Well, dear readers, this week is flying by, like a gazelle wearing no undergarments. Each new day is fun-filled (sort of) and jam-packed with things to do and do them I do and in the doing of them I do them. I did so much yesterday that I didn’t even begin to write the notes until quite late. I was going to tell a story of romance on the high seas, which is not about a soprano or else it would be called romance on the high c’s. But I think I shall save the story for tomorrow’s notes as I cannot and will not and shall not and won’t not rush this story of romance on the high seas. The story has to do with the filming of what would be my final episode of The Partridge Family, entitled The Last Of Howard. The story of that episode, the cruise ship on which it was shot, and the various and sundried events that happened during the trip is one I’ve actually never told. But why wait till tomorrow to tell the story I can tell today?
Once upon a time, I received the call from my agent that the producers of The Partridge Family were bringing me back for yet another episode, this in what would be its final season. The best part of the news was that the show would all be shot aboard a cruise ship owned by Sitmar. So, I would be cruising to Acapulco (with stops at Puerta Vallarta and Mazatlan) first class for five days, and then the Partridge people would be joining us in Acapulco and we’d shoot the show over the five days back to LA. Traveling with me on the cruise would be actress Ruth Gillette, who would be playing a small role. We became quite friendly and played quite a lot of gin on the cruise. I’d never been on a cruise and I was quite taken with the excellent foodstuffs and some of the people I met. My cabin was deluxe, and it was all very nice. I got a good tan at the pool, I did have to be careful of not overeating (that was the hardest part of all – the food was non-stop). Finally, the Partridge people and the crew all came aboard at Acapulco. We all met and dined. The passengers all seemed thrilled we were there (I’d played the piano and sung in the lounge because some of the passengers had asked me to and knew who I was), and Shirley Jones even got up and sang a couple of songs one night after dinner – I played (quite poorly) for her. Our dinners were absolutely hilarious – David Cassidy and I were really fond of each other, and Dave Madden was always funny, and Susan Dey was just so damn cute and adorable, and Danny was Danny, and the little kids didn’t come out with us. The shooting was really fun, and I loved my part (I was almost in every scene of the show).
Now, there are two things you must understand. Thing one you must understand is that I was married. Thing two you must understand was that from the day I met her I had a mad and fervent crush on Susan Dey. Mad. Fervent. A many splendored thing. We were always friendly whenever I did the show, but that was it. She was, at the time, involved with one of the creators of the show, a very nice but very odd fellow. Their cabin was next to mine and I could hear them arguing night after night. Because the bulk of this episode was between her and I we began to have a lot of fun – always laughing, always joking, and even a little flirting. One night we were all at dinner, having our usual wild and wacky time (Shirley was especially fun to dine with – very randy). Susan’s boyfriend was not there, and I guessed that they’d had yet another fight. We were all having a grand time and I just looked over at her and she smiled that completely adorable smile and I threw my room key over to her. It got a huge laugh and the two of us laughed louder than anyone. And that was that.
