Well, dear readers, the Day Runner Stumbles – I pulled out the rest o’ them and it turns out I’m missing the year 1982 – I find that fascinating for reasons I’ll go into in a bit. And for some reason I thought these went through 1985 but the last of them is 1983 – I will look one more time through the box, but this does seem to be it (note: I found the other two, so we do go through 1985). Those who read my book know that the 80s were a bit wacky – some good, some bad, and some VERY ugly. I began 1980 with a commercial interview on January 3 and on Saturday January 5 I read for a play – no idea what play or where. Then it was more commercial interviews and on January 8 I read for a pilot called Ethel Is a Elephant – don’t ask me. I got none of those jobs and then didn’t go out on anything until January 28 – that week was very busy with commercial auditions – five of them in three days. I had some interview at MTM (Mary Tyler Moore’s production company – I read there a lot and never got a job), and also on Februray 1 I apparently read for a film. The following week four more commercial interviews, then on February 7: Int. for Goodbye Girl. I assume this was some TV version. I would have been perfect, of course, and of course I didn’t get it. The next day something called The 6:00 Follies – don’t ask me. On February 11 and 12 I shoot Buck Henry’s movie First Family. The day after that I have a reading for something called Ethel – don’t ask me. The following week it’s five commercial interviews and reading for a pilot. The following week I read for something called Park Place, and have a call back for Benson. You will note that I have not landed a single job despite the many opportunities. I do believe I was still graylisted at this point, although that would change soon. Finally I booked a commercial, which I shot on March 4. The following week it’s literally one commercial audition after another, plus I go to the wrap party for Laverne and Shirley.
On March 21 I read for yet another pilot. And then for an entire month I have exactly one commercial audition. It’s getting very upsetting, I can tell – nothing like a month of blank pages staring you in the face. Then the week of April 21 I finally have a bunch of commercial interviews. On Saturday the 26 I go to San Mateo to see the first amateur production of Stages. I have a very good time, and I meet someone I really like and thus begins a tale NOT told in my memoir. Then nothing again. On May 13: Screen Nudie for Benjamin. I don’t know what that means or who Benjamin is. Then it’s a big load of nothing AGAIN, and I remember thinking that this was not a good way to start a new decade. Finally on June 18 I film another commercial. Those commercials are, of course, lifesavers, as those residuals are what keep me going. On June 24 I read for Taxi – don’t get it. And then nothing but a handful of commercial auditions through July and most of August. BUT – something else is afoot – we get a deal to make The Creature Wasn’t Nice – the people who picked up the Nudie Musical distribution want to do it, but it’s contingent on Cindy doing it. And Cindy’s waffling and driving everyone crazy. Meantime, I have lots of meetings about the movie. On August 27 I went to Telluride, my one and only time. It was fun and I met some nice folks. I come back to lots of commercial auditions, none of which I book.
On October 15 I read for Stripes. On October 23 I have to go and loop First Family, the film I made nine months prior. On October 27 I read for Stripes again. I have no memory of ever having read for that film. Cindy is still waffling. On November 23: Meet with Cindy. Waffle, waffle, waffle and I’m being driven crazy by it because the Creature deal isn’t a deal without her. The next day I read for a Lou Grant episode. I land absolutely nothing – it’s been the worst year of my career. I turn 33. Cindy comes to my birthday party and my present is that she’s signed her contract. So, at least 1981 is going to get off to a good start. After the party, I walk into the den and turn on the TV and am greeted by the news that John Lennon has just been killed. And thus, the year endeth.
The first week of 1981 was very busy with commercial auditions and some reading at Columbia. On Thursday January 15 I meet with the fellow who’ll do the special effects on Creature – the first of many bad decisions that I get talked into not by my producer, who’s Mark Haggard, but by the associate producers, Alain Silver and Patrick Regan. I let them talk me into way too many things that end up being bad choices – why I allow that is a question I have never been able to answer, but it was a really valuable lesson to learn. I went to New York for a week for some reason. On February 9, pre-production begins on The Creature Wasn’t Nice. We have wonderful offices at Laird Studios, which used to be the Selznick Studios and is now The Culver Studios. Every day we eat at the nice commissary, and I run into all kinds of wonderful folks there, including the lovely Charles Pierce, who’s working on the lot. And even though we’re in pre-production, I’m still going on auditions – two at Universal that very week. But not to worry, I don’t land anything and it’s just as well, as we’re doing a lot of work. The real movie details are all in the book, so I shan’t regurgitate all that – just give you the highlights as they appear in the Day Runner. The next month is just all pre-production stuff and casting – there are no entries for those weeks. On April 8 we pre-record the three songs for the film, and do so the next day as well. On April 23, Cindy and I have to learn our choreography for our duet. The next day we record Broderick Crawford and Art Gilmore (the voice of every classic movie trailer in the 50s and 60s). On April 30 and May 1 we rehearse scenes from the movie. We do have an incredible cast who all love each other – Leslie Nielsen, Cindy, me, Gerritt Graham and Patrick MacNee. On May 4 we begin shooting, but not at the studio – we do our day of location first, shooting the faux Dirty Harry movie trailer. I’ve invited the gal I met when I went to San Mateo to see Stages (her brother was in the show) to be an extra in the scene, so it’s nice to see her again. Shooting continues until June 2. During the first week, we fire the cameraman, and his assistant, who once was a real up-and-comer, and who shot my first pilot, takes over and will almost get through the shoot without drinking.
After we wrap, the editor, who’s already been cutting as we shoot, and yes, he was yet someone else I was talked into, and he’ll end up being the worst of that. On June 15 we see the assemblage – both Haggard and I know it is in no way the movie we were watching in dailies – the dailies on this film were fall out of your chair funny. The assemblage is anti-funny but I remember the assemblage of Nudie Musical so I know we can fix. I go into the editing room the next day and begin pruning. That continues for the next three weeks. But I’m struggling with it and this editor is not helpful – he’s got no sense of timing or humor, can’t think outside the box, and has a little imbibition problem to boot. I know I’m not finding the rhythm of the movie and it’s really annoying me, and to have absolutely not an iota of help from one’s editor – well, I should have fired him and brought a young kid in to do it, but we were well beyond THAT point. On July 6 we do a temp dub of the cut I’ve finally come up with, which runs eighty-eight minutes. I put a temp music score to the film and that helps.
Two days later we have our first screening at MGM’s screening room. It’s packed, and Leslie is with us. The film starts and gets one of the biggest laughs I’ve ever heard – I breathe a sigh of relief. The credits then happen, then it’s the first scene of, which is the camera approaching Cindy, her turning, and screaming her endless scream – and it’s me she’s screaming at for no reason. And that gets a bigger laugh than the first laugh. I breathe another sigh of relief. The relief is short-lived. Scenes go on and we get sporadic laughs – now mind you, Airplane has come out and that’s the kind of comedy that’s hot. We’re not that. We get chuckles – I don’t want chuckles I want solid laughs. The good news is that when they’re not laughing they’re really involved and two scenes actually get them jumping and screaming, which was cool. But it’s just not good enough. Then we get to the one thing I know will absolutely kill and get the kind of laughs we got at the top of the film. I Want to Eat Your Face. And it dies. A chuckle here and there but not what it should be and not what I absolutely know it can be.
The air of disappointment after is palpable. Leslie is kind, and others say nice things. I tell the editor to meet me in the cutting room at eight in the morning. He does, and I completely recut the I Want to Eat Your Face number and when he’s slow about it I finally just snapped and said do your damn job and just shut up and do what I tell you to do. I also remove a couple of little bits. We preview again at MGM that night – once again, the two huge laughs at the top. The film is tighter now, but still off in its rhythm – it’s just so obvious to me. I need another four weeks in the cutting room now that I’ve seen it with an audience and I need a creative editor with me. The good news is the recut on I Want to Eat Your Face works and it gets huge, roaring laughs throughout, that build and build and it gets applause at the end. So, that was good.
The next day I screen it for Salah Hassanein, one of our executive producers who also owns the United Artists Theater chain. He sees it alone in a room. The reaction is predictable. He hates it. His partner Al Schwartz is also not happy with it. I just want to go back into the cutting room with a different editor, but they’re not going to let that happen. I think we’ll end here for now and pick up with the second half of the year in tomorrow’s notes.
Yesterday was an okay day of pretty much no importance. She of the Evil Eye came in the morning and I went and had an omelet and a bagel. Then I did some errands, then came back home. I had a long telephonic conversation with Shelly Markham about one of the songs he wrote with Adryan Russ that just wasn’t working, and he totally understood my problems and they’ll be reworking it based on my notes. In fact, Adryan already did a second pass at the lyric and it’s much better now and shorter – but Shelly needs his space to do the tune the way he wants and the may require some more lyric adjustments, so we’ll see what he comes up with. I wrote the intro dialogue to it, and that helps, too. Then I sat on my couch like so much fish.
Yesterday I just needed to relax, as I’d only had about six hours of sleep. So I found a horrid little movie on the Flix of Net, started it up and it did the trick – I just dozed off and on for the duration of it. What a stinker, though – shot in 2013 and released last year, or whatever they did to get it out. It stars Abigail Breslin. The film simply makes no sense on any level – it’s shot pretentiously, Breslin’s character has no character and it’s just really bad, unbelievably so. After that I had about three ounces of pasta left over in a box, so I made that with a bit of butter and cheese. Then I did some work on the computer and at the piano, and that was about it.
Today, I will have a ME day – also a strict diet day of only salad and maybe some shrimp, but nothing else. I’ll do a little work on the Kritzerland show, maybe try to come up with a rough show order so I can write the commentary, and I still have to choose two more numbers for Robert Yacko. If I haven’t mentioned the cast, it’s Jason Graae, Sharon McNight, Hadley Miller, Keri Safran, Shannon Warne and Robert Yacko with John Boswell at the piano.
Tomorrow I have two meetings for the LA show, then the rest of the week is meetings and meals and working on the LA show, and I think I’m seeing a play at the Group Rep Theater on the weekend.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, have a ME day, eat, work on the Kritzerland show, and relax. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s free-for-all day, the day in which you dear readers get to make with the topics and we all get to post about them. So, let’s have loads of lovely topics and loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, getting to the point where the Day Runner Stumbles and is not as much fun to go through as the ones from the 1970s – but that’s the way the decade of the 80s went – nothing went quite right, even though I did manage to work, at least up until 1983 – those last couple of Day Runners are going to really tell the story.