Well, dear readers, on this very first day of the new year, I slept in for the first time in who knows how long. And if who knows how long why doesn’t who tell us how long instead of just keeping it to itself? In any case, I slept until ten-fifteen and had a most excellent and peaceful night’s sleep. I feel rested, and frankly I am feeling my oats this fine morning. My oats have been sad lately, because they haven’t been felt in quite a while, and oats love to be felt. So, I am feeling my oats and we’ve got nothing but happy oats around here.
I’ve got some exciting news, but I think I’ll tell you what that exciting news is a bit later in the notes. According to Mr. Mark Bakalor, I must never give away exciting news in this “teaser” section of the notes, because that would be unseemly.
Apparently, a controversy has arisen regarding the answer to last week’s trivia contest. Apparently, according to Mr. David Levy himself, the question was not “who” (Miss Nobody, USA) but “If a girl isn’t pretty” what is her address? Apparently the answer to that question was contained along with the question when Mr. David Levy sent it to me, but I neglected to check it, because everyone’s answers (Miss Nobody, USA) seemed right. Well, they were not right. Apparently, we had no winner last week, because, according to Mr. David Levy, the correct answer is “oblivion”. However, since we already awarded the prize, we won’t take it back because that would be unseemly. Speaking of unseemly, isn’t it time we all click the fershluganah button below?
Apparently it was time to click the fershluganah button, because we have all clicked the fersluganah button. Has anyone noticed how much I’ve used the word “apparently” in today’s notes? Apparently, “apparently” is the word of the day. I think that the word person who invented the word “apparently” did so out of laziness. “Apparently” was invented by C. Felix Lee. He and his wife, B. Fern Lee had just had their first child, and C. Felix was so excited that he ran into the street shouting, “I am a parent Lee”. He went back into his house and he liked the sound of what he’d said so much he decided to make it a word in the English language, so that he would be remembered and loved for all time. He rather cleverly added “ap” (a parent) to the beginning of the word “parent” and “ly” a dimunitive of his last name “Lee” and voila, a new word was born along with his new baby, G. Frank Lee. G. Frank Lee, of course, grew up and created his own word, “frankly”. Does anyone know what the hell I’m going on about? Perhaps I’ll go feel some more oats, although we don’t want them to get too excited. Maybe I’ll also feel some bran while I’m at it.
It is already noon (noon, spelled backwards) on this first splendid day of what will hopefully be a splendid new year. My friend, Mr. David Wechter, and I, are hard at work on our brand spanking new musical comedy and I am hard at work preparing for my very first novel to be published. Yes, you heard it here, dear readers, my very first novel will be published by a small press and will be available for one and all and also all and one to purchase at fine book stores everywhere, and even at our beloved . It will be released sometime just before summer and I will keep you posted as to its progress. Perhaps I’ll even premiere a chapter right here at haineshisway.com. Isn’t that exciting news? Perhaps we should all go feel our oats and bran, and perhaps, if we are feeling bold (and when is the last time you felt poor bold, who is always out of it, feeling-wise?), perhaps we should also feel our curds and whey. Or, if you’re out of whey, just feel your curds, or, vice versa or even versa vice.
Well, dear readers, I think I shall go feel my oats outside (I am feeling bold, and let me tell you, “bold” is thrilled). It is a time to breathe the air, take a liesurely stroll whilst wearing liesurely skimpy clothing, luxuriate in the day, and use the word “apparently” over and over again, as our tribute to its inventor, C. Felix Lee.