Well, dear readers, it’s Monday and the start of a brand spanking new week and I’ve got a lot to do before The Brain From Planet X resumes performances on Wednesday. My goodness, what a boring way to start these here notes. I mean, where’s the flair, where’s the style, where’s the sparkle, where’s the pizzazz, that’s what I want to know? I mean, I wrote a first sentence that just sits there like so much fish, didn’t I? Oh, well, what’s done is done – I could go back and change it, I suppose, but that wouldn’t be right, would it? No, I shall have to live with that mundane first sentence and I shall have to atone for it and flog myself like Judge Turpin. Speaking of Judge Turpin, I had a very relaxing day yesterday. For example, I relaxed, which is a good thing to do on a relaxing day. I slept until ten-thirty, I lazed about in my lounging pyjamas, my smoking jacket, my leopard-spotted dickie and my bunny slippers, whilst sipping various libations and eating various and sundried sweets from assorted boxes and bags. My goodness, that last sentence made up for the first sentence, didn’t it? It was so damnably poetic, wasn’t it? It moved me, like a gazelle with a mustard plaster. Does anyone still wear a mustard plaster? Does anyone even know what a fershluganah mustard plaster is? Where was I? Oh, yes, my relaxing day. I filled my gas tank with gas – I was originally going to fill my gas tank with eggs, but in the end I opted for gas. But, mostly I sat on my couch like so much fish.
Yesterday, I watched three count them three motion pictures on DVD. The first motion picture was entitled My Geisha, which I’d begun a week ago but never had the chance to finish. I remember not loving it when it came out, but I must say I was very taken with it – it’s charming, amusing, and beautifully shot and directed. I must say, it turns quite serious towards the end, but the whole concoction is very watchable. Miss Shirley MacLaine is terrific and really looks believable when she’s playing the geisha. Yves Montand has never been a favorite in his English-language films, and I didn’t warm to him here. Robert Cummings is smarmy and obnoxious, which is what he’s supposed to be. Edward G. Robinson is always wonderful to watch. But, it’s the location photography that’s breathtaking and the film is gorgeous to look at in a way that today’s films are not. The transfer’s color is perfect, but there is an annoying flicker through a lot of it. I then watched the second motion picture on DVD, which was entitled The DaVinci Code. I haven’t read the book, which I’m told is interesting but not that well written. The movie, which is all I have to go by, is interesting but not that well written. In fact, it’s one of the only movies I’ve ever seen where the entire film is all exposition. I got a bit of a headache trying to follow it, frankly. And, in the end, I just didn’t give a flying Wallenda about anything in the film – not the story, and certainly not the characters. And the “twists” – please. There wasn’t a one that I didn’t see coming twenty minutes before it arrived. I’m afraid Mr. Howard has just become one of the most pedestrian directors working in Hollywood. Tom Hanks is fine, as is Audrey Tatou, and Ian McKellen is always fun to watch. I was hoping to enjoy it, but I can’t say I did. The transfer is reference class. I then watched the third motion picture on DVD, which was entitled The Goodbye Girl. I haven’t seen it since I first got the DVD several years ago – and it’s just as fresh and delightful as always, and the kind of romantic comedy that they simply don’t know how to make anymore. They try, oh, yes, they try, but they don’t have Mr. Neil Simon’s wit and firm hold on structure, and they certainly don’t have actors with the personality and chops of Marsha Mason, Richard Dreyfuss, and Quinn Cummings. Speaking of the latter, where is she today? Anyone have a recent photograph they can post? Warners should sure do a better transfer – it’s awful.
What am I, Ebert and Roeper all of a sudden? Why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because frankly I’m in need of a mustard plaster right about now.
Today, I may have to go to LACC for a little powwow and meeting with one of the student actors in the play. I also have to ship out about twenty packages, and then, in the evening, I’m judging some sort of LA’s Next Great Stage Star at Sterling’s Upstairs at Vitello’s. I have no idea what I’m in for (I said yes to it a couple of months ago), but I know two of my fellow judges so maybe it won’t be too horrifying. I do tonight and also tomorrow night.
We’re going to try and fill the houses for the rest of the Brain run – I’ve sent out two mass e-mails about the show to all my “friends” – and about ten of said friends have indeed been supportive and have shown up. Others haven’t even bothered to respond to the e-mails, which I find strange and off-putting. I do hope that these “friends” never need anything from me or need me to be supportive, because it won’t be happening.
I had such a good time with all our visiting hainsies/kimlets this weekend, and if you missed the notes or the postings because of errant and truant behavior, check them out, along with the first review of The Brain, and lots of photographs from the show.
Now wait just a darned minute. Once again, we must put on our pointy party hats and our colored tights and pantaloons, we must break out the cheese slices and the ham chunks, we must dance the Hora or the Mashed Potato, because today is the birthday of dear reader Ginny. So, let’s give a big haineshisway.com birthday cheer to dear reader Ginny. On the count of three: One, two, three – A BIG HAINESHISWAY.COM BIRTHDAY CHEER TO DEAR READER GINNY!!!
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, jog, ship, judge a talent contest, and a plethora of other things. Today’s topic of discussion: When you were growing up, what things that you saw commercials for or that were in your house scared you or skeeved you – things like mustard plasters, or hot-water bottles, or Geritol or any weird and off-putting things – one of mine was the dreaded Witch Hazel, mentioned prominently in the first Kritzer book. Your turn. Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst we all ponder the mustard plaster and what it means.