Well, dear readers, now that Christmas is behind us, has anyone noticed that were a mere eight days before we have a brand spanking New Year? Not that we’re counting or anything – no, that would be unseemly – but in eight short days we will have a brand spanking New Year, and I, for one, can’t wait. This old year has frankly been for the birds, even though it did bring forth some very interesting and unexpected things, like my very first novel. Hopefully, I will have some exciting news about my very first novel and hopefully I can impart that news to you at the beginning of the New Year. Otherwise, this old year has frankly, or even Georgely, been for the birds. I don’t really know what that means, of course. The birds certainly didn’t deserve the trials and tribulations of the old year any more than we did. What did the birds ever do to rate the expression “for the birds”. No bird ever bad newsed me, let me tell you that. Well, other than the occasional vulture who bad newsed me, no bird has ever bad newsed me. Maybe the person who created the expression “for the birds” had just seen Mr. Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. In any case, I wish the birds only happiness, especially our very own singing bird, who is in the yard right now doing a jaunty rendition of Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina.
Frankly, or Georgely, that paragraph was pretty much for the birds, don’t you think? Let’s all click the Unseemly Button below and perhaps we can have a paragraph that’s for the rabbits.
Here’s one for the rabbits: The big gray hare ran over the moon”. And one for Mahler. Does anyone still wear a hat? What the hell am I talking about? Suddenly I’ve got a bad case of Sondheimitis. Have you ever had a bad case of Sondheimitis? Very unseemly, but if you treat it with some Irving Berlin Ointment it will clear up very fast. “The big gray hare ran over the moon”??? What the hell is that about? First of all, if the big gray hare had run over the moon it would be arrested for moonslaughter. Then the big gray hare would be incarcerated, unless the judge took into account that it was the first offense of the big gray hare and gave the big gray hare some leniency, like probation. Then the big gray hare could perform some community service, or perhaps it could perform the play Harvey. I really must change paragraphs now, because frankly this paragraph is for the gnus.
In further gnus, I attended a party last night at the palatial home of Ms. Cissy Wechter, who is my friend David Wechter’s mother. It was a grand affair. Prior to going, I’d made myself a little promise and that promise was that I would not eat. I broke that little promise within thirty seconds of my arrival, and I continued to break it throughout the evening. How could I make such a stupid promise when I knew that the food would be so luscious is beyond me. I arrived at the party feeling lighter than air, in fact I defied gravity, I was so lighter than air. I left the party feeling like the Battleship Potemkin, heavier than heavy. May I just ask one question? Have you ever defied gravity? I recommend it wholeheartedly, because frankly gravity is just a bit too controlling and it simply must be defied. You must stand up to gravity and shake your fist and say, “Fie on you, gravity, you suck. I defy you, and what do you think of that, you poof?” I guarantee you if you say that, gravity will not know how to reply. Gravity will just stand there like the great giant bully it is and have nothing whatsoever to say. You defy – no reply. I believe I just took what is known as a detour. Let us get back on the road, shall we? The food, dear readers, let me tell you about the food, at least while I’m in the mood. I must be in the mood to tell you about the food, and I am, so here goes. My favorite thing was the noodle kugel. I have never understood noodle kugel, but it was so tasty and light that I had two big helpings of it because I couldn’t help it. Then there was the stuffing. It was tasty but not light, but I had two big helpings anyway. Otherwise, I was a very good lad and only had a small piece of ham and a piece of delicious corn bread. I abstained from dessert and dessert abstained from me. The kids performed a lovely Christmas show, and we all sang a few Christmas songs, too.
Tonight I will be going to yet another dinner and then I shall be through with dinners for quite some time. Meanwhile, I must ready myself for the day. I must wash, and brush and anoint myself with balms and gileads. I must clean my eyeballs, and stick cue tips in my ears, nose and throat. I must powder and spray cologne, I must deodorize and mouthwashize and then I shall be sparkling clean and presentable. Hopefully, I will remember to remove the cue tips from my ears, nose and throat, because to not do so is quite unseemly-looking.
By the way, if you see a big gray hare please report it to the nearest authorities, and, most importantly, do not engage it in conversation. And that’s all the gnus that’s fit to print.