Topic: THE LAST OF JUNE (Read 24038 times)

DERBRUCER · « **Reply #30 on:** June 30, 2004, 08:58:54 AM »

Quote from: RLP on June 30, 2004, 08:46:22 AM

Folks are always going to ask "why" if the why isn't clear.

Why?

JoseSPiano · « **Reply #31 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:00:00 AM »

Questions for BK-

Is there a piece of furniture you find yourself attached to? An heirloom piece of some kind?

-For myself - My bed is the only major piece of furniture I've ever bought - besides bookcases - so that is my favorite piece of furniture. -And it's very comfortable too.

With all this recent talk of your storage space... Would you like to live in a space/apartment/condo/house where you could keep everything under one roof? Or do you like the sort of "out of sight, out of mind" arrangement with the storage space?

-For myself - I kind of like the "out of sight, out of mind" arrangement. -Except, of course, when I need something out of the storage space. I already have enough "boxes o' stuff" in my apartment, and I think I'd just get overwhelmed by seeing all my stuff every day. Or at least have some sense of guilt that I wasn't always "paying attention" to said stuff.

Matt H. · « **Reply #32 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:03:13 AM »

I'd have to say Rock Hudson as my favorite Universal/International contract player. I also liked Julie Adams.

Ron Pulliam · « **Reply #33 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:03:13 AM »

Quote from: Panni on June 30, 2004, 08:51:18 AM

As for how to approach the parents - here's one thought for a beginning at least. Maybe you could gather a list of good films (and there are some, including movies for television) about parents coming to an acceptance of their gay offspring. (The trick is to find a few that do not deal with the gay character dying of AIDS!) He could simply ask them to sit with him and watch a film. I would think there is nothing threatening in that. Then talk afterwards about what they've just watched - not about them, but the movie. At least it might open up conversation.[/i]

Concur. The Australian film "The Sum of Us," starring Russell Crowe and Jack Thompson would be a very good one to show them. Thompson and son Crowe live together. Son is gay. Father loves/accepts him absolutely. It's the reactions of others...and the struggles each faces in finding relationships...that the film deals with. Both are, perhaps, a bit too well-adjusted as father and gay son, but it's an ideal any family can strive to emulate.

"Doing Time on Maple Drive" deals with many issues surrounding a so-called perfect family, including the perfect All-American son coming home, fiancee in tow, and then watching things fall apart as he realizes he can no longer avoid being who he is and cannot prevent his family from finding out. The effect on the family rings true to me as honest and intelligent. The family itself has other problems that are also addressed, so they're pretty dysfunctional without the gay issue added to the pile. But the way it's handled is terrific. Jim Carrey has a terrific part as the eldest, alcoholic and totally bullied (by his father) son.

Ron Pulliam · « **Reply #34 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:03:57 AM »

Quote from: DERBRUCER on June 30, 2004, 08:58:54 AM

Why?

Because...like me, they can be hardheaded and obnoxious.

Panni · « **Reply #35 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:04:40 AM »

Before I go, having just read the last post about the young man, I want to add... A high school friend of my daughter's was in a very similar situation - except his parents - fundamentalist Christians - told him he was going straight to hell if he didn't mend his evil ways (and at that point he had not been at all sexual, only talked about how he felt). Anyway, when his parents finally kicked him out, the family of a good school friend of his (a girl) took him in. Your young man may have to start looking around for that kind of support system.

Matt H. · « **Reply #36 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:07:52 AM »

One of the TV-movies that I always thought handled this well was CONSENTING ADULT with Marlo Thomas. I don't think it's available on video, and the videotape copy I have was taped on a VCR that was going bad and the tape is jumpy and literally unwatchable. But it was a well made film.

Ron Pulliam · « **Reply #37 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:09:45 AM »

Quote from: DERBRUCER on June 30, 2004, 08:55:48 AM

A key point. I suspect the lad has major self-esteem issues right now - he got booted from a prestigious school and has disgraced his family - all his plans for a future are in the toilet and he has insufficient means to go it alone. I'm sure a knowledgeable psychologist would say that there was a real storm brewing in this kid and outside intervention is crucial.

My challenge now is to set up (by remote control) a support system to help him, and others like him to follow (I'll discuss more in my next post).

der Brucer

You might want to find out what gay businesses/services exist in the Florida community (or nearby) that he could be referred to.

I'd suspect a good gay business would love to take in, as a trainee, someone like him.

Jennifer · « **Reply #38 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:30:03 AM »

I love all the suggestions so far, HHW rocks.

