I find it amazing if your wife never found out in all the years after.
The security issue boggles my mind. It has always seemed to me the need to have a "dual" identity makes an employer a greater risk to be blackmailed to give up information.
I think some people just choose to believe (or dis-believe) what they will.
She came out here to visit my daughter for Christmas - and Woody and I were both there for the day. (I am told by others that anyone who sees Woody and I together for more than a hour or so can tell we're a couple.)
Your point on "blackmail;" is dead on. An openly gay man is no secuity threat - the closet ones, however, are.
The same twisted thinking finds its way into the gays in the military debate. The "we don't want to share living quarters with gay men" argument is absurd. They have been, are now, and will be sharing quarters with gay men - the only issue is do they want to know who they are. If they think the idea of sharing communal showers with gay men is a problem, imagine the problem of closeted gay men sharing communal showers with straight men! Talk about "mind control'!!!
der Brucer
PS Apparently I was the last to find out that everybody in my Philly family was already pretty sure of the score.