor again, and would I rather do film, theater or TV. I would hate to do that to people. Of course, I never say never, but it would take something awfully special to get me back. That said, the one thing I never got to do as an actor was appear in a Broadway show, and that I would love to do. What is my favorite television program? I know this will come as a shock, but I haven’t really watched a television program in at least five years. I’ve flipped by some, I’ve watched a few minutes of this and that, and I just don’t like anything I see. I know I should probably watch The West Wing and a few others, but I don’t. However, I’m quite addicted to The Sopranos, which I don’t watch on TV, but which I do watch when they release the seasons on DVD. I’ve also watched a couple of Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes, and they have their moments, even though Larry David does get tiresome. Do I wear boxers or briefs? I wear briefs. I don’t like boxers much. When I was young, though, I liked wrestlers, especially the ballet dancer/wrestler, Tricky Ricky Starr.
Craig has his usual plethora of questions. Have I purchased a copy of the OBC of Hairspray yet? Yes, but I haven’t had time to even open it. If I were producing a CD called Everything I Needed to Know I Learned From a Broadway Musical, what songs about life, love, etc. would comprise the CD. Well, I’ve already done the “love” one. I can’t really give an answer because what if it’s really good? You know we have all kinds of lurkers out there in the dark, who come to this site regularly, and we wouldn’t want to give anyone any ideas, now would we? Will I be fasting on Yom Kippur? I haven’t fasted in years, but sometimes instead of doing the fast on Yom Kippur, I do the slow. So, I will be slowing on Yom Kippur while others are fasting. Which side is the sunny side of the street? The side I am on, of course. Will there be Meltz and Ernest products to buy? Well, I suppose I could take that up with our resident bitch-slapper, Mr. Mark Bakalor. Can I explain why the word “dictionary” is in the dictionary? Because some people who use a dictionary need to look up what a dictionary is so they can use it with the knowledge that they know what they’re using. You see, some people don’t know what a dictionary is – so they need to look up what a dictionary is in the dictionary because where else would you find the definition of a dictionary other than a dictionary. You see, that is a good thing about a dictionary – you can find out what a dictionary is. Finally, has anyone ever tried to make popcorn out of baby corn? What would they call such a product? I don’t really know – perhaps we should consult a dictionary.
Matthew says that a friend of his says that I, BK, have, in fact, produced a CD since leaving the label which I created and founded. Not true – unless you count the little Guy Haines/Benjamin Kritzer CD. I did give advice and write notes for Michelle Pirret’s new CD. And I have talked to a few folks about doing stuff.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must leave out some more sentences as the day goes by. I must journey hither and thither in an attempt to go somewhere. These notes are so long that I’ll save today’s announcement for tomorrow. I shall check in later, but let’s have lots of posts. Today’s topic of discussion: Taking a lead from one of the questions – if you could have me produce a CD, what would it be? A show? A singer? A concept album? And which show, which singer and which concept album? You might give me some good ideas. Post away, my pretties.