I think one thing to remember is that this is all new for the parents. They probably had no idea that their son was gay. And not withstanding their biases against gay people in general, it will probably take them some time to realize that their son is the same person he has always been.

I like the book/movie idea. I know books helped me a lot when I found out someone very close to me was gay. I was in shock. And while I don't have the biases that these parents seem to have, to me there was a difference in knowing someone was gay from the start. Or only finding out after you've been close to them for a while. Does this make sense?

JoseSPiano · « **Reply #39 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:39:00 AM »

DER BRUCER - It sounds to me like the son and the parents need some time apart right now. Preferably the sooner the better. Even if the son could just move in with someone in his home town - family friend, friend from school. At this point, it's just impossible for either side to take some time to sort out their own thoughts on their own, in their own time.

-I'd write more - and trust me, I could, and have before in similar situations - but I think I need to lay down for a little bit. My allergy meds are really being "effective" today.

JoseSPiano · « **Reply #40 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:48:22 AM »

OH! In happier news - well, happier for me!... The doctor finally got back to me this morning. He's an ER doc, and he was on call Monday night. Well, another doc called in sick, so his call was extended until tomorrow(!) morning!! And since hospitals have restrictions on where you can bring your cell phones... We're making plans for tomorrow.

bk · « **Reply #41 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:51:43 AM »

Universal: I like all the Doug Sirk films, but also all their fifties sci-fi. Always enjoyed Jeff Chandler.

Furniture: I'm not really attached, although I like both my sofas (on which I sit like so much fish) and my bed. No heirlooms, but I do have a rather nifty antique table that has knobs on the front. If you happen to turn the left one it turns on a radio, which you wouldn't ever know until you turn it, it's totally hidden and just looks like a table. From the forties.
I'm also very fond of Charlton Heston's favorite piece of furniture - Leigh Taylor Young.

Jrand73 · « **Reply #42 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:51:52 AM »

I think I agree with DRJOSE that it might be best for the young man and his parents to spend time apart right now. A book or movie could help the parents, but what I think would help them most is talking to other parents of gay adult children. They probably know some....even if they think they don't. It will take time. And maybe they will never accept their son....it happens. Then again, they may realize that he is the same person he always was.

Most of my favorite U-I contract players are the same as MB's....but I will list them anyway:

Allison Hayes
Mara Corday
Gregg Palmer
Charles Drake
John Saxon
Sandra Dee
Troy Donahue (before Warner Bros)
Rock Hudson

My favorite piece of furniture is my television set!!!

My question for ASK BK day.....I have a book that lists several appearances on the Dinah! show for Miss Lucille Ball. Were you ever on the show with Lucy? What was it like? Did you ever meet or encounter Lucy?

bk · « **Reply #43 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:53:15 AM »

Juliana: She's been so busy with Wizard of Oz that we haven't had time to discuss the journal. When she gets back mid-July, we will for sure.

Jrand73 · « **Reply #44 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:53:17 AM »

Ah....and in which film did Mr Douglas Sirk direct Miss Allison Hayes?

Dan-in-Toronto · « **Reply #45 on:** June 30, 2004, 09:54:16 AM »

In addition to watching a movie together, the son could find a book for his parents (or either parent) to read at a quiet, less-confrontational time. The book that came to mind is Consenting Adult by Laura Z. Hobson (who wrote Gentleman's Agreement). I imagine the Marlo Thomas movie Matt suggested is based on this book.

Jrand73 · « **Reply #46 on:** June 30, 2004, 10:00:30 AM »

Yes it is DiT

And yes, DRJENNIFER....makes sense to me!

DERBRUCER · « **Reply #47 on:** June 30, 2004, 10:09:32 AM »

Quote from: Jennifer on June 30, 2004, 08:37:14 AM

DR Der Brucer,

Quote

A.How exactly do they prove that someone is gay?
B. And if the people know they will be thrown out why do they admit to it?
C.Or why do they enroll in the first place?

D.It's absolutely amazing that this is allowed to go on.

E. And re: your young friend, I think him living with his family is probably not a good thing right now. Hopefully his parents will come to accept him, but right now they are not able to do that. Maybe he could give them some books to read.

Answers:

A. If your observed doing “it” with another – they gotcha! If they catch A&B doing “it”, they often suggest that they will be treated more leniently if they will reveal the names of others with whom they’ve done “it”.

B. If you have been caught in the act, you can be Court Martialed, sent to Federal Prison for 5 years and be given a Bad Conduct Discharge.

