Re: church pews/news. You beat me to the punch, Larry--the same joke occurred to me!!
Many years ago, pre-Caller ID, we used to make prank phone calls at a job I had. Some of our favorites were made to 800 numbers. I called a Pew Manufacturer (there are such things) in central Washington as I recall and identified myself as Father Weinstein of St. Judas in the Valley (I like giving them clues--unfortunately this guy had none). Anyway, I think I called him on a Thursday and I told him vandals had broken into our church and stolen all our pews and could he have a set of 50 ready by Sunday for us?

Another of my favorites, though a bit on the macabre side. I found a bunch of mortuary listings in the 800 directory and called and pretended to be a salesman for Carbobalm, the "new carbonated embalming fluid." I had my office mates in hysterics as I told these people we could give them free samples. One of the mortuary people asked me, quite seriously, what good carbonated embalming fluid was? Without missing a beat I said, "Oh, it gives the departed a nice, perky look. You'll be amazed."
We also called Otis elevator and told them we had a really huge Ranch style house and could they put in an elevator that went sideways. They said they couldn't do that, but they could put in a moving walkway or escalator. "Oh, that won't do," I said. "I have agoraphobia."