Well, dear readers, yesterday was apparently the first day of spring, so today we’ll have The Day Runner Springs Forward. As you may recall, we’ve had two screenings of The Creature Wasn’t Nice, I fixed it a bit between screenings, but they’re not allowing me to do further work on it. I will find out the reason for that later – they owe me, per the DGA, two public screenings of my cut – the two we’ve had were invited, private screenings and don’t count. On July 25 I go to some sci-fi convention and am back the following day – I have no memory of it whatsoever. On August 3 and 4 we foley the film and two days later do some looping, including some TV loops to cover some naughty words. During this time I have not one reading or interview for anything. On August 17 we record the score. Despite having given the composer clear directions, he has not listened to me – yes, I’ve heard what he’s been doing because he’s played it for me on the piano – and I have again stated that I was not sure what he was doing will work – he assures me I’ll love it. If that were happening today, I would fire him immediately, but my behavior back then was very passive and it’s the only time in my entire life that I’ve been that way – perhaps I feel so battered down by the bad editor and these other decisions I went along with, that I just don’t assert myself. I knew exactly the kind of score the film needed and it’s how I temp-tracked the film. I didn’t expect him to copy, but I did expect him to understand the “tone” of what I wanted. Not a mickey-mouse score or “comedy” score, per se, but one with a certain wacky, manic energy, especially in the main title. And I specifically asked for a theremin and I did not get one – and I was right and he was not. He is an extremely talented fellow who’s never had the career he should have and probably for precisely this reason. The following four days are spent doing the dub of the film, followed by a screening of the finished thing. I’m still unhappy with it – it’s not terrible and there are very funny things in it, and it is suspenseful in its own way, but I’ve left out a few of the best bits because I simply didn’t know how to work them in – a good, creative editor would have solved those problems, but alas.
On September 4 we have the first of my two guaranteed previews – this one in Marina del Rey. I believe it was scheduled there so the film could fail – it’s not the right audience and had we previewed in Westwood or Hollywood it would have been a different story. The first two bits get their huge laughs, and then we die a slow, painful death until I Want to Eat Your Face. Again, the audience there didn’t know what kind of film they were seeing and for a comedy they clearly wanted to see something like Airplane, which was the “hot” thing and we were not that. In Westwood they certainly would have “gotten” what we were up to a little better, but not with these weird Marina types (and it was WEIRD there, in terms of its demographic, back then). But they got what they wanted. They could point to it and say it doesn’t work. We did get reviewed by Variety and while he said it was a miss, he also said some very complimentary things, too.
On September 9 we have the cast and crew screening and that’s better. Then nothing (again, not one interview or reading for anything) until I fly to New York on September 23. Two days later we have the second preview, this at some mall in New Jersey if I remember correctly – again, I truly believe they chose the worst place to preview and they once again got the result they wanted and aside from the three sure-fire bits, we die again. Then nothing until October, when I have some interview at NBC, which I obviously don’t get. On Ocbtober 23: Preview Creature. I don’t know what this preview was for, frankly, nor where it took place. November 3 I have an appointment at Disney. The next day I have: Screening at Warners, screeing at Avco. I don’t know if those are Creature screenings or end of year DGA screenings, and on that Friday it’s another screening at Avco – perhaps we were screening for distributors. I have no idea. On November 20 there’s some screening at Fox – who knows? And a couple of appointments that week – one for Lynn Stalmaster, one at Universal. It’s clear to me that something is terribly wrong and I’ve gone from having tons of interviews and working every few weeks to nothing. Had I not done Creature the year would have been a complete disaster. Fortunately, Creature paid me a large amount of money, so that part is fine. On Monday November 30: College screening. I was probably screening Creature somewhere and then doing a talk. The rest of the year? Two inteviews, neither of which I get. I can’t imagine things will get better in 1982.
And that’s the missing Day Runner. There is an empty holder in the box – maybe I got frustrated and threw it away. In any case, here’s what I can tell you about that year. Divorce – ex-wife moved out in March or thereabouts and I kept the house. The day she moved out, I celebrated by getting a Star Burger at Carl’s Jr. and promptly got the worst case of food poisoning ever – I was down for four days. Omen? You tell me. I am now regularly seeing the girl from San Mateo and that’s pleasant. I don’t know if I worked at all that year, save for commercials. I don’t think I did any TV or movie work. Instead, I write a new musical called Together Again, and we do that in October at LACC. It goes very well, but I’m unhappy with certain aspects of the show. A producer comes, really likes it, and offers to move it and I say yes – we find a theater in Burbank. I replace our leading lady with Penny Peyser, who saw the show at LACC. She is able in one sentence to tell me what’s intrinsically wrong with the lead character (me) and how fixing that will pretty much fix everything. I see it immediately and it does fix everything.
