Well, dear readers, how can October be over halfway done? This month is flying by, like a gazelle in a port-o-potty. I gotta tell you. And now for something completely different. Let me finish telling you about a motion picture on Blu and Ray entitled Burlesque. As those who read yesterday’s notes know that I was not too keen on the first forty minutes. It didn’t get better, that’s the first thing I can tell you. The second thing I can tell you is that it did get worse. And worse. And worse. This film has every cliché in the book and again I am made to wonder how this script was read and approved for production and how the guy who wrote it was then also hired to direct. It’s just one visual Bob Fosse by way of Rob Marshall rip-off after another – there is not one shot in this film that is not out of another film. There is not one line of dialogue that you haven’t heard a million times before. We have the diva owner of a club – yes, a club that she will lose if she doesn’t come up with a huge amount of money in forty-eight hours. We have the feisty, determined Iowa girl who hits LA, finds the club, and has a dream of singing and dancing there. We have the engaged bartender (spouse to be conveniently out of town doing a show) who befriends the feisty, determined Iowa girl. We have the – wait for it – gay guy who helps the diva and – wait for it – once had a one-night fling with her. We have the – wait for it – bitchy singer/dancer who tries to make Iowa’s life miserable. We have the – wait for it – really wealthy “good looking” guy who wants to buy the club and the affections of Iowa. We have the ex-husband of the diva hanging around, hoping she’ll take the offer. Everything plays out exactly as you’d expect it to – just what club has a Chicago-like band (the musical, not the city or rock band), in derbies and costumes, and a floor show of bad Bob Fosse by way of Rob Marshall numbers is anyone’s guess. Oh, I forgot – this is, of course Screenwriting 101 Fantasyland.
Then we have a succession of power ballads sung by Miss Aguilera and occasionally Miss Cher, all of which have been processed to within an inch of their lives (thank music producer Miss Aguilera). I know some people respond to the sort of caterwauling that Miss Aguilera does but I’m afraid I’m not one of them – in fact, it’s like fingers on a chalkboard to me. It’s cheap and lazy and ugly sounding, at least to these Jewish ears. But you want to know what irked me more than anything else? Well, I’ll tell you what irked me more than anything else because why should I keep such information from dear readers such as yourselves? The leading man, this bartender songwriter wannabe (of course) – perpetually unshaven – you know the look. So, if this bartender songwriter wannabe can never be bothered to shave why is every other hair on his body shaved, including his armpits. That just makes me want to vomit on the ground. I’m talkin’ about EVERY HAIR ON HIS BODY and believe me, the way the “director” fawns over this guy and the way he has him wear his jeans or a towel, well, nothing is really left to the imagination. Clearly the “director” has a lot more interest in that character than in any of the females on the screen. And then there are the musical numbers – one dreadful song after another. And this thing runs a whopping two hours. The fact that it tanked at the box-office (by tanked I mean that the film lost most of the money it cost to make – that is if you understand how box office figures work) will probably not teach anyone a lesson. And yes, there were camp aficionados in attendance who probably ate the whole thing up. That is the phenomenon of the audience feeling superior to the material and laughing at it rather than with it. This, of course, confuses the filmmakers, who think they’re laughing with it and not at it. In any case, this one gets a big blechhh from the likes of me. The transfer and sound are fine, which is only a small consolation.
I also watched another motion picture on Blu and Ray entitled Under Suspicion – not the one that I talked about a few weeks ago with Gene Hackman, no, this is a motion picture from 1991, during the era when this type of thriller was being made every day by some studio or another (think Jagged Edge and its ilk). This one is a little better than most, mostly because it’s set in 1959 in Brighton Rock and has somewhat better writing and a lot better directing than most of these (Simon Moore doing both jobs). The cast is mostly excellent, with Liam Neeson doing a fine job as a former cop now a private detective doing divorce work (in that era in England one could not get a simple divorce – it had to involve adultery and so private detectives and others would arrange to have the man caught in bed, they’d photograph it, and act as witnesses – all true, just as was homosexuality being a crime in England, which plays an important role late in the film), but the film really belongs to that great Brit actor Kenneth Cranham, who is wonderful here, just as he was when I saw him on Broadway in An Inspector Calls. Even though people on the imdb think this has the best plot twist in the history of movies, it doesn’t – and it doesn’t matter. The film is beautifully photographed, elegantly directed, and has a really terrific score by Christopher Gunning. The transfer is top-notch – great contrast and sharpness and beautiful to look at. Naturally on DVD Beaver we have the comment that because it’s a single-layered Blu and Ray this somehow means that it can’t really look all that good. I’ve had an e-mail volley about this with the gent who runs that site, but there’s no real telling him anything. Because the fact of the matter is, as I was told by the company that authored the Nudie Blu and Ray, there is NO DIFFERENCE between single and dual layered discs for a film of this length (under 100 minutes) – I was going to do a dual layered disc on Nudie and was unequivocally told that it would be a complete waste of money as there would be no difference at all in the look of the film. Somehow I’ll believe them rather than someone on a website. He does say it looks good (rather begrudgingly) but just goes on about how it has little “depth” (one of his favorite words) – it is, in fact, a perfect transfer and deserves nothing less than the highest marks. If you’re a fan of the late 80s/early 90s thriller, you might just enjoy this one, especially for the performance of Mr. Cranham.
Prior to all that viewing, I’d had a very nice day. I got my eight hours of sleep, did the four-mile jog, then went and had a sandwich and onion rings. After that, I picked up no mail and no packages. I came home, and the helper arrived and we spent over two hours reorganizing the shelves in the garage – everything is now easy to find and there is a lot of space now for new things to go out there. That was a good day’s work. I listened to CD 2 of our new master and that was fine. Richard Sherman read his few paragraphs to me on the phone and I typed them into the computer – he’s written a very sweet reminiscence of how the project came to be. I also did a tentative order for the Gardenia show, and the final singer finally got her music. Next, I have to schedule the rehearsals, which I’ll do today.
After my viewing, I was starving so I went over to Jerry’s Deli and had the chopped salad – calorie-friendly and it really hit the spot, although what the spot did to deserve being hit is anyone’s guess. Well, why don’t we all click on the Unseemly Button below because I really must get some beauty sleep because today will be the day of the slaw dog.
Today, I shall arise, do the four-mile jog, and then satisfy my curiosity about the Slaw Dog over at Soul Dog. I’ll probably go over there just before noon to avoid any crowds. I think I’ll have the mac and cheese as a side dish, but since I’m only doing the one dog, I might also try the sweet potato fries, which get really high marks from Yelpers. After that, I have to do some banking, pay an obscene number of Kritzerland bills, hopefully pick up a package or three, put gas in the motor car, and do errands and whatnot, as well as listen and proof CD 1 of our next release.
Tomorrow, I have more of the same and may or may not pay a visit to the editing room should there be anything for me to look at. Not sure what’s happening on the weekend, and I still haven’t figured out what it is I’m supposed to be seeing. Hopefully I’ll remember.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, do the four-mile jog, I must have a slaw dog, I must do some banking, I must hopefully pick up some packages, I must pay an obscene number of bills, and I must listen to CD 1 of our new release. Today’s topic of discussion: What are your all-time favorite songs of Leiber and Stoller, as well as Mann and Weil, and Carole King? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, after which I shall finally satisfy my craving and curiosity for a slaw dog. And I will not be shaving every hair on my body before eating it.