On our last day of shooting, pulling into Long Beach (I think – maybe it was San Diego – can’t remember) we shot the tag of the show, and I gave Susan what was, I think, her first screen kiss. They wanted it on the cheek – I said no and I kissed her smack on the lips – a peck really, but I’d finally kissed Susan Dey – or Laurie Partridge. We said our goodbyes. The next time I saw everyone was when they all came to see my show Feast at LACC. Susan was very impressed by it, and loved the music and that it was genuinely funny. The producers talked about bringing me back to do another “Howard” episode, this time using parts of Feast. Sometime after that, and I don’t even remember how, Susan and I began talking on the phone. And I began visiting her at her house in the hills above Sunset Blvd. It was a nice small house and I’d go there and her assistant would be there and maybe a few others and we’d just laugh and have fun – and Susan would drink. Wine. Lots of wine. She loved her wine. I was so infatuated with her at that point it wasn’t even funny. And one night, after everyone had gone, we just began to kiss – very sweet, save for the taste of wine, which I hated (she smoked, too, which I also hated). A few nights later I was back and then, when everyone was gone, the same thing happened. After a while she said that I’d better go before things escalated (she knew I was married – I made no secret about it – but also made no secret about the fact that I didn’t care for my wife very much and that I was not happy). She walked me to the front door, then came outside with me, closing the door behind her. She kissed me goodnight and turned to go back in. Only the door was locked. And she didn’t have her key. We began laughing (she’d had about a bottle of wine by that point), and I told her I’d break into the house for her. We went around back, and I was able to jimmy open a window and got us inside. We were howling with laughter. She had a waterbed. I’d never been on a waterbed. She pushed me down and I thought I was back on the boat and that just made us laugh more. Well, one thing led to another and we’ll just do a fade out for decorum’s sake. We spoke often and at some point I made the decision to separate from my wife. Which I did. I moved out, found a little jernt on Dickens Street in Sherman Oaks. I had my daughter on weekends, and I was free as a bird. It was a rather wild and wooly year, but, funnily, none of it involved Susan. In fact, while I saw her many times, we never again went to that place. But I remember those times with great fondness and warmth. The last time I talked to Susan was when she called me about a year after that and told me she was getting married and asked me if I’d come to the wedding. I was, as it turned out, on my way to New York to rehearse the TV version of Forget-Me-Not Lane. And I’ve never heard from her or seen her since. She refuses to do anything that references The Partridge Family. I’d love to go have dinner with her and just reminisce – who knows, maybe someday. Stranger things have happened. And I think I’ve mentioned it before, but the song that runs over the end credits of The First Nudie Musical, I Don’t Have To Hide Anymore, was written for Susan. Listen to the lyrics. You’ll understand them now.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I am quite exhaustedly exhausted and I must get to bed early because tomorrow is going to be the busiest day of them all.
So, here is what I did yesterday: I got up. No time to do the long jog, and I may not have time until tomorrow, although if I get up early enough today I’ll try. I had a breakfast meeting with a performer and he’s hired me to direct and create an act for him. I think it will be fun. I then had to go to the MGM vaults and pick up the tapes for three potential Kritzerland projects – I’ll be listening to them come Monday and will make my decisions on them then, although I’m suspecting that I’ll do all three, as I think they’ll all be quick sellouts. It all depends on the tapes and the quality. I then found out that the Two For The Seesaw CDs were going to arrive a day ahead of schedule – in other words tomorrow, meaning today. So, I had to suddenly pre-label a LOT of boxes, and then get the majority of them addressed so that I’d be ready for the CDs when they arrive. After that endless ordeal, I had to go to my designers to drop off the material for the next Kritzerland release (announcing in two or three weeks), and to discuss the revamping of the Kritzerland site, which he’s going to do. While it may not be quite ready for the next announcement, it will definitely be ready for the one that follows a week or two thereafter. I then finally came home and had to answer a whole slew of e-mails and then write these here notes.
Today, I have to go to the Kevin and Sean DVD sound mixer’s house to listen to what he’s done, make comments, and fix anything I don’t like. I’m hoping I can get that done in a couple of hours. Then I’ll have to hurry back here for the CD delivery. Helper will be here, and we’ll try to get as much packaged and shipped as possible, with the rest going out first thing tomorrow morning. I’m really anxious for everyone to get their Two For The Seesaw CDs. And then, tomorrow night, I’m taping another radio show with our very own Mr. Donald Feltham, this one about Illya Darling – and I’ll probably reveal what the next Kritzerland title is during the show, so you’ll definitely want to tune in on Sunday.
I’m really hoping that Saturday and Sunday stay clear, as I really need to relax and smell the coffee or the roses or the butch wax.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, do the long jog (if possible), work on the sound mix, stamp packages, package CDs, ship CDs, eat, and then tape a radio show. Today’s topic of discussion: I know a lot of you dear readers imbibe – so what is the drunkest you’ve ever been? Why did you get that drunk, and did anything amusing happen – or not amusing, as the case may be. Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I wonder if I shall ever again have romance on the high seas or even the high c’s.