I also get word from the Creature producers that they’ve hired Harry Hurwitz to recut the film. I am, needless to say, very angry about it. Why couldn’t I recut the film, which I’d wanted to do from the beginning? Harry Hurwitz has done a couple of movies and never had a success, so I’m wondering exactly why him. I hear a rumor that he’s hired Brother Theodore, and eccentric comic with a weird shtick that I find completely unfunny. Apparently, they shoot him ranting about things that are happening in the movie – set in the basement of the spaceship. I want to just kill everyone. In the end, I’m told that they’re not going to use any of that footage, so that’s a relief. I’m also told they’ve replaced the voice of the computer (Broderick Crawford) – good job – replace on Oscar-winning actor with some anonymous and terrible “hip” radio DJ voice. I can only imagine what else they’ve done to it. During the second run of Together Again, I get involved with my leading lady, which puts the end to the girl from San Mateo. I also shoot some bits that I write and direct for a cable show called Likely Stories. Those are fun and the precursor to what would become Outside the Box. At some point towards the end of the year, I get word that Hugh Hefner is starting a cable show called Playboy on the Air and he’s personally asked for me to be their intrepid sex news reporter, kind of their Andy Rooney of sex. Of course I say yes immediately because I obviously have not worked in way too long, other than a few commercials that I know I did in 1982. I’m invited to the mansion. When I arrive, Mr. Hefner runs up to me in his pajamas and tells me gleefully that I was his idea and that he’s thrilled to have me on the show. I tell him I’m thrilled to be there and to be on the show. I call him Mr. Hefner. He immediately instructs me to call him Hef.I end 1982 by going to a New Year’s Eve party at the Playboy Mansion. When I arrive, Mr. Hefner runs up to me in his pajamas and tells me gleefully that I was his idea and that he’s thrilled to have me on the show. I tell him I’m thrilled to be there and to be on the show. I call him Mr. Hefner. He immediately instructs me to call him Hef. Together Again is a disaster at the Burbank theater – we just can’t get audiences to come.
Which brings us back to the Day Runners and 1983. After the wretched 1982 I see I’ve noted on the first page of 1983: BIG SUCCESS! On January 5 I shoot my first Playboy bit, which I’ve written. It’s pretty damn funny and I have a really good time with it. We’re limping towards the end of our four-week run of Together Again and it cannot end soon enough. I continue to shoot Playboy bits. I continue doing that over the next eight weeks. I have a little office in the Playboy building on Sunset. Otherwise, I have a few commercial interviews and a few readings for things, but land nothing. On March 20 I have a meeting at CBS for something called Sutter’s Bay. I don’t get it. I get hired to do more bits for Likely Stories. And I’m going to the mansion every Friday night – they’ve put me on the A list. The Playboy timeline is a little wonky in my memory but this is probably close. Ultimately, less than a year into that gig, I quit, because they’ve brought on a segment producer who I absolutely cannot stand and who’s about as funny as a brick.
On March 22, Haggard and I, with great dread, go to a screening of the recut Creature, which is now called Spaceship, in order to blatantly have it sound like Airplane. Bad idea. I sit there in astonishment at what they’ve done. Some of it’s okay, and much of the final third is pretty much what it was. But what Hurwitz has done is just taken the structure out of the film and made it a series of bits and the film wasn’t designed for that – so, where once when it wasn’t getting laughs it was suspenseful, now when it’s not getting laughs, which for me was frequently, it’s nothing. I took the time to make sure you knew who each character was and what their deal was – that’s my kind of comedy, comedy that builds. He took all of that away and it just made the film something it couldn’t be. The replacement voice for Broderick Crawford is horrible and I know it will immediately “date” the film. Worst of all, Hurwitz has inserted stock footage from other monster movies and it just makes me cringe. But worst of all of the indignities? He’s removed the first of the huge laughs in the film in its entirety. I’m pretty sure it’s because they were nervous they’d have legal trouble, but that’s nonsense – the visual gag involved McDonald’s. Losing that huge laugh at the top of the film was a bad thing. And then to make it worse, the second huge laugh, Cindy screaming at me for no reason, has been moved to the middle of the film, where, yes, it makes more plot sense, but no, doesn’t work the same because it’s not SUPPOSED to make plot sense – it’s really funny coming out of nowhere and much less funny where they have it. Without those two great laughs, the film just rambles along until I Want to Eat Your Face. In essence, they’ve taken something that didn’t quite live up to its potential, but still got great laughs and moved along AND had suspense, and they’ve made it MUCH worse. Bravo. And of course, they got exactly what they deserved. Nowadays, the film does have a lot of fans who saw it on cable back then, but if you watch my cut of the film NOW, it’s survived all the comedy fads like Airplane and it survives because – wait for it – it has structure and a story.
I don’t have time to dwell on it, because the next day I’m shooting another Likely Stories bit, this one a spoof of Barry Manilow. On Friday, April 3 I see Dreamgirls at the Shubert with the Darling Daughter – we love every minute of it. On April 4 I go to something called Kansas City Show-a-rama and am home the next day. I don’t remember anything about it, but it must have had something to do with Creature. I did call Harry Hurwitz and thank him for his effort – I was very gracious with him and I think he knew how hard it was for me. The thing with my leading lady is volatile and will only get more so over the next two years. I have few interviews and land nothing. From May 27 to July 9 I have no appointments at all, although I can see I have a bunch of meetings with agents. I’m desperately trying to find a new agent. By this point, Pat McQueeney, my long-time manager, has let all her clients go so she can just handle Harrison Ford. On Friday July 10 we screen Spaceship at New World Pictures – don’t know why. That day I finally have an interview – for Newhart. Of course I don’t get it. Then there’s a Spaceship screening for APA, an agency. Then a slew of commercial auditions, which I don’t get. Then it says there’s a screening of Spaceship at the 4 Star Theater – I don’t remember it at all. During that time, I’ve written a new script called The Seventh Voyage of Howard, a spoof of the Ray Harryhausen films and it’s pretty funny. On August 3 I have actors over to read it, and it goes very well. On August 5 I go to a big party at the Playboy Mansion. More commercial interviews, I read for Remington Steele and don’t get it, and finally get a commercial, which I shoot on August 19. On August 30 I read for some movie called Ghostbusters. From then until October I have several commercial interviews, none of which I get. On October 10, I read for another Remington Steele, which I also don’t get. In November I get another commercial and shoot that. I finally get a writing and acting and directing agent, Tim Stone. Then it’s more commercial interviews, none of which I get, and I end the year exactly as I had the prior year – at Hef’s New Year’s Eve Party. And onward we go to 1984.
Yesterday was kind of a lazy little day. I got nine-and-a-half hours of blessed sleep, then did some work on the computer, got a salad and some shrimp from Gelson’s and ate that, and then did more work on both Kritzerland at LA shows. Finally, I sat on my couch like so much fish.
Yesterday, I watched the first three episodes of Happy Valley, Series 2. I really liked most of the first series, and this has started off very well and I’m really enjoying it. Once again, because of the accents it’s occasionally like watching a foreign film, but you get used to it. This season we not only have the former Miss O’Brien from Downton Abbey, but we also get Mr. Molesley from that show. Both are very good in this. Will look forward to watching more episodes at some point.
Today, I have a meeting with our choreographer in the morning, then maybe one with the costume designer. Then I have to go see a cabaret at The Federal in the evening, which I’ll probably have more to say about after I’ve seen it. I also have to do the event page for our show, which I would have done yesterday if the ticket link had been live, which it unfortunately won’t be until five tomorrow. And since I have to be at The Federal at five-thirty, the page won’t go up until I’m home from the show. Nothing to be done about it.
The rest of the week is meetings and meals and working on the two shows – making a show order and writing the commentary for the Kritzerland show, and continuing to work on the act two structure for the LA show. I did get the stuff I’d asked for that goes with one of the songs – it was supposed to be three monologues in between the three verses of the song, but it morphed into something wholly other – it’s too long and I’ve asked the writer to see if he can make it work with the song – if not, we’ve got to rethink it – I had a very specific idea for this, and since that’s now different due to the way it’s written, it should be the writer who makes it work.
Well, dear readers, I must take the day, I must do the things I do, I must, for example, meet with the choreographer and maybe the costume designer, hopefully pick up packages, work on the shows and then sub and see a cabaret show. Today’s topic of discussion: What is the angriest you’ve ever gotten at someone – what caused the anger, how did you deal with it, and what did the person do? Let’s have loads of lovely postings, shall we, whilst I hit the road to dreamland, as we wind down on the Day Runners springing forward.