Some discussion:

Under the Uniform Code of Military Justice, Article 125, Sodomy is defined as:

Quote

Any person subject to this chapter who engages in unnatural carnal copulation with another person of the same or opposite sex or with an animal is guilty of sodomy. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient
to complete the offense.
…
Explanation. It is unnatural carnal copulation for a person to take into that person’s mouth or anus the sexual organ of another person or of an animal; or to place that person’s sexual organ in the mouth or anus of another person or of an animal; or to have carnal copulation in any opening of the body, except the sexual parts, with another person; or to have carnal copulation with an animal.

Note: Consensual oral sex between a husband and a wife is just a punishable as all the other nasties. I leave “carnal copulation in any opening of the body, except the sexual parts” to more imaginative minds.

Now, in place of a Court Martial, you may be subjected to an Administrative Discharge for really specific reasons like “convenience of the government” “personality incompatible with military service” and other specifics .An Administrative Discharge may be Honorable, General (under honorable conditions), or General (under other than honorable –OTH – conditions. Dishonorable Discharges can only be awarded by a Court Martial.

They government will often bargain with a member concerning the nature of his/her discharge. Confess – and we will give you a General Discharge under Honorable conditions; fight us and, if we have a good case, we’ll send to a Court Martial and potential 5 years and a BCD, if our case is a little weak, we’ll send you to an Administrative Hearing (which has significantly relaxed rules of evidence) and recommend you get a General-OTH discharge.

The key issue is the character of the discharge: if you can wrangle a General (under Honorable conditions) you’ll face few consequences in civilian life; an OTH discharge will cost you most, if not all of your benefits, and a BCD is a Federal Felony conviction on your record for life.

C.   An appointment to a Service academy is a very prestigious thing (not to mention a free, exceptionally valuable, education). Family pressure and financial needs will often drive a youngster to assume he can keep a secret for a few years. (When I was that age, “coming out” was unthinkable, Military or not, today the kids have a few more options, but there is still the family/financial pressure. Also, there are many cases where the young adult does not act on his orientation until his college years.)

D.   Nothing in the arena of man’s cruelty to man amazes me

E.   For a teen-ager with no particular job skills, going it alone is generally not an option. (and considering that many Midshipmen come from sheltered homes and have no idea how to use a washer or a dryer or an iron, or how to cook a meal – going it alone would be a real “experience”).

If the parents were amenable to reading some “good books” most of our problem would be solved.

der Brucer (thanx for your support)

bk · « **Reply #48 on:** June 30, 2004, 10:49:57 AM »

Last post forty-five minutes ago - you really all aren't going to sit there like so much fish, twiddling your collective thumbs, are you? We must have some questions, mustn't we?

It's very gray out again, so I expect the sun will be shining momentarily.

MBarnum · « **Reply #49 on:** June 30, 2004, 10:52:17 AM »

Ok here is a post.

What is your favorite Jeff Chandler movie then?

Mine is FEMALE ON THE BEACH with, besides Jeff, Joan Crawford, Jan Sterling, and Ed Fury!

MBarnum · « **Reply #50 on:** June 30, 2004, 10:55:15 AM »

Another set of Abbott and Costello discs coming in August...with Meets Frankenstein, Meets the Invisible Man, and Mexican Hayride.

Jrand73 · « **Reply #51 on:** June 30, 2004, 10:56:26 AM »

There is a new film called AIMEE SEMPLE MCPHERSON by director Richard Rossi that was supposed to have had a sneak preview a week or so ago. Do any DR's know anything about this film....fascinating subject...Faye Dunaway played ASM in a tv movie years ago. Mimi Michaels does the honors in this film...shot on DV.

Any news?

Jrand73 · « **Reply #52 on:** June 30, 2004, 10:58:01 AM »

There is a question on the books, MR BK. See above.

Dan-in-Toronto · « **Reply #53 on:** June 30, 2004, 11:00:01 AM »

Jeff Chandler? He's the DP's (dear partner's) DS (dream star). Speaking for Gord, who's a big Julie London fan as well, I would say that Drango is his favorite. I think he also liked Jeanne Eagels; first for Jeff Chandler, then for Agnes Moorehead, last for Kim Novak.

MBarnum · « **Reply #54 on:** June 30, 2004, 11:05:26 AM »

Is anyone watching or taping the numerous Torchy Blain movies that are playing today on TCM? I have taped 4 or so of them and will try to watch at least one tonight whilst I dine. I have not seen one before but I do like Glenda Farrell...whenever I think of a 1930s wise-cracking news reporter I think of her and/or Lee Tracey.

