Well, dear readers, I should know better. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I, bk, should know better. Last night I went to a nice little Italian joint I like. Now, I’ve been to this nice little Italian joint I like many times, and I, as is my wont, always order the same thing – the large antipasto salad with only turkey as the featured meat product (or turkey product – in other words, no salami or other unseemly meat products or bi-products). The large antipasto salad is most excellent and they have a wonderful Italian dressing to go along with said large antipasto salad. The have a fairly good propasto salad, too, but, as everyone who knows me knows, I am totally anti pasto. I just don’t like that naughty pasto at all. In fact, I don’t even associate with people who are pro pasto. People who are pro pasto always seem to resemble head cheese, have you noticed that? What the hell am I talking about? Oh, yes, the nice little Italian joint. Well, last night I decided I should order something else, as I’d already eaten a salad for lunch. I decided to be bold, to take a chance, to take a flyer, to go where no bk had ever gone before, to take the bull by the horns (have you ever been in France and taken the bull by the horns? They’re French horns, you know), in other words, to try something I’d never tried. So, I ordered something called Penne Pasta with Sausages and Peppers. First off, let me say I am entirely pro pasta. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, I am anit pasto but pro pasta. We could go on for hours having a pasta/pasto debate, but why bother? To find out the results of my bold ordering endeavor, I do believe we will all have to click on that damnable Unseemly Button below, because this section will become unseemly if it gets much longer, at least according to Mr. Mark Bakalor, who, as you know, is ready and willing and able to bitch-slap me if this here section is too long.
So, I order a brand new (for me) dish, and let me tell you, dear readers, I paid the price for odering a brand new dish, oh, yes, I paid the price. What, did you think they’d give me a brand new dish for free? Of course, I paid the price – I’m not some restaurant reviewer who gets free meals, you know. I pay the price and that’s all there is to it. My Penne Pasta with Sausages and Peppers, in a lovely garlic tomato sauce was, in fact, most excellent. Most excellent, and I had two of their delicious garlic cheese rolls with it. But, later, dear readers, much later, in the middle of the night, my excellent new dish came back to haunt me. Have you ever been haunted by an excellent new dish? It’s very frightening, especially if it’s a butter plate. Well, to make an endlessly long and pointless story long, I had heartburn, dear readers. Because the new meal had been very very very spicy, both garlic tomato sauce and sausages. And this caused the painful heartbreak of heartburn. So, I lay there in bed like so much fish, and I endured the heartburn until I fell asleep again. And that was when I dreamed of Manderly. In my dream, I had company over, and they told me that my couch was not comfortable. One gentleman kept going outside to smoke. One woman had “smokeless” cigarettes and “smoked” inside. The problem was, I didn’t know any of these people. Yet, there they were, in my den. Later, I went to visit someone I didn’t know who lived north of Hollywood Blvd. off Vine. We had to be frisked before they’d let us in the apartment building where this person I didn’t know lived. Once there, I said hello to everyone (it seemed to be populated only by men – hmmm), and then said I had to go to the bathroom. But the only bathroom was located in the their den, and there were people in there. I don’t mean there was a seperate bathroom in their den, I mean the toilet was actually in the den. The End.
Today’s notes are beginning to resemble an Ionesco play, don’t you think? I think it’s time for our handy-dandy trivia contest question, don’t you? So, without further delay, here it is (courtesy of our trivia-quiz meister, Mr. David Levy):
What Broadway librettist rewrote his flop Broadway musical into a hit Hollywood film?
I do hope we get lots of players because it’s fun to spread the prizes around like butter on rye bread. All correct guessers will be mentioned in Monday’s notes. You all have until midnight on Sunday to send your answers. I am changing the way the winner is chosen, so that more people will have a chance to win handy-dandy prizes. The way it will work is this: Those who guess the answer correctly will all be High Winners. Then, through a complex electronic selection process, we will toss all the winning names into an electronic hat, and this complex electronic process will randomly select the winner out of all the correct guessers. The selected name will be known as the Highest Winner and the Highest Winner will get a handy-dandy prize. That’s much fairer, I think, and that way people can send in answers later without fear of having already been beaten by an early bird. I was once beaten by an early bird, and I had such black and blue marks. That early bird just creamed me, let me tell you that.
Don’t forget, we’ve got a brand spanking new radio show going up on Monday (actually, late Sunday night). Perhaps Mr. Donald Feltham will tell us what it’s about.
Finally, since I’ve been writing about my favorite musicals (I will continue doing so on Monday), why don’t you dear readers list some of yours, using the handy-dandy Unseemly Comment Box below. I feel we should all get to know each other better, and this is a way to do it. So, post away, tell us what musicals are your favorites.