Well, dear readers, I think I’ll create a new YouTube channel called Old Jew Eats Food, wherein I, the Old Jew, goes to different restaurants where I’m filmed eating various and sundried foods and offering my opinions. I have decided I must be an Old Jew influencer. Why should the kiddies have all that fun. I want one million subscribers, I want to be popular with the populace, and I want to make millions of YouTube dollars. Of course, I can’t do it until after my eyeball is put right, although an Old Jew Eats Food with an eye that has a mind of its own might be fun and unique. I will give scores like 7.3 and 9.1 or 2.8. Art’s Deli, for example, would get a 1.0 out of ten. Why? Because they have become a ludicrous, ridiculous, and horrible thing. Whatever appeal this jernt may have had in the past, and it never had much for me, since the corned beef and pastrami have always been horrible, they did have two or three things that were okay – my tri-salad, the patty melt, and the matzoh ball soup have always been decent. But yesterday, baby, the restaurant hit their nadir and that’s saying something. I began the day getting up at eight and being out the door by eight-thirty. I went right to the bank and stood by the door until they opened at nine. Therefore, I got in first, got to my gal, and was out of there in two minutes. I’d given my gal a copy of GEE and she’s in the midst of reading and loving it, or so she said. Then I went to my bank to deposit, but my bank branch for some wacko reason, doesn’t open until ten. Since Art’s Deli was across the street, I thought I’d have a bagel and a side of bacon. As always for the past few years, there were only a couple of people in the jernt. I walked in, the people at the front never smile, never really act like they’re happy a customer came in and look quite bored. Not the kind of greeting that’s endearing. I ordered my toasted sesame bagel and a side of bacon and a Diet Coke. The Diet Coke seemed a bit flat to me, but it was drinkable. Then came the toasted sesame bagel and the bacon. The bacon looked like the fully cooked bacon they use at fast food restaurants – you know, where they just heat it up but it never quite tastes like bacon or have the texture of bacon. This bacon, I guarantee you, had not seen a griddle in heaven knows how long. It was, in a word, horrible – tasteless, gross, and yuckilicious. Well, at least there was no way to ruin a toasted sesame bagel. Wrong. It had obviously been sitting on top of or below a garlic bagel and it had garlic bits all over it. The cream cheese also seemed like it had seen better days. And the cost for said awful bacon, horrible bagel and cream cheese, and flat Diet Coke? With tip – $25.00. Art’s prices are THE most expensive of any deli in LA or environs. My tri-salad is currently $33. An omelet is $21. A pastrami sandwich is $30. A patty melt is $23. The Diet Coke? $5.50. No wonder no one is ever in there. If there so careless about quality and running a restaurant, perhaps it’s time to give up the ghost. I wrote a scathing Yelp review when I got home.
I was nauseous as can be, made my deposit, then went to Gelson’s to get the chicken for faux stroganoff, then went to Best Buy to check out the latest and greatest TVs. The one I want is the one I’ve wanted for the past five years – the LG Oled, preferably the 77-inch G4 series. Their prices are at least a few hundred over other jernts, but they say they’ll price match anything. Anyway, they sure were purty to look at.
Once home, I answered e-mails, did some work on the computer for the Kritzerland show, and polished off the rest of the tuna pasta salad, just to get the rancid taste of Art’s out of my mouth. I had a few telephonic conversations and then finally sat on my couch like so much fish.
Last night, I couldn’t find a movie to watch, so I watched food videos, wherein people who know very little about food have become YouTube celebrities, with hundreds of thousands of views. They make restaurants popular with their “reviews.” Some of them actually eat inside the restaurant, others eat in their cars. They all eat noisily because manners and decorum have gone the way of the dodo bird and no, I’m not an Old Jew Yelling at the Sky, I would have said the same thing when I was a teen or even a child. Anyway, that was my evening and here we are, with me listening to no music.
Today, I’ll be up when I’m up, I’ll do whatever needs doing, I’ll put gas in the motor car, I’ll hopefully pick up the second important envelope, I’ll make faux chicken stroganoff over white rice, I’ll do stuff for the Kritzerland show, I have a few things I have to listen to, and then at some point I can watch, listen, and relax.
The rest of the week is more of the same, with some telephonic conversations to be had, as well as a work session for the Kritzerland show.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, be up when I’m up, do whatever needs doing, put gas in the motor car, hopefully pick up the second important envelope, eat, do stuff for the Kritzerland show, listen to stuff, and then watch, listen, and relax. Today’s topic of discussion: It’s Ask BK Day, the day in which you get to ask me or any dear reader any old question you like and we get to give any old answer we like. So, let’s have loads of lovely questions and loads of lovely answers and loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, where I shall dream of being a YouTube influencer with Old Jew Eats Food.