DERBRUCER · « **Reply #55 on:** June 30, 2004, 11:05:35 AM »

Quote from: RLP on June 30, 2004, 08:36:51 AM

DR DerBrucer: I appreciate the young man's acceptance of his parents' offer to come home and work it all out.

I think, however, he could do it better "away" from the family home. Is he free to go out, make friends and have them over? Does he have anyone in town to confide in...whom he can go to and unwind, vent, or just hang out with (go to dinner or a movie)? His parents can cling to one another, but they seem hellbent on giving their son no slack at all.

He needs an emotional outlet. He needs a place he can go where he can put the "family crisis" totally out of his mind.

He needs "to know" that if his parents absolutely and utterly refuse to "accept" him as gay that he can make it on his own without them.

They need to know that, too!

All so very true…but…

A little background is probably in order.

I am a member of USNA OUT (an organization of gay U. S. Naval Academy Alumni).

In Late May the President of the organization sent out an Email request for assistance: a Sophomore was about to be bounced out for being gay and had no where to go.(He had a “boy friend” in the area and they were thinking of getting an apartment, but had no money)

Some local Alums came to the rescue and gave him shelter until he was ready to go home.

The other day the OUT President forwarded a thank-you Email from the young man, which started off with;

Quote

I wanted to say *thank you* for all the warm responses to my plea for help,
and to give you an update on my situation. My outprocessing paperwork
stalled, which gave me a little more time to think things through instead of
being forced to make rushed, emotional decisions. I talked with my parents,
and they said that if I returned home, we as a family would figure
everything out. That ended up being my course of action. Little did I know
that "working things out" had unstated stipulations.
….
After spending the first week back home in Florida, with my parents ashamed
that I left the Naval Academy before graduating, I sat down and really tried
to figure out what to do next. It has all seemed overwhelming.

I have gotten a job as a manager at the Blockbuster video store where I
worked in high school.
Getting financing for a car has been next to impossible. I am getting back
into school, and have started filling out applications. I want to major in
Computer Animation or Game Development and Design.

He described the problems with his folks, which I relayed in my post, and I composed a reply which I sent to the OUT President – anticipating that he would forward it on.

So, I have no direct means of contact with the gent and know not where in Florida he resides.

There is a great organization called Parents And Friends of Gays And Lesbians (PFLAG) which specializes in counseling families with gay children (and helping gay children with less-than accepting families. They run support groups that address the “let’s read this book” and “let’s see this movie together” and “can we just talk about it, please”.

I did provide the link to the 20 chapters in Florida for him to use.

I suspect that Blockbuster pay does not permit independent living, and would venture that he has no gay friends in the area.

I sure hope he responds to my Email so I can share all the DR’s good ideas with him.

der Brucer

Jennifer · « **Reply #56 on:** June 30, 2004, 11:10:48 AM »

There are now two bunnies. My bunny has a friend!

Dan-in-Toronto · « **Reply #57 on:** June 30, 2004, 11:15:19 AM »

Quote from: MBarnum on June 30, 2004, 10:55:15 AM

Another set of Abbott and Costello discs coming in August...with Meets Frankenstein, Meets the Invisible Man, and Mexican Hayride.

What about Abbott and Costello Meet Jeff Chandler? (Abbott and Costello in the Foreign Legion. Well, they don't actually meet him.)

William E. Lurie · « **Reply #58 on:** June 30, 2004, 11:18:48 AM »

For those DRs who didn't know, Jeff Chandler was Mr. Boynton on radio's "Our Miss Brooks" and the only radio cast member who didn't move to television with the series (he was replaced by Robert Rockwell, best known these days for his Werther's Candy commercials).

And according to Esther Williams' autobiography, Chandler was a secret cross dresser. Allegedly he and Esther broke up when she found him in a gown of hers.

Dan-in-Toronto · « **Reply #59 on:** June 30, 2004, 11:20:09 AM »

I checked to see if Abbott and Costello's Mexican Hayride is based on Cole Porter's. It is (without the songs).

And what a plot! Here it is, as given for the Cole Porter version:

Joe Bascom, an American numbers racket king in Mexico on the run from the FBI, eludes the local authorities (and his wife) by hiding in a hoopskirt, playing flute in a Mariachi band, and selling tortillas as a buck-toothed squaw. Other characters include female bullfighter Montana, her manager Lombo, David Winthrop of the American Express, and Latin singer Lolita.

News:

Author Topic: THE LAST OF JUNE (Read 24038 times)

MBarnum

MBarnum

MBarnum