Well, dear readers, I’m back, and to prove it, I’m here. The Robby Awards are done, I had a nice meal after with Doug Haverty and Robert Yacko, and now I am sitting here like so much fish, relaxing and writing these here note. So, let’s talk about the Robby Awards first. Rob says this was the last awards show, but he’s said that before. It was a pretty full house at Theater West – they seat about 165 people. I’d gone to sound check at 3:40 and run my number and Robby was not allowed to be there for that, since he had no idea what I’d be doing and I wanted it to be a surprise. I came home, shaved and showered, and then headed right back to the theater. I found a great parking place right across the street, so that was nice. There were
already a lot of folks there at six, mingling, and I said hi to those I know. At around six-thirty, Doug and I took our seats. I had nice chats with Bruce Vilanch, Teri Ralston, Kim Huber and Roger Befeler, Shannon Warne, and Will Collyer, and of course Robert Yacko. Sharon McNight was right in front of me so we chatted, too. Now, at sound check I was informed that I’d be first up to sing and present, which was news to me – for some reason I thought I was fourth or fifth. So, I had to prepare myself for that. The show began around seven-ten and the two co-hosts opened with a routine where they played Henry Kissinger and Richard Nixon, which I guess they’d done in a play at Theater West, but we didn’t know that. Then I was introduced and came up and played right off their routine, which worked really well. Then I set up the song I was doing – oh, before I say more, when I type up lyrics they’re usually at the usual 12-point size. But I’d already blown that up to 14 and had trouble seeing it at home, so I blew it up to 16 and that’s what I had at the theater and I still couldn’t see it clearly enough to not get lost on the lyric sheet.
So, on the way home from sound check, I stopped at CVS and bought reading glasses. For some reason, I always thought they were like two bucks or something, but they were twenty-six bucks but I guess I had a coupon or something because they were half off. I also got some more Claritin-D while I was there. I came home and tried the reading glasses with the 14-point type and I could see it perfectly, sharp as a tack, so I knew I’d be completely safe with the 16-point type and I was. I joked about needing reading glasses, put them on, and set up the song by saying most people had been asked to sing a Sondheim number, but I knew two of the people who weren’t asked to do a Sondheim song chose one anyway – and that was the two Bruces – Vilanch and me. I said, mine was kind of a What If song – what if Stephen Sondheim had written a song especially for the Robby Awards. I then said to imagine me as a trio, at which point I looked at my stomach and said, well, you don’t have to imagine these days, I am my own trio. Then I said, Maestro, I got my bell tone and launched into Sondheim’s You Could Drive a Person Crazy with parody lyrics by li’l ol’ me. And it went something like this:
Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob
Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob
Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob Rob Rob
Rob could drive a person crazy
Rob could drive a person mad
Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob
When he thinks your play is lazy
And he thinks your show is bad
Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob
When they don’t get nominated, then they
Just scream and cuss
Yet the nominees go crazy, if they
Win that little bus
Rob can really be a meanie
And his pen is like a sword
Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob
But you still can win a Scenie
Or a Broadway World award
(Please vote for me!)
And so tonight, you’ll know tonight
You paid your thirty bucks so you can feel uptight
Rob’s crazy
Still we love our Robby
Rob’s a truly crazy critic himself!
When a critic criticizes he’ll just state what he thinks
You get a rave then Robby’s a gas
But if he doesn’t like you then you hate what he thinks
You’d like to kick him right in the ass
But then there are the Robbys and you pray that you’ll win
But then you start to get in a funk
Because you start to feel that there’s no way that you’ll win
And you just want to go and get drunk
Knock, knock
He knocks a lot of plays
Knock knock
He also offers praise
Knock, knock
He’s giving out awards
Knock, knock
For those who trod the boards
Oh, this takes forever
Lord, how long
Well, I’m not that clever
I’d like to end this song
Robby baby, Robby bubby, Robby
If you lose you want to throw up
And what makes it even worse
Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob
Half the winners never show up
Yeah, the whole thing is perverse
Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob-Rob Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob Rob
We’re here tonight
Let’s cheer tonight
And hope the show does not feel like a year tonight
Rob’s out there
And he knows the winners
This is torture, Robby’s altruistic
Some would say sadistic
Crazy critic, that’s Rob.
Robby is my hobby, now let’s give an award!
The number worked really well, got a big applause, and the I moved to the podium to present the first three awards and I had fun with that and that was it for me. All the performers did well and it was a lively crowd, Vilanch was his usual hilarious self and the whole thing ran around two hours and twenty minutes. After the show, I hung out for a bit, then Doug and Robert and I went to Little Toni’s – we hadn’t been there since Kritzerland was at The Federal and even then we hadn’t been there in a while, so I think we haven’t been there for six years. I had a big chopped salad with turkey and salami that was pretty good, and one small slice of cheese pizza. I hadn’t eaten all day and I was really hungry. Then I came home.
Earlier, I got ten hours of blessed sleep, got up, answered e-mails, did a little book stuff, then went to sound check and the rest you know because you are diligent dear readers.
Today, I’ll be up by eleven, I have a phone meeting at noon o’clock, then it’s back to the book, I’ll eat something light but fun, I’ll find out if there’s any mail at the mail place, and then it’s more book and at some point I’ll watch, listen, and relax.
The rest of the week is more of the same, plus a lunch meeting, plus hopefully seeing and finessing episode ten, and then doing whatever other finessing there is to do on all the episodes. And if we don’t get a major miracle around these here parts soon there will be hell toupee.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, be up by eleven, have a phone meeting, finesse the book, eat, find out if there’s mail, do more book finessing, then watch, listen, and relax. Today’s topic of discussion: What was your very first bike – when did you get it, what kind was it, did you put playing cards in the wheels for that clickety-clackity sound, color, and how long did you rid that first bike before getting a better one? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, happy to have had fun at the Robby Awards.