Well, dear readers, I am sitting on a aeroplane high in the sky. Next to me is Mr. 400-Pound Man who has been sleeping sporadically since he sat down – when said sleep occurs he snores so loud that he can probably be heard in Germany. My iPod is nearby, my iBuds are in my iEars and I am typing these here notes after enduring one of the most nightmarish mornings it’s ever been my displeasure to experience, and I can blame no one but myself, although I think I’ll blame Jose, too, just because I can. It was Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride and then some. It all began when I arose. I was, of course, completely packed, save for toothbrush and floss. After using both, I packed them, zipped up Ye Olde Suitcase, packed up Ye Olde Laptop, and went downstairs to meet my car to be on my way to LaGuardia. Happily, the car was there and off we went, and we were to the airport twenty minutes later, at about four-thirty-five. I entered the terminal and looked to see what gate, but the flight thing wasn’t moving and showing anything but the handful of flights listed. I asked someone where the normal gates were, but she said the gate was ahead of me. There was a line for security. I got through it just fine, then walked, looking for my gate. There were only seven. I began to feel like I was in the Twilight Zone. I went up to an employee at one of the gates and told her that someone had told me these were the right gates, but that they looked nothing like what I was used to, and furthermore I couldn’t find the President’s Club. I handed her my boarding pass (brief aside – I can hear Mr. 400-Pound Man snoring despite music in my iEars from my iBuds and iPod). She looked at my boarding pass and informed me I was in the wrong airport. I began to have a bad feeling and I said, “What are you talking about?” She showed me my boarding pass and said, “You’re supposed to be in Newark.” I panicked, of course, and ran downstairs and out the door and directly to the cab kiosk. I was, as you might imagine, in a bad way, as I’m a nervous flyer which is why I get to the airport early. I jumped in the first cab and she whisked me away. When I booked the car yesterday, I’d just talked to at least three people who were flying home, all of whom were going out of LaGuardia, hence I had LaGuardia on the brain or lack thereof. It was now 5:05 and my flight was at 6:45 (thank goodness for my getting to the airport early). I had a great cab driver and thankfully no traffic, and we arrived at Newark at around 5:40. I was a complete and total wreck by this time. There was a huge line for security, but it was moving fairly quickly and there were five stations open. Unlike LaGuardia, however, this time they did a bag check – why? If I passed at LaGuardia, why not Newark? In any case, the bag check was quick because they suddenly needed the rather rude individual who was doing it. I was sweating profusely by this point and must have looked like an insane person. The gate was the furthest one, but I got there at about 5:55. I went to the men’s room, washed my face, and calmed down. Boarding began fifteen minutes later and all was well. It cost me ninety dollars more than I’d already spent on the car (which, to LaGuardia, was cheaper than a cab) – ninety dollars from LaGuardia to Newark. And that was my nightmarish Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride morning. And I’ve no one to blame but myself, although I just blamed three people on this airplane, just so I wouldn’t feel TOO bad. Mr. 400-Pound Man, is bobbing and weaving, sitting forward, sitting back, snoring, waking himself up, picking up a book, falling asleep, coughing, waking himself up, picking up a book (which he’s yet to open), falling asleep again and I’d like to take this laptop and smash it over his 400-Pound Head.
Of course he was wide-awake to eat his cheese omelet and potatoes, oh, yes, he was wide-awake for that. The woman in front of me has put her seat all the way back. I was quite vocal in my displeasure, but she seemed to care not. She’ll care before this flight is over, baby, oh, yes, she’ll care. I think she’s starting to care right now, as I just shoved here seat really hard. Mr. 400-Pound Man’s feet are encroaching on MY space. Otherwise I’m having a fine time. I’ll continue the notes in a while and then from home.
Well, I managed to get a little shut-eye, about two hours worth of occasional shut-eye, so that’s good. There’s still a little under two hours left before we land. The woman in front of me keeps trying to put her seat further back even though it’s already as far back as it can go. Every time she does it it bumps the computer screen, and every time it bumps the computer screen, I shove her seat – you would think that would clew her in to stop, but it doesn’t because, as Zubrick would say, she is stupid – stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course, who am I to speak of stupid – I went to the wrong fershluganah airport.
And then there’s NYMF. What can we say about NYMF? Well, there’s quite a lot to say about NYMF and I’m just trying to figure out the best way to say it. Have no fear, dear readers, I will say it and the tale will be told and with no holds barred and with no bars held. I will not be mean, I will not be vicious, I will not be persnickety, I will be factual, always factual – factual and even-keeled and even, perhaps, keeled-even. I may do the tale in installments right here at haineshisway.com or I may do it as a non-fiction book – whichever way, I will begin soon while the experience is still fresh in my mind. Happily, I have extensive notes on every telephonic conversation that has taken place and I have every single e-mail that has been sent or responded to. I think what will emerge is the tale of a noble idea run amok, a noble idea subverted into something wholly other. It was not a completely negative experience and I will be fair in my assessment, and obviously it’s one person’s view of one person’s experience, although I’ll be interviewing others to get their perspectives and I’m sure for some it was nothing but positive and I’m sure for others their experience will more closely mirror mine.
Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I shall now shut down Ye Olde Computer and write the rest of the notes after the day is done. I’ll probably post them early because I’ll definitely need to get some good sleep (in my own bed!). They just gave us some honey roasted peanuts – I guess those nice, warm chocolate chip cookies aren’t happening. (Addendum – the nice, warm chocolate chip did arrive just before landing.)
I arrived home, and felt quite under the weather from lack of sleep. Barely a moment had gone by when I had to deal with all manner of things and, in fact, I dealt with tons o’ stuff all the way until five o’clock. I see now this was a mistake and I really should not have done anything today – I’m now fighting getting sick again and I have no time for such nonsense because October is already flying by like a gazelle eating monkey cake. Speaking of October, let’s welcome this new month with open arms and hope it is a fine month filled with productive and fine things.
Today I shall be dealing with talent and song choices and arrangements, in advance of getting together with the musical director of the show. 1500 flyers are going out tomorrow, too, and I shall have complete info on the concert right here.
Last night, I watched a motion picture on DVD entitled The Deadly Mantis. Well, not quite – I put the motion picture on DVD on, sat down on the couch like so much fish, and within five minutes I was out like a light for the entire duration of the film. I then put on The Leech Woman – I remember some woman had a little drinking problem and then I was out like a light for almost the entire duration of that film, too.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, attend to many things, do many errands, deal with catastrophes and disasters, not necessarily in that order, and also find time to eat something. Today’s topic of discussion: What has been your worst travel experience? And your best. Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst we hope we have no more Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.