Found it! Thanks for the heads up, DR John G. I didn't even know Miss Manners was still writing.
Dear Miss Manners:
I love salad, and would like to enjoy croutons on my salad, but they are the size and shape of dice and the consistency of pumice. They are impossible to stab with a fork, and nearly impossible to balance on one.
My attempts at gracefully rendering them into a more manageable size invariably go awry, sending chunks flying off my plate. I've taken to just picking them up with my fingers and crumbling them over my salad (which is also difficult!) but this feels a little uncouth.
What is the proper way to tackle a crouton? The whole thing reminds me of the ridiculous wedge salad. Salad should not be so difficult as to require more than one utensil, in my opinion.
By the way, I only have this problem at restaurants. At home, I simply enjoy my "croutons" in the form of seasoned breadcrumbs or crumbled seasoned stuffing mix.
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GENTLE READER: What Miss Manners doesn't understand is what is going on in the kitchens where these salads are being prepared. Have the sous chefs not tried eating their own salads?
And it's not just those croutons and the lettuce wedges, both of which could be used to play pickleball. What about the tomatoes, cut in quarters or fifths?
You are hereby authorized to ask the waiter quietly to return the salad to the kitchen to be cut into bite-sized